I was here before I lost my mind
My names Curtis Edward Grice and I'm here to join your church I thought about it and I'm ready to be a member
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How nice of you to realize that there is one Real, True™ Church left on Earth (it is us, obviously). You are still a stranger to us and we'd like to know you better. How did you find Jesus! What parts of the Good Book speak to you most fervently? How's begetting? You'll find us very welcoming and charitable! Hebrews 13:2 Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. Yours in Christ, Elmer :bye: |
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I love the Bible, the story of Job is my favorite.
I was raised in church. Begetting? (Meaning?) |
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The story of Job is indeed magnificent. Do you especially enjoy the parts that depict dinosaurs and thus prove young-day Creationism? Begetting is the synonym for siring new soldiers for Christ! Genesis 5:3 And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, after his image; and called his name Seth: Yours in Christ, Elmer :bye: |
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It is interesting, I always thought that man walked with dinosaurs, and confused them with dragons in the 16th century
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Everyone needs to wake up and follow the Lord before the Lord forgets they exist
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Hi, Curtis. You seem rather taciturn. Tell us how you found Jesus. I love hearing how people found Jesus.
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Greetings Curtis! I make you welcome even though I am not a member of this church. I am Rastafari and not a Baptist. But I am a Christian. It is good to see a man come to this site who is from one of the Black parts of Babylon even though you do not seem to be Black in your picture. I am a Black man from Jamaica and I am here in your country as a student on scholarship in Wisconsin. There are few Black men there so they recruit Black men to come to their university for diversity. They are scrooges at that school and they only pay me 400usd per week for expenses. Ganja is very expensive in Babylon and I still have to eat. I am unable to afford a car and I want a Range Rover. This is said to be the season of giving and you are a white man made rich by the labor of Black slaves. Perhaps you could ease your conscious by gifting me a Range Rover for Christmas. Remember that it is better to give than receive.
Jah Guide Trevor |
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As we all know, children are too stupid to understand Jesus' temporary death sacrifice. Being raised in a Baptist church does not equal fully understanding Jesus' love for those who follow Him and His hate towards the rest of humanity. You also must be mature enough to understand the rules of life and love God, to earn His conditional love as well. :innocent: |
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While we are thrilled you'd like to be a member of LBC, a bigger question is, does LBC want you as a member. You cannot just walk in the the gates past security at Landover and into the Church. Why we'd have every Tom, Dick and Harry coming in and the members who have proven their devotion to Jesus by making substantial contributions to further the work of Christ deserve the token of appreciation by being provided with reserved parking, scooter chairs, coffee served with scones pew side and fine linens. Could you imagine the outrage if something was soiled or a scone was missing? Please contact Miss Cookie in the Church office. Request the forms needed to apply for membership. Include a check payable to Cash for the $5,000.00 consideration processing fee. Do not forget the last ten years of 1040's and at least three recommendations from a Gold Tither™ or above. The Church board will look forward to reviewing your application when time permits. |
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John 1:42 "And he brought him to Jesus. And when Jesus beheld him, he said, Thou art Simon the son of Jona: thou shalt be called Cephas, which is by interpretation, A stone." I see that you are a man of few words, which is no penalty in the eyes of God, be assured. Psalm 39:2 "I was dumb with silence, I held my peace, even from good; and my sorrow was stirred." To join God's church, you will need to align your worldview with what God tells us. Starting alphabetically, with the curse of autism/gayness, do you agree that the homosexual threat posed by autistics is a very real cause for concern in these troubled times? And that real Christians have every reason to be alarmed by the degenerates? In Christ |
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I lost my username and password you can call me Curtis
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How do you personally see the unsaved scum, spastics and losers that decide to be autistiscal? Would you share a love seat in Heaven with them? Can you imagine the smell? No thanks! In Christ |
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I wish to make amends, and join God's favorite church and forum.
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Our congregation has a history of being targeted by the atheist, the homersexual and the recidivist. As a consequence we are very careful who is allowed to become part of God's favourite forum. What would set you on the right path with our Pastors is a 500 word essay about what you have done for Christ in the last year. It is expected that you cover such contemporary issues such as gay marriage, concealed carry and slavery. Spelling and punctuation are mandatory. I wish you well in completing this task and look forwards to greeting you as a brother. YIC |
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