My introduction
 

Hello, Landover Baptist Church.
I am a filthy atheist sodomite, who has, for his whole life, plainly rejected the love of Jesus by being a fag. You may be asking, "what is such a disgusting abomination doing on our forums?" The reason is that I wish to repent. To rid myself of sin. To cast out the demons. Most sodomites do not wish to embrace the truth of God, that they are sinful. I was like that too, until I began to think. Not to long ago, I was participating in a gay orgy, when I began to feel this odd sense, deep in my heart. The next time I was at a fag party, I felt the same. It was overpowering. After some time and thought, I realized it was none other than Jesus Christ trying to tell me that what I was doing hurt him, and it was wrong. The next time my "friends" invited me to an orgy, I declined, and it felt... Beautiful. I realized my crimes against God, and I decided to become a Christian. I thought this forum would be a good place to start my journey.

Re: My introduction
 

Hello, dear, and :welcome-flowers: to the godliest corner of the Internet!

Your path to Salvation is very easy:

1. Repent for your sins (as long as you haven't blasphemed against the Holy Ghost, every other sin can be forgiven, Mark 3:29).

2. Read the Holy Bible.

3. Follow it to the letter.

I will pray for you, dear. :pray:

Re: My introduction
 

Thank you, Basilissa. I hope to get to know you and the others better on my path to repentance.

Re: My introduction
 

This one can be a little tricky. Have you ever cried out "Oh God" or "Jesus Christ" in a moment of sodomistic ecstasy? Too bad, you're done for. If you haven't, you're still in with a chance.

Re: My introduction
 

Welcome young man. But I sense that you have not really abandoned the lure of the rectum and corn-hole? The dirty end of your fellow man?

Will you take a look at my program that ensures no more rectal recidivism?

The program works, if you work it, and your testimony is quite familiar.

You CAN be fag-free if you give Jesus control of your glans, anus, sigmoid rectum and prostate. No more thought of stimulation down there. Give your body to God and Jesus!

In Christ

Re: My introduction
 

Welcome, Sodomite. I suppose we can forego the usual procedures while we await the proof of your rejection of Satan. Leviticus 20:13 has the instructions, but if you have really come to Jesus then you are forgiven and such drastic action is no longer necessary. Besides, if your alleged salvation turns out to be a filthy lie, well, justice can still be dispensed.

God Bless!

Re: My introduction
 

Well Praise Jesus! Another foul, disgusting, perverted, negligent steward of seed has decided to embrace the Body of Christ, and find the One Thing that can fill the God-Shaped hole in his heart! Oh how I shall pray you the fertile ground upon which the LORD planted His divine Seed (Matthew 13:8)!

I know you feel bad about disappointing Jesus. I know you think to yourself, "Self, I can't possibly feel any more humiliated than I already do." And I want to share with you the good news that Jesus not only thinks worse of you, He's come to the conclusion you are the most repulsive thing on this earth! All sinners are! Why, to Him, you are nothing more than a festering rag soaking up menstrual blood (Isaiah 64:6)! Can you imagine anything more vile than that? I can't either, Praise the Lord!

But how wonderful for you that, should you be sincere in your desire to repent, Jesus has promised to look the other way and embrace Alzheimer's like memory loss of every repellent, nasty sinful behavior, word, or thought you've ever had, and pretend none of it ever happened (Isaiah 43:25)!

Welcome to our forums, dear. I look forward to watching your rebirth in the Spirit.

:)

Re: My introduction
 

:bye: Hello, Sodomite Fag!

Welcome to the friendliest destination on the Interwebs. May I assure you that you are among friends here. We praise GOD for every filthy gaywise piece of wasted flesh that bows down before the Master and acknowledges his past sinful, sick, disgusting ways. We encourage you to cry out for God's forgiveness and see what happens.

You see, I was once a sinner, too. I was a chronic masturbator, a "Christian" in title, but the devil's servant in reality. I have an even greater sin to reveal: I was a practicing Cathylick. As a result of that, I am all too familiar with the sins of Sodom - and frighteningly acquainted with those of Gomorrah.

Read 1 Corinthians 6:11. It should bring some hope to your soul, which now reeks in the nasal passages of the One Who created us. But you can smell much better! You see, Christ's blood is the Febreze of the soul.

Once you've repented of your sins, may I implore you to take part in the Ex-Gay programs that Landover offers all across this country? I also urge you to throw out anything that opens the door to the sins of the rectally inclined: Judy Garland albums, Cher memorabilia, and - horrors! - ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING RELATED TO MADONNA. Throw out those cute little earrings you got at Claire's Boutique, all of your underwear (except Hanes or FOTL, white, of course), and yes, even that fabulous little Armani swimsuit. All of these things are of the devil and should have no place in your home any longer.

But please do not think the Christian life means giving up everything! NO! Look at God's promise: 1 Corinthians 2:9 tells us that there are far more things awaiting us in Glory than we can ever imagine here below. Think long-term, and all of a sudden, waiting more than 2000 years for Christ to shew His Beautiful Face seems a mere pittance.

