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-   -   POLL: The Worst False Religion? (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=1015)

Brother Temperance 12-02-2006 12:52 AM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Arethusa (Post 20629)
Da--I mean golly

Did you just have to restrain yourself from calling Pastor Al "Daddy?" I know it's a tempting idea, and easy to imagine, but you should only be calling Your Father in Heaven that, not Poppa - I mean Pastor Pistle!
Quote:

Originally Posted by Arethusa
Surely He doesn't want me to go to school and to the night club in the same pair of shoes. I would be shaming him. :(

As has been pointed out, you don't need to waste your money on frivolities like night clubs in the first place. Rather than chowing down on disco biscuits and then standing around till an obscene hour of the morning drinking overpriced gin and being pummelled by pounding pounding techno beatz, why not just gobble down a fistful of black bombers and then stay up to 5 in the morning studying the Book of Kings? Of course, ultimately we'd prefer that you give up the drug habit altogether, but if you could just redirect your chemically induced energies towards slightly more Godly ends, it'd be a good start.

Arethusa 12-02-2006 07:19 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance (Post 20683)
Did you just have to restrain yourself from calling Pastor Al "Daddy?" I know it's a tempting idea, and easy to imagine, but you should only be calling Your Father in Heaven that, not Poppa - I mean Pastor Pistle!

Yes, that was it, "Daddy". For sure. What about my real Dad though, my birth father? What may I call him?

Quote:

As has been pointed out, you don't need to waste your money on frivolities like night clubs in the first place. Rather than chowing down on disco biscuits and then standing around till an obscene hour of the morning drinking overpriced gin and being pummelled by pounding pounding techno beatz, why not just gobble down a fistful of black bombers and then stay up to 5 in the morning studying the Book of Kings? Of course, ultimately we'd prefer that you give up the drug habit altogether, but if you could just redirect your chemically induced energies towards slightly more Godly ends, it'd be a good start.
Disco biscuits?? :lol: Is that something you old folks used to...partake in back in the 70's? I'm not pummelled by techno beats if I can help it, I avoid those nightspots like the plague. As for "chemicals" I'm more of a rum & coke, Bailey's cream, martini with the occasional shots kind of girl. Not on the same night of course! I alternate.

I must say Brother Temperance I had to google this "black bomber" to learn what it was and the results were...discouraging. How about I make some hot chocolate, pour in a little Appleton rum, add some whipcream and drink that instead? I may have to read the Book of Political Theory rather than Kings but I assure it is practically the same thing.

Arethusa 12-02-2006 07:23 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by OnYourKnees (Post 20642)
Ah, you're learning!

Correct, He doesn't want you going to school (except Sunday School, or Home Economics classes) or to harlot-training night clubs. Indeed, such actions WOULD be shaming Him!

I was never very good at Home Ec. Needlework was much worse.

Pastor Ezekiel 12-03-2006 12:18 AM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Arethusa (Post 20794)
I was never very good at Home Ec. Needlework was much worse.

If you can't cook or sew, you'll never find a True Christian™ husband to subjugate you. Didn't your mother teach you anything?

Arethusa 12-03-2006 12:37 AM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 20862)
If you can't cook or sew, you'll never find a True Christian™ husband to subjugate you. Didn't your mother teach you anything?

Oh, I can cook, but Home Ec. was the most boring class on earth. Sewing...that's another story.

Crazy Cat Lady 12-03-2006 05:46 AM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Oh dear, they're all horrible, but I went with the catholics because I heard about what they do to small children. They most likely do the same horrible thing to kitties as well, and forcing themselves onto helpless children and animals is horribly dreadful.

Brother Temperance 12-03-2006 03:54 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Arethusa (Post 20792)
Yes, that was it, "Daddy". For sure. What about my real Dad though, my birth father? What may I call him?

It's a very tricky question. I am always cautious to avoid violating Matthew 23:9, for fear that I'd turn into a Catholic idolator and end up in the Lake of Fire. Generally speaking, since my father is a yid, I just avoid talking to him whenever possible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arethusa
Disco biscuits?? :lol: Is that something you old folks used to...partake in back in the 70's? I'm not pummelled by techno beats if I can help it, I avoid those nightspots like the plague. As for "chemicals" I'm more of a rum & coke, Bailey's cream, martini with the occasional shots kind of girl. Not on the same night of course! I alternate.

I must say Brother Temperance I had to google this "black bomber" to learn what it was and the results were...discouraging. How about I make some hot chocolate, pour in a little Appleton rum, add some whipcream and drink that instead? I may have to read the Book of Political Theory rather than Kings but I assure it is practically the same thing.

