For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

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For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!

Shown below in the following passages inspired by Jesus the Christ, are examples for Christian men in how to get a wife, praise!
Forget those ungodly and unbiblical dating sites like E.Harmony and Christian Dating, whereas shown below are the true Biblical ways
in obtaining a wife of your dreams!


1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes.
Then she’s yours! (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

2. Find a prostitute and marry her. YIKES, whatever works! (Hosea 1:1-3)

3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock, and biblically, he should give you one
of his daughters, easy peasy! (Exodus 2:16-21)

4. Purchase a piece of property and get a woman as part of the deal. (Ruth 4:5-10)

5. Go to a party and hide. When the women comes out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife, how easy is this! (Judges 21:19-25)

6. Have our God Jesus create a wife for you while you are asleep. Note: this will cost you a rib. (Genesis 2:19-24)

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman.
Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place.
That’s right. Fourteen years of toil to get a wife, ouch! (Genesis 29:15-30)

8. This should be a favorite for all True Christian men looking for a wife. Cut off 200 foreskins of your future father-in-law’s enemies
and get his daughter for a wife in return! (I Samuel 18:27)

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone. (Genesis 4:16-17)

10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest and choose a wife. (Esther 2:3-4)

11. When you see someone you think could be your wife, go home and tell your parents and say: “I have seen a woman; now get her for me.”
If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me!” (Judges 14:1-3)

12. Have any husband killed and take his wife. (2 Samuel 11)

13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow as your wife. (Deuteronomy 25:5-10)

14. Don’t be so damn picky in choosing a wife. Make up for quality with quantity, praise! (1 Kings 11:1-3)


I have followed a few of these passages shown above in obtaining my 9 wives over the years because of the simple fact that Jesus told us
to be “fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 9:1) so I can add future Christian Soldiers for the cause, thank you Jesus! The only problem with this
scenario was that my wives life ambition was to be able to “sit up.” :(

Are there any married Christian men that can give us stories in how they biblically got their wives in marriage relative to the passages shown
above? Don't be shy, Jesus is watching you! (Hebrews 4:13)



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Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

Let's not forget another popular route for Christian marriage. Rape.

The last directive seems somewhat opaque, to me, but simple enough to follow blindly. No messing with your father's bit of skirt, got it.

Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

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Dr. Anthony J. Toole,

In Jesus' inspired passage that you gave relative to a father's "skirt,' seems to relate to the Scottish ethnic group in their men wearing kilts, or skirts.
One now has to wonder if Jesus, as our serial killer Yahweh God incarnate, created at the same time with His chosen people the Hebrews, the Scottish people as well?

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Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

Mr. Brother Thomas, the passage means precisely what it says.

Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

What about the Romans?

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Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

Sister Mitz, not to belabor the point but scholars estimate the time of Deuteronomy to be around 7th Century BC whereas the Roman Empire dates much later, perhaps 3rd or 4th Century BC. Therefore it seem unlikely the author of the passage was referring to Roman skirt - but still far more probable than the ludicrous suggestion from the non-TC of a Scottish kilt, which originates from the 16th Century AD.

After consultation with authoritative references, and in the context of having sexual intercourse with your own mother (father's wife), father's skirt clearly refers to father's extra-marital sexual partners. Do not sleep with your father's wife (your mother), or his mistress(es). It is logical and perfectly clear.

Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

But wasn't Rome founded around 750 (give or take a couple of years) BC? That would place it in the 8th century BC. :)

Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

Where did you hear that nonsense? Sister, I watch the History channel. Perhaps your husband can sit you down and explain it to you.

Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

Deuteronomy was discovered later than it was written. I doubt that Moses visited Inverness. It's a romantic city, ideal for the honeymoon.

Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

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To the MALE membership,

I cannot believe in how the women being shown to be 2nd class within the scriptures, are allowed to try and correct a man within this godly inspired by Jesus forum where we are explicitly told by Him that we are superior to the woman where they need to find their proper place within the faith! BLASPHEME!

"Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man." (1 Corinthians 11:9"





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I preach the TRUE words of Jesus the Christ within the JUDEO-Christian Bible KJV 1611 as follows:

My Greyhound Bus Depot Ministry: This is where I specifically teach to the wayward 2nd class citizen women that if they listen at the onset, then I take them to my Bible bus usually parked down by the river for further studies and imbibing in Jesus’ favorite drink of wine, praise!

My Nevada State Brothel Ministry:[U] One of my favorite Ministries, where I take a missionary position in spreading the word of Jesus to these ungodly courtesans.

My Nudest Camp Ministry: With the weather permitting, this is where I take a hard position for expounding upon Jesus’ true words to the exposed of His creation.


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Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

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Basilissa,

Tell me dear if you’ve heard this one before, you are NOT to even try to correct Dr. Anthony J. Toole as a man because we men are superior you Sister’s of Eve women! Have you forgotten this one of many verses showing this biblical axiom to be true? “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.” (1 Timothy 2:11-12).

Furthermore dear, in my initial godly post in how Christian men can gain a proper wife, and if you are married, did your husband follow any of the Jesus inspired passages that I provided in His name to make you his wife?


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I preach the TRUE words of Jesus the Christ within the JUDEO-Christian Bible KJV 1611 as follows:

My Greyhound Bus Depot Ministry: This is where I specifically teach to the wayward 2nd class citizen women that if they listen at the onset, then I take them to my Bible bus usually parked down by the river for further studies and imbibing in Jesus’ favorite drink of wine, praise!

My Nevada State Brothel Ministry: One of my favorite Ministries, where I take a missionary position in spreading the word of Jesus to these ungodly courtesans.

My Nudest Camp Ministry: With the weather permitting, this is where I take a hard position for expounding upon Jesus’ true words to the exposed of His creation.


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Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

My dear, dear, Mister Thomas, it is you, yourself who is assuming a position of authority not deserved. Sister Basilissa is a True Christian™ member of :landover-fancy: and will be dealt with--or not-- in accordance with LBC Pastoral authority. They, alone, know her financial spiritual stance before Our Lord and Savior.

You fella, are a forum member. Your spiritual standing in :church-fancy:, and on :forum-fancy: has yet to be determined. If we were somewhere else on the internet during some earlier decade, this is where I would ask, "Capsice?" However, as we are here at the premiere website for discussion and discernment of the Most Significant Book Ever Printed, I will (not surprisingly) turn to its pages instead.


Matthew 11:15 He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.


Yeah, uh huh. That is also something that has yet to be determined.

Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

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handmaiden,

If I can be frank, and you can still remain "handmaiden," you posted this Jesus inspire passage herewith: "Matthew 11:15 He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.". Therefore in response to what is implied by said passage, I have heard the Jesus inspired passage below once again: “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.” (1 Timothy 2:11-12).

In you being a Sister of Eve, it is about time you find your proper place within the the faith, of which, you are only here to serve the superior man in subjection, period! Handmaiden, you remind me of the 7th wife: “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.” (Proverbs 21:9)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBIC8JTQMMQ



Now, do you have anything to add to my initial post of how a Christian man can find a wife in the scriptures shown, or if you are married, Jesus forbid, do you have any experience regarding the scriptures posed in how your poor husband might have followed one of them when he married you? Huh?

Furthermore, I do preach the TRUE words of our serial killer Jesus as Yahweh God incarnate, because in prayer with Him nightly, he told me so, whereas He always tells me what I want or need to hear, praise!




__________________________________________________

I preach the TRUE words of Jesus the Christ within the JUDEO-Christian Bible KJV 1611 as follows:

My Greyhound Bus Depot Ministry: This is where I specifically teach to the wayward 2nd class citizen women that if they listen at the onset, then I take them to my Bible bus usually parked down by the river for further studies and imbibing in Jesus’ favorite drink of wine, praise!