COME LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry

Re: My introduction
 

Surely you are correct in saying that this is the friendliest and most truthful place in the entire internet. Praise :jesus-fancy:!
I must ask, however, what shall I do next to repent? I have followed your previous steps, and I would like to know how to get closer to the lord.

Re: My introduction
 

You have already read all Holy Bible, cover to cover?

Praise Jesus!

What is your favorite verse, then? :)

Re: My introduction
 

I would say that I liked Leviticus 18:22 and Leviticus 20:13, mainly because of my... Relation to them.
However to pick a favorite, I would say Luke 7:48, as it shows that you can be forgiven of sin, and realigned to the righteous path.

Re: My introduction
 

Witness! Save other mud-packers! Make an effort to save the gay scum from themselves! Do you not have regrets from the hell you went through every time you licked Satan's ear and violently penetrated another sissy? Do the right thing, and you will be in my prayers.

Mark 16:15 - And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.

Jeremiah 1:7-8 - But the LORD said unto me, Say not, I [am] a child: for thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee, and whatsoever I command thee thou shalt speak. (Read More...)

1 Peter 3:15 - But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and [be] ready always to [give] an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:

Acts 1:8 - But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth.

Matthew 5:16 - Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

Romans 10:17 - So then faith [cometh] by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

Colossians 4:2-6 - Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving; (Read More...)

Matthew 28:18-20 - And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth. (Read More...)

2 Timothy 2:15 - Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.

Matthew 28:19-20 - Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: (Read More...)

Galatians 2:20 - I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

Romans 1:16 - For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.

Psalms 40:9-10 - I have preached righteousness in the great congregation: lo, I have not refrained my lips, O LORD, thou knowest. (Read More...)

Hebrews 4:12 - For the word of God [is] quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and [is] a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

In Christ

Re: My introduction
 

Sodomite,

The most urgent action you must now take is to fall on your knees. Don't just kneel, but FALL on those knees. Now, open up your mouth and ask JESUS to cleanse you of all sin and unrighteousness. BEG HIM to fill you up with His massive Love. Claim His promise of Salvation® through the temporary sacrifice on the Hill of Golgotha!

Repent aloud of every vile sin you have ever committed! It sometimes helps to list them here on the forum so nothing is held back. Let the darkness be shattered by the light of GOD's LOVE. No matter how wicked, post those sins here and then use your mouth to confess them to our Master. You need to have a Holy Exorcism because of your hideously unclean and perverse lifestyle. DO NOT TARRY! Seek this exorcism NOW. Landover has amazingly affordable rates and payment plans (You can even use your home as collateral). But do not be fooled - you can NOT buy your way to Heaven. You can, however, increase your chances by setting up a regular, substantial tithing plan by calling the Landover offices and speaking with Sister Cookie. She will need access to your last ten years of tax returns, just to ensure you're giving all you can to JESUS. :innocent:

Yes! It's so simple to invite Jesus in! But you must then live for Him every day - doing absolutely everything He tells you to do! He is your master now, and He deserves all your devotion, attention, and LOVE. READ THE BIBLE and do everything it says. Everything. Once again, God created us to be so simple that He made His simple plan to save us by having His Son temporarily killed so that He could love us again - have you ever heard of such a perfect plan?

Oh, He is SO GOOD to those He loves. (And a real bear to those He hates) Be on His good side, friend. Pray. Tithe. Witness. Tithe some more. Attend a good Baptist church. Read the 1611 King James version of the Holy Bible every single day. Carry it with you as a roadmap to life. It contains ALL the answers - to every one of life's problems. Once you have accepted Christ, He nor His people will ever leave you alone again. Glory to His Precious Name. :lol:

I would love to kneel with you someday, Brother. Welcome to the fold of GOD. GLORY! Thank You, Jesus! :thumbsup:

COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry

Re: My introduction
 

Welcome, Sebastian!

Just remember, your anus is no longer your own. It belongs to Jesus. You cannot just do what you want with Jesus' anus. To engage in homersex now would be tantamount to subjecting Jesus Himself to anal rape.

First Corinthians 6:9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
First Corinthians 6:10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
First Corinthians 6:15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.
First Corinthians 6:16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
First Corinthians 6:17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
First Corinthians 6:18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
First Corinthians 6:19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

Re: My introduction
 

Thank you brotherlarry! I will attend my first day of church this Sunday, the Orlando first baptist church. How exiting!:thumbsup:

Re: My introduction
 

AMEN! Jesus' anus is in Mr. Sebastian's hands, and I pray he takes good care of it.

\o/

Re: My introduction
 

I have read this thread with mounting excitement! I too fervently desire Jesus' anus in my hands. Please would everyone join me in prayer for this to become a reality?

Re: My introduction
 

Are you somewhat of a pervert? Why do you want Jesus´s anus in your hands? Why don´t you desire to have Jesus fill you with His Huge Love like all the other True Christians on this website?

Re: My introduction
 

No, Mr Jones. No one is going to pray for you to have homosex with our Lord and Savior. Yeah, that's right. We're on to you. You may think you're clever, but we're more cleverer, plus we have the Prince of Peace on our side.

Please try harder to make better choices in life, son.