Hmmm... this drink sounds like it may have some kind of soporific effects. On the other hand, the Bible is so chock-full of fascinating stuff that leafing through it'll wake you right up. And this political theory book is NOT an adequate substitute for God's word! I've had the misfortune to encounter political theory on occasion, and it's a bunch of tedious mumbo-jumbo. You won't find gripping stuff like this in The Origins of the Family, Private Property, and the State (or whatever secular rubbish is trendy this week):
Genesis 5:1 This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him;
2 Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.
3 And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, and after his image; and called his name Seth:
4 And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters:
5 And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died.
6 And Seth lived an hundred and five years, and begat Enos:
7 And Seth lived after he begat Enos eight hundred and seven years, and begat sons and daughters:
8 And all the days of Seth were nine hundred and twelve years: and he died.
9 And Enos lived ninety years, and begat Cainan:
10 And Enos lived after he begat Cainan eight hundred and fifteen years, and begat sons and daughters:
11 And all the days of Enos were nine hundred and five years: and he died.
12 And Cainan lived seventy years and begat Mahalaleel:
13 And Cainan lived after he begat Mahalaleel eight hundred and forty years, and begat sons and daughters:
14 And all the days of Cainan were nine hundred and ten years: and he died.
15 And Mahalaleel lived sixty and five years, and begat Jared:
16 And Mahalaleel lived after he begat Jared eight hundred and thirty years, and begat sons and daughters:
17 And all the days of Mahalaleel were eight hundred ninety and five years: and he died.
18 And Jared lived an hundred sixty and two years, and he begat Enoch:
19 And Jared lived after he begat Enoch eight hundred years, and begat sons and daughters:
20 And all the days of Jared were nine hundred sixty and two years: and he died.
21 And Enoch lived sixty and five years, and begat Methuselah:
22 And Enoch walked with God after he begat Methuselah three hundred years, and begat sons and daughters:
23 And all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and five years:
24 And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.
25 And Methuselah lived an hundred eighty and seven years, and begat Lamech.
26 And Methuselah lived after he begat Lamech seven hundred eighty and two years, and begat sons and daughters:
27 And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died.
28 And Lamech lived an hundred eighty and two years, and begat a son:
29 And he called his name Noah, saying, This same shall comfort us concerning our work and toil of our hands, because of the ground which the LORD hath cursed.
30 And Lamech lived after he begat Noah five hundred ninety and five years, and begat sons and daughters:
31 And all the days of Lamech were seven hundred seventy and seven years: and he died. 32 And Noah was five hundred years old: and Noah begat Shem, Ham, and Japheth.

Where God took Enoch is another question altogether.

Glendora Christianson 12-03-2006 08:06 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
1 Attachment(s)
Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazy Cat Lady (Post 20886)
Oh dear, they're all horrible, but I went with the catholics because I heard about what they do to small children. They most likely do the same horrible thing to kitties as well, and forcing themselves onto helpless children and animals is horribly dreadful.

I'm so sorry you had to experience those thoughts, Cat Lady. And I couldn't help but wonder about a picture I saw lately . . . doesn't that priest look a little too happy? And that poor kitty . . . she has terror in her eyes. Sort of a "you're going to do what to me with that" look. We must pray for the Lord to protect our children and pets from those bad Catlickers. CONCERNED MOTHER GLENDORA

Poetic Peter 12-03-2006 09:19 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance (Post 20966)
It's a very tricky question. I am always cautious to avoid violating Matthew 23:9, for fear that I'd turn into a Catholic idolator and end up in the Lake of Fire. Generally speaking, since my father is a yid, I just avoid talking to him whenever possible.


Hmmm... this drink sounds like it may have some kind of soporific effects. On the other hand, the Bible is so chock-full of fascinating stuff that leafing through it'll wake you right up. And this political theory book is NOT an adequate substitute for God's word! I've had the misfortune to encounter political theory on occasion, and it's a bunch of tedious mumbo-jumbo. You won't find gripping stuff like this in The Origins of the Family, Private Property, and the State (or whatever secular rubbish is trendy this week):
Genesis 5:1 This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him;
2 Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.
3 And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, and after his image; and called his name Seth:
4 And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters:
5 And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died.
6 And Seth lived an hundred and five years, and begat Enos:
7 And Seth lived after he begat Enos eight hundred and seven years, and begat sons and daughters:
8 And all the days of Seth were nine hundred and twelve years: and he died.
9 And Enos lived ninety years, and begat Cainan:
10 And Enos lived after he begat Cainan eight hundred and fifteen years, and begat sons and daughters:
11 And all the days of Enos were nine hundred and five years: and he died.
12 And Cainan lived seventy years and begat Mahalaleel:
13 And Cainan lived after he begat Mahalaleel eight hundred and forty years, and begat sons and daughters:
14 And all the days of Cainan were nine hundred and ten years: and he died.
15 And Mahalaleel lived sixty and five years, and begat Jared:
16 And Mahalaleel lived after he begat Jared eight hundred and thirty years, and begat sons and daughters:
17 And all the days of Mahalaleel were eight hundred ninety and five years: and he died.
18 And Jared lived an hundred sixty and two years, and he begat Enoch:
19 And Jared lived after he begat Enoch eight hundred years, and begat sons and daughters:
20 And all the days of Jared were nine hundred sixty and two years: and he died.
21 And Enoch lived sixty and five years, and begat Methuselah:
22 And Enoch walked with God after he begat Methuselah three hundred years, and begat sons and daughters:
23 And all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and five years:
24 And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.
25 And Methuselah lived an hundred eighty and seven years, and begat Lamech.
26 And Methuselah lived after he begat Lamech seven hundred eighty and two years, and begat sons and daughters:
27 And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died.
28 And Lamech lived an hundred eighty and two years, and begat a son:
29 And he called his name Noah, saying, This same shall comfort us concerning our work and toil of our hands, because of the ground which the LORD hath cursed.
30 And Lamech lived after he begat Noah five hundred ninety and five years, and begat sons and daughters:
31 And all the days of Lamech were seven hundred seventy and seven years: and he died. 32 And Noah was five hundred years old: and Noah begat Shem, Ham, and Japheth.

Where God took Enoch is another question altogether

Well then...?


BT=:wacko:

pp=;)

tommy 12-03-2006 09:21 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Every religion has its "worst false religion".:(

DAT21 12-03-2006 10:36 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Personally, I think God should just SMITE ALL EVIL RELIGIONS, HERETICS, AND ANYONE WHO COMMITS BLASHPHEMY STARTING WITH NONE OTHER THAN...THE LANDOVER BAPTIST CHURCH FOR THEIR FALSE PREACHING AND OBVIOUS HATE OF ALL THINGS GODLY!!!

Brother Phil 12-03-2006 10:41 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DAT21 (Post 21113)
Personally, I think God should just SMITE ALL EVIL RELIGIONS, HERETICS, AND ANYONE WHO COMMITS BLASHPHEMY STARTING WITH NONE OTHER THAN...THE LANDOVER BAPTIST CHURCH FOR THEIR FALSE PREACHING AND OBVIOUS HATE OF ALL THINGS GODLY!!!

I agree 100%!

DAT21 12-03-2006 10:51 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DAT21 (Post 21113)
Personally, I think God should just SMITE ALL EVIL RELIGIONS, HERETICS, AND ANYONE WHO COMMITS BLASHPHEMY STARTING WITH NONE OTHER THAN...THE LANDOVER BAPTIST CHURCH FOR THEIR FALSE PREACHING AND OBVIOUS HATE OF ALL THINGS GODLY!!!

REPENT, GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND START PLEASING JESUS. FEEL HIS SALVATION ALL OVER YOUR FACE.

Pastor Al E Pistle 12-03-2006 10:54 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DAT21 (Post 21122)
REPENT, GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES AND START PLEASING JESUS. FEEL HIS SALVATION ALL OVER YOUR FACE.

OH! So you are a CATLICKER! Get thee hence, son of SATAN!

DAT21 12-03-2006 11:02 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle (Post 21125)
OH! So you are a CATLICKER! Get thee hence, son of SATAN!

When did I mention cats. Get thee to Satan false prophet. By the way, I was licking your mom's pussy-cat last night.

Clown Boy 12-03-2006 11:10 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DAT21 (Post 21134)
When did I mention cats. Get thee to Satan false prophet. By the way, I was licking your mom's pussy-cat last night.

Lmao! I thought you guys were 'Christian'. Anyway. The wrost false religion is Baptist! Haha. I mean come on. No real christian goes around spanking their wives. That's to kinky for you guys. Why don't you stick to all those lame ass christmas carols that are as annoying as hell.

Why do you spank your wives?

Pastor Al E Pistle 12-03-2006 11:17 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by DAT21 (Post 21134)
When did I mention cats. Get thee to Satan false prophet. By the way, I was licking your mom's pussy-cat last night.

OOPS! GONG!

Brother Temperance 12-03-2006 11:19 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tommy (Post 21083)
Every religion has its "worst false religion".:(

I know. It is called "Islam."
Quote:

Originally Posted by Clown
Lmao! I thought you guys were 'Christian'. In case you had failed to notice, the idiot with fleas on his tongue isn't one of us, just a particularly imbecilic piece of tumbleweed which happened to roll in from the information superhighway. Anyway. The wrost false religion is Baptist! Oh good, I was just thinking there wasn't enough stupidity on the boards today. Haha. I mean come on. No real christian goes around spanking their wives. That's to kinky for you guys. Why don't you stick to all those lame ass christmas carols that are as annoying as hell.

Why do you spank your wives?

Because somebody's got to.

Brother Phil 12-03-2006 11:24 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance (Post 21151)
I know. It is called "Islam."

Because somebody's got to.

I find it amusing that you think that Islam is the worst religion. Of all the religions to hate why do you pick similar ones? Judism, Islam and christianity all believe similar things whith slight differences. WHy dont you hate completely different religions like taoism?

Brother Temperance 12-03-2006 11:26 PM

Re: POLL: The Worst False Religion?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Brother Phil (Post 21157)
I find it amusing that you think that Islam is the worst religion. Of all the religions to hate why do you pick similar ones? Judism, Islam and christianity all believe similar things whith slight differences. WHy dont you hate completely different religions like taoism?

You call the difference between worshipping someone and nailing them to a big plank of wood a "slight difference"? My word. And whoever said we don't hate taoists?


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