My Nevada State Brothel Ministry: One of my favorite Ministries, where I take a missionary position in spreading the word of Jesus to these ungodly courtesans.

My Nudest Camp Ministry: With the weather permitting, this is where I take a hard position for expounding upon Jesus’ true words to the exposed of His creation.




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Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

I thought you said that your name is "Thomas". Yes, I remain "handmaiden" and you remain not-a-member-of-our-church.

Blah, de blah, blah, blah. Satan quoted Scripture, dude. But he refused to submit to the established power structure. Thus, he was removed from The Holy Presence. Of course, since you clearly think that you are "The Holy Presence" can that really happen?

[We're just going to delete any questionable links right now.]


Nope. Nothing to add. Just waiting for someone else to come along and point out that you aren't a True Christian™ and I am.

Okay, that last part, I'm really starting to believe.

Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

Let me stop you there, Mr. Thomas. There is no "we". There is you on your own. We True Christians are safe in the bosom of Christ.
You have used my name spitefully, out of turn, and persecuted True Christians - as Jesus said you would; we will pray for you.

Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

Well, thank you for asking, dear. Yes I am married although it happened via Zoom but Pastor Zeke says it's legal, although my Enrique is still stuck in godless South America (something related to several misunderstandings at the border regarding some merchandise transported by his crew, I don't occupy my pretty head with such petty details). However he tithed substantially so the 50 shekels have been fulfilled and greatly exceeded. :thumbsup:

The Biblical passage which applies the best to our situation is this one:

Deuteronomy 22:28-29
28 If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;
29 Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.

I see that you forgot to include it in your list.

Pastor Zeke received the payment, as my father is a godless heathen. We told Pastor Zeke about our, ehem, situation, without being found by anyone, but he insisted on acting out Deuteronomy 22, to make our engagement officially Biblical.


I'd say I enjoyed the reenactment more than Enrique did. :ph34r: But Pastor Ezekiel seemed content, and that's what matters the most. :thumbsup:

Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

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handmaiden,

In addressing your ungodly post #14:


YOUR ASSUMED FUNNY QUOTE: “I thought you said that your name is “Thomas.”

Listen up Hell bound woman, don’t play Satanic semanics with me dear, whereas beng “frank” is a well used idiom! Don't you ever "smart mouth" me again Bible 2nd class woman!


YOUR UNGODLY QUOTE AS A WOMAN: Yes, I remain "handmaiden" and you remain not-a-member-of-our-church.

If I am not a member of this church, then to be “frank” again, you as a hell bound woman is most certainly NOT a member of this church! You have yet to godly realize that upon your demise, you as a woman are DONE because there is no more use for you! Therefore when you start smelling “sulfur” you will know that you are ending your life upon Jesus’ earth! Remember dear, Jesus as our God looked down upon you because you created sin for man by transgressing in eating from the tree of knowledge first, then handing the fruit to Adam! Therefore, He gave you pain in child birth and also gave men to rule over your female gender, praise Jesus' revenge upon the woman! "To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16)


YOUR QUOTE RELATIVE TO YOU BEING A SISTER OF EVE: “Blah, de blah, blah, blah.”

Yeah, you can runaway from Jesus’ true and inspired words until the cows come home, but you as a 2nd class woman as the Bible so states, won’t be using your term above upon Judgment Day when Jesus opens the trap door to HELL in your behalf, praise!


YOUR QUOTE RELATING TO MY BRINGING FORTH PROVERBS 21:9 REFERRING TO MY 7TH WIFE: “Satan quoted Scripture, dude. ….”

