The Landover Baptist Church Forum - Vegetarianism = Satanism

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Vegetarianism = Satanism

Friends, in the spirit of our upcoming meat feast called Thanksgiving, I thought I'd do you lower-level tithers a favor and post a very Godly sermon I was privileged to hear recently, delivered by none other than our beloved Brother Harry Hardwick. It was designed for Gold-star level Tithers only, but I don't suppose that it would do any harm for you all to hear the Blessings that Christ has in His Holy Word. Enjoy!

Quote:

VEGANS: Modern Day Witches

http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n...l/hardwick.jpg
Sermon by Brother Harry Hardwick,
11:00 A.M., Gold-Star Members Service, Main Sanctuary
Friends, you needn’t be nostalgic for your mind to occasionally wander back to a better time - a time when the world was far less complicated, when morality reigned supreme, when life was just a whole lot easier and more care-free. I am, of course, referring to the late 1600’s. Lucifer was easier to spot back in those days even though the people were simple-minded - even more simple-minded than the current American public when it comes to justifications for war. Satan’s minions were easy to locate. They looked, acted and spoke differently than anyone else. Their slimy, pickle-colored, wart-ridden skin, enormous noses and jutting chins, web-like, matted hair and sickly demeanor led folks to know instantly what they were -- witches! Front porch cauldrons of bubbling fluid containing the most disgusting insects and rodents imaginable made the home of a witch easy to locate. And the incessant rhyming of incantations made the voice of a witch easy to identify, particularly since there were no rap singers back then. A True Christian™ could spot a witch a mile away. An even better Christian could strike one with a flaming arrow from the same distance. All it took was a few wooden stakes, some rope and a torch, and the devil was defeated for yet another day.
Things aren’t so simple any more. Witches have learned a lot since the days of the Puritans. They’ve learned that if they show their hideous faces in public, it won’t just be their warts we burn off. So, they’ve had to go undercover in their efforts to recruit the weak-willed to the service of their master in Hell. To induce these naïve innocents to join their filthy cult, they have been forced to come up with a politically correct justification for their association. They have had to conceal the real purpose of their late-night meetings, when they cast spells on the vulnerable, brew hideous potions, and sacrifice infants to the devil. They have had to come up with a modern message that will be attractive to the weak-kneed while not raising the ire of True Christians™ that much. That message is called “vegetarianism.” Today’s witches are called “vegans.”

One needn’t look any further than Christ’s words to see that so-called “vegans” are nothing more than sorcerers and demons, mocking God while spitting on His Son’s final supper. They know God loves meat and has ordered us to eat as much of it as we can. So they poke fun at the Lord with slogans like “Meat is murder” and by insisting their members abstain from consuming anything that comes from an animal. Jesus warned us about these diabolical cretins. Turn your Bibles to First Timothy, chapter 4, verses 1 through 3 and recite along with me:

Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth.

I don’t know how Jesus could have warned us any more directly about these devils. They try to hide behind phrases like “animal lover” and “animal rights advocate.” That is devil-speak if I ever heard it! The Bible makes clear that God created animals for one purpose only - our nutritional and intestinal satisfaction. Just as God created woman solely to be the servant of man, meaning women are to obey their husbands at all times, keep their mouths shut in church and never teach (1 Timothy 2:11-15; Ephesians 5:22-24), so, too, God created animals so we would have something to fill our stomachs with after a hard day’s work. God told us long before He used Mary to incubate His son: “Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you” (Genesis 9:3). Every moving thing - not just the ugly ones, not just the dumb ones, like chickens and fish. Every living thing. The most beautiful fawn, the most prized heifer, the most graceful swan, the cutest bunny rabbit. According to God, they’re all nothing more than sausage fodder!

When the apostle, Peter, woke up hungry, what did God give him to eat? Not a pansy platter of carrot sticks, lettuce leaves and orange slices. He gave him every type of four-footed beast on the earth and every fowl of the air, telling him, “Rise, Peter, kill, and eat” (Acts 10:9-13). When Cain and Abel offered gifts to the Lord, Abel gave the Lord the fat he cut off the hides of his flock whereas Cain gave the Lord a fruit and vegetable tray. The Lord loved Abel’s offering of something that would stick to His holy ribs and despised Cain’s lesser offering of mere produce. Cain became jealous and murdered the brother with the superior gift-giving eye (Genesis 4:3-8) . This was the first, but my no means the last, human murder committed by these vegans a/k/a witches a/k/a wiccans.

But add another a/k/a to that list - homos. You see, veganism offers a place of solace for sodomites every bit as attractive as a Catholic confessional. Fruits and vegetables are what housewives and sissies on Weight Watchers eat, whereas meat, cheese and butter are what real men eat. If every meal you eat doesn’t contain something that lives in, or comes out of something that lives in, a barn, you aren’t a real man. Jesus warned us that the men who would one day call themselves “vegans” are nothing more than nancy-boys looking for refuge somewhere. “For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs” (Romans 14:2) . Just take a look at these losers - thin as a rail, pale as a ghost. The kind of men we used to beat up every day at school. If you asked any one of them, he would probably admit he supports feminism. The only protein these marys consume was created for a completely different purpose, the misuse of which is precisely what got Onan struck dead by God.

Watch out for these witches and fairies, my friends, for in today’s world of ailing morality, they are everywhere. They protest outside leather shops. They ruin other people’s valuable winter coats by hurling buckets of blood on unsuspecting ladies. And they try to destroy the cattle industry with their left-wing talk shows. If you spot one of these demons, detain it and, when you’re through roasting that side of beef you’re having for dinner, replace that meat on the skewer with the heathen, and help restore a long-missed moral tradition.

Praise Jesus! The next time your gothed-out homer son slithers home and berates you for enjoying a good old fashioned meat supper, I hope you'll have them read this sermon.

And now, which would you prefer for your Thanksgiving meal:

THIS Godly feast?Attachment 10040

...or THIS unholy glop a/k/a tofu turkey?Attachment 10041

Now that you have read the above sermon, you are legally and morally bound to increase your Tithing to the Gold-Star Level. Hit the Paypal button at the bottom of this page and we can get you all the paperwork you'll need to pay Jesus what you owe Him.
Ask yourself; How can I best honor Jesus? The answer is, by eating meat.

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Mmmmm ... tofu turkey! :wub: We'll be getting a new shipment shortly at the co-op; if you'd like me to put some aside for you, just let me know.

I am certainly not going to celebrate the triumph of the Eurocentric patriarchy shown in that painting by eating one of the creatures with which the indigenous peoples lived in harmony.

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

:fear2:
I don't know what to say. I know, "I rebuke thee!"

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darren Ingram-Myers (Post 15799)

What are you some kind of chink? Who on earth would eat that stuff?

Look buddy, I think half of your problem is that you just need a night on the town. Lets go out and have a nice thick juicy prime rib, with all the trimmings. How do you like yours cooked? Personally, I like my prime rib rare. By which I mean dragged by the horns through a warm room.:thumbsup:

Some good old fashioned red meat will help get you some manly backbone. You're making us sick with all your namby-pamby nonsense. For God's sake, be a MAN like Jesus wants you to be!:bb:

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 15806)

Indeed... maybe we could force him to go through an intensive rehab operation, where he has to eat a big bloody steak every hour, on the hour, for a day or so? Then again, maybe he's not completely meat-free... I wouldn't be surprised to discover that he's been having regular hot beef injections.:thumbdown:

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance (Post 15822)

Temperance, this bothers me a LOT. PLEASE tell me that you didn't really eat curry chips (the very thought makes me gag) with ketchup and mayo.

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle (Post 15824)

Temperance, this bothers me a LOT. PLEASE tell me that you didn't really eat curry chips (the very thought makes me gag) with ketchup and mayo.

:whistling:

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

I've not eaten meat since 1993, and I have none in my house, so if I kill and eat my pets, will my soul be saved?

Please help me with this dilemma my kind True Christian brothers and sisters! Does anyone have a good recipe for kitten?

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kay Dee (Post 38480)

Does anyone have a good recipe for kitten?

Look for this guy, he hangs around here.

http://img144.imageshack.us/img144/5905/nipmf3.jpg

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kay Dee (Post 38480)

:licklips:

I like the General Meow's Kitten, but if you don't like Chinese food, there's Kitty Seca.

Or you could go to the grocery store and snap into a Slim Jim or something. There's at least a little meat in those.

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kay Dee (Post 38480)

I can help out.

Quote:

BEER ROASTED CAT

1 cat cut into roast
1 can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup
1 cube of beef bouillon
1 clove of garlic
1 Fine Irish Stout, like Guinness

Cover and soak cat roast in salt water for 24 hours. Drain water and then cover and soak in beer for 6 hours. Drain and place in crock pot with your cans of soup. Add a clove of garlic, and a cube of beef bouillon. If you start to slow cook your cat in the morning with your George Foreman Cooker (or it's ilk), you'll have finely cooked feline in time for supper.

If a slow cooker is not available, a cat can be baked at 350 degrees for 2-3 hours in a conventional oven and still come out pretty good. Beer Roasted Cat is fantastic served with mashed potatoes, collard greens, and fresh, homemade egg rolls. When planning a full meal just remember- cat is a course best served hot!

There are plenty of yummy recipes to be found HERE, complete with illustrating photos.

And don't forget Man's best friend too. Meat is meat!

http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n...ogscooktoo.jpg

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Thank you Pastor Zeke! Any good recipes for man's best friend, German Shepherd/Alsation in particular?

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kay Dee (Post 38771)

Thank you Pastor Zeke! Any good recipes for man's best friend, German Shepherd/Alsation in particular?

I don't have any myself, but I sure hope Tommy doesn't see this thread. :brimley:

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kay Dee (Post 38771)

Thank you Pastor Zeke! Any good recipes for man's best friend, German Shepherd/Alsation in particular?

Here is a chink recipe, complete with photos. Enjoy!

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Not enough has been said on this thread about seitan, the gateway wheat to satanism. I think it's pretty obvious why those hippies chose that name.

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kay Dee (Post 38771)

Thank you Pastor Zeke! Any good recipes for man's best friend, German Shepherd/Alsation in particular?

There are a few goods ones out there. Remember, you can make just about any of your favorite dishes with dog.

Helpful Link to prepare the dog; http://www.everything2.com/title/Butchering+a+dog

Dog roast

1. One day in advance wash the dog inside and out; soak it in very cold water with vinegar for a few hours. This freshens and whitens the meat. Cook some carrots, celery and onions on low heat in oil for a good 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. The onions should become somewhat translucent, the carrots slightly caramelized. Add salt and thyme.

2. Dry the dog thoroughly inside and out. You may stuff the dog with the vegetables at this time; however, if you use a conventional stuffing, such as one for a turkey, wait until just before cooking and make certain that the dog and stuffing are at room temperature.

3. The easiest way to close the opening is to use an ice pick or an upholstery needle to punch rows of holes about an inch apart on both sides of the stomach flaps. Then lace it up with thick string just as you would a shoe. You may also use skewers and string as you would for a turkey.

4. Place the dog in a big roasting pan; it may have to be placed diagonally. Tuck the hind legs close to the stomach on either side; tie them together with a string under the stomach if needed. The forelegs should be pointing straight ahead (also tied together so they won't spread out) and the head resting between them.

5. Place a small piece of wood (like a child's block) or a piece of bunched-up foil in the mouth, opening it as wide as you can. Twist the tail into a curl and secure it with string or tape. Place crumpled aluminum foil in the eye sockets (some people place marbles).

6. At this point you may cover it with plastic wrap and refrigerate it. Before cooking the dog, let it come to room temperature.

7. Preheat oven to 230C. Baste every inch of the dog with oil, including the head, legs and tail. Make little covers for the ears and tail of aluminum foil.

8. If your dog hangs over the pan, use heavy-duty foil to extend the pan so that any juices will be collected. Place the dog in the oven for 30 minutes.

9. Remove the dog quickly, shutting the oven door, baste with oil again and return to the oven. Then reduce the temperature to 175C. Continue basting with oil every 20 minutes 4 to 5 mor

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance (Post 15822)

Indeed... maybe we could force him to go through an intensive rehab operation, where he has to eat a big bloody steak every hour, on the hour, for a day or so?

Hmmm irony good for the blood!
I wouldn't turn hourly steaks down for sure!! :D

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Them vegans will be roasting in the pits of hell

Re: Vegetarianism = Satanism

Quote:

Originally Posted by emmawilliams (Post 379748)

Hmmm irony good for the blood!
I wouldn't turn hourly steaks down for sure!! :D

HAHAHAHAHA.
your so funny.

Vegetarianism is not satanism, what are you, piffleing retarded?
It's eating healthy and saving another living creature at the same time.