Sweet Child Bride of Mine
 

Here's a new BONUS track on our Gold re-release of Sinless Psalms for Shithole Countries set to the tune (an improvement technically) of that Godless Axel Rose's Sweet Child O'Mine. Special thanks to Mrs. Hugh G. Dinkies for back up on the organ.


The years are creeping up, feeling awfully lonely,
Big beautiful Baptist gals just ain't doing it for me,
Look elsewhere,
In some smelly third-world shanty,
Smiling brides to be, sure ain't scanty.
So I sent my order, ship to a special place,
the Godly USA,
Cause I'm tired of waiting so long,
so I'll take a wife for pay,

Whoooooooa! Sweet child bride of mine.
Whhoooooooaa! Sweet child bride of mine.

She's got the grace and looks right down to a tee,
she ain't even yet hit puberty,
But that's okay for our nightly slumbers,
Read 31:17 in the Book of Numbers!
Of course she'll learn the American Way,
And act less Russian if she'd like to stay,
In a few more years, she'll be no frump,
There's hope, just look at Melania Trump!

Whoooooooah, sweet child bride of mine!
Whooooooooah, sweet child bride of mine!

Re: Sweet Child Bride of Mine
 

I don't much care for rock and roll music, but this is very romantic, and it really did get my toes tapping.

Re: Sweet Child Bride of Mine
 

I have to be careful when reading your song. I found myself humming along while I was doing my nightly Bible study. Mister Jim I must say you have quite the way with words!

Yours in Christ,

Maxine Levantine

Re: Sweet Child Bride of Mine
 

I'm so pleased to see my work has touched you both, particularly you Maxime. I'm sure you are an excellent hummer, and it would be dandy if we could arrange to meet and you can hum for me? We will just tell your father it's Bible study (Which will be corroborated by a certain Pastor). :) See you soon!

Re: Sweet Child Bride of Mine
 

I should add Maxy, not to get to excited over me, let's not be creaming panties just yet. We men tend to bore of ladies easily. Don't take it personally, but I see you no more than the average groupie. So, uh, don't be telling your pa about me yet, okay?

Re: Sweet Child Bride of Mine
 

Mr. Lombardo,


Just a thought, maybe you could do some concerts for the Church on a given Sunday? Maybe the rest of the congregation would like to hear it?

Re: Sweet Child Bride of Mine
 

Certainly Mister Jim. I do have to say though, he monitors everything I do on the computer and given how my computer works (it uses JesOS you see), history cannot be deleted as it would be considered me hiding something from God. I could simply tell my Pa that God already looked at my computer today and see if that would keep him from looking at the computer.

Re: Sweet Child Bride of Mine
 

As a father of teenagers, I can confirm that your Pa is right to do this and you should not question him. My estranged SJW daughter Rebecca was constantly looking at pop music videos, Harry Potter fanfiction, and gay porn. George Bush Lukes: so much porn, spitting in the face of God and his namesake. Bertha has an unfortunate interest in Jap "anime" cartoons. Even Kenny likes looking at video game footage and sinful "memes" that have nothing to do with Christ. And as for Dennis Jr., his Internet access is monitored by local law enforcement.


You vile teenagers, with your thoughts constantly turning to sin, are lucky to be allowed access to the web at all. :nono: