Re: why we need to be spanked
 

I really do not understand why you are here. This is a forum to fellowship about Jesus and following His Word©.

If you reject bits of the Bible that you personally don't like, what do you think Jesus would think about that?

YIC

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

Dr Niles,

I would prefer to ask one of the ladies of the forum this question but I am not yet able to begin my own questions - I pray that occurs soon - but it is, well, almost "that time" of the month for me. I asked my Mother this question and she isn't sure, since Father rarely allows her to visit the internet: Should women use the computer during that time or does it make their posts unclean? I don't want to anger our Lord nor offend the pious women and Godly men here. I know you are a busy (and handsome) man, but this has been burning in my breast for days as I near my unclean time. Won't you help me, please? It is almost like that time when Aunt Elizabeth Sue was supposed to sing a special song at the Eastertide, when all of a sudden her monthly came unexpectedly. She was shunned for quite some time when the pastor learned she was not only bleeding while she sang "Oh Lord, my soul doth long for Thee," (in the key of C) but that she had used a tampon instead of a Godly sanitary napkin to absorb her sin. Oh, my - Father is angry that I have written too much and that I spoke of female issues. I must go.

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

I think the perfect solution would be to have your computer inside of your menstrual hut.

This way you can abide by Jesus' command (Leviticus 15:19) and continue to post.

You might want to consider voice recognition software so that your unclean hands do not leave residue on the keyboard.

God bless.

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

Unfortunately, my hut does not have electricity; Father felt I could do without conveniences for a few days each month, and I have, of course, submitted to that decision. Oh, how I sometimes curse Eve for her stupidity in listening to that vile serpent. May our Lord bless you, Dr. Niles, for your wisdom and for taking time to respond to me. No doubt you are a veritable saint in the eyes of Jesus.

Respectfully,
Naomi Ruth Lamb

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

Mark I dream of getting spanked by you

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

No doubt you call'spanking' a euphemism for be taken like a kleenex from a nightstand.

The Pastor was correct, you are a dirty, filthy whore.:angry:

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

old man please help me

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

Ask you father to install our JesOS™ computer operating system. Pastor Isaac Peters worked intimately with the Holy Ghost to provide a superior operating system worthy of protecting True Christians™. Your father will find it has many wonderful features, including these:

Oh dear! I heard of a lady who didn't believe in the importance of bearing children as commanded by God (Genesis 1:28), and found THIS MESSAGE FROM CHRIST when flushing her would-be miracle down the toilet!

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

I know. ;)

I knew from the moment you began protesting so vociferously about NOT wanting to be spanked that what you truly long for is a vigorous bare-bottomed spanking at the hands of a True Christian™ man.

Now that you have admitted the truth, I suggest you get on your knees, open up, and receive the burgeoning love of Christ, swallowing as much of it as you can until you are full to capacity.

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

Hahahaha mark I actually want a spanking from the likes of u :)

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

I suspect you are possessed by demons. You post one thing at one time, and then later, you post something completely contradictory. You have done this several times now. The secular world would call this multiple personality disorder, but we True Christians™ recognize this as demonic possession instead. Do you feel them churning between your buttocks?

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

Its called sacrasm mark sacrasm no I am not possessed my any demons but thank you for the concern

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

Sure it is, sweet cheeks, sure it is. ;)

Hey, you had multiple sacrasms. :pirate:

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

Yes, I enjoy sacrasm its called having a sense of humor. You should really try it sometime, then you might be some what bearable to speak too. :)

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

Apparently my brand of humour is a bit two sophisticated four ewe. ;)

By the way, the word is spelled "sarcasm."

But, the fact that you are hell bound is no laughing matter. You still need to post an introduction thread. At that point we can get down to the business of ministering to your many needs.

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

I have a minister he is not you nor anyone from this church, so please save your breasts.

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

This "minister" is obviously a failure as a Christian. You are in dire need authentic ministering. So, hop on over to the Introductions sub-forum, and tell us about yourself. This is no longer a friendly request, but an order, lassie. :nono:

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

Do not speak of my pastor like that. And ooo nooo I'm so scared!!!!

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

Your "pastor" is an abomination before God. He is obviously not qualified to be teaching the Word of God, using you as an example of his handiwork. His kind give real Pastors such as our fine Pastors here a bad name. Shame on him.

And shame on you for refusing to abide by the guidelines here regarding posting an introduction. But, given that you refuse to follow God's Word, why would you follow anything else. You simply hate God. :thumbdown:

Re: why we need to be spanked
 

I have made the introduction forum you requested Mark please feel free to read it!!