With your quote above, you have opened a HUGE can of worms, whereas if we cannot take Jesus’ scripture as written, then you might as well burn your JUDEO-Christian Bible, where you show BLASPHEME towards Jesus’ inspired words! What did I expect from a Bible 2nd class woman? "Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the Scripture is of any private interpretation, for the prophecy never came by the will of man, but holy men of God spoke as they were moved by the Holy Spirit." (2 Peter 1:20-21)


YOUR QUOTE WHERE YOU ARE STARTING TO BELIEVE IN WHAT I GODLY PROPOSE: “Okay, that last part, I'm really starting to believe.”

DUH!!!


Handmaiden, your ungodly presence is excused for now.




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I preach the TRUE words of Jesus the Christ within the KJV JUDEO-Christian Bible as follows:

My Greyhound Bus Depot Ministry: This is where I specifically teach to the wayward 2nd class citizen women that if they listen at the onset, then I take them to my Bible bus usually parked down by the river for further studies and imbibing in Jesus’ favorite drink of wine, praise!

My Nevada State Brothel Ministry: One of my favorite Ministries, where I take a missionary position in spreading the word of Jesus to these ungodly courtesans.

My Nudest Camp Ministry: With the weather permitting, this is where I take a hard position for expounding upon Jesus’ true words to the exposed of His creation.



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Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

Listen, Dude, it's not my fault if I'm funnier than you. God made me what I am. And Pastor Zeke and the Senior Leadership made me a member in good standing of :landover-fancy:. It was their choice and I am humbled and grateful for it.

At some point, some member of the Senior Leadership will decide what to do about you. They may decide to accept you or they may decide to excuse you. But you do not excuse me.


Do you not understand the hierarchal ranking here?

Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

This is where I stopped reading.

Tommy dear, you seem to forget that we at Landover Baptist Church believe in social hierarchy just like Jesus does.


For your information: as a mere forum member, you rank somewhere between slaves and dust mites:

Landover Baptist Church hierarchy:
1. Pastor Ezekiel
2. Other pastors
3. True Christian™ men
4. True Christian™ women
5. LBC servants
6. LBC septic tank cleaners
7. Slaves (like the people in China who make our smartphones)
... (list edited for brevity)
47. Forum members
.... (list edited for brevity)
73. Dust mites
74. Unsaved trash

Re: For Single Christian Men that are looking for a wife!
 

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Basilissa

YOUR QUOTE REMOVING JESUS AS THE FIRST MEMBER WE SHOULD LISTEN TOO: “At some point, some member of the Senior Leadership will decide what to do about you. They may decide to accept you or they may decide to excuse you. But you do not excuse me.

Dear, I have godly vouchsafing in excusing ANY 2nd class women that steps out of line with me as the superior man.


YOUR QUOTE IN NOT INCLUDING JESUS AND HIS DIRECT WORDS WITHIN THE SCRIPTURES: “Do you not understand the hierarchal ranking here?

Remember dear, your standing at Landover Baptist Church is just a mere 2nd class woman, where you slap Jesus in the face by not putting Him at the top of the hierarchal list!!! WTF?


The Christian Hierarchy should read:

1. Jesus
2. His direct words within the JUDEO-Christian Bible
3. Pastor Ezekiel
4. Other pastors
5. True Christian™ men
6. True Christian™ women
7. LBC servants
8. LBC septic tank cleaners
9. Slaves (like the people in China who make our smartphones)
... (list edited for brevity)
47. Forum members
.... (list edited for brevity)
73. Dust mites
74. Unsaved trash


Basilissa, are you smelling “sulfur” yet?




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I preach the TRUE words of Jesus the Christ within the JUDEO-Christian KJV Bible:

My Greyhound Bus Depot Ministry: This is where I specifically teach to the wayward 2nd class citizen women that if they listen at the onset, then I take them to my Bible bus usually parked down by the river for further studies and imbibing in Jesus’ favorite drink of wine, praise!

My Nevada State Brothel Ministry: One of my favorite Ministries, where I take a missionary position in spreading the word of Jesus to these ungodly courtesans.

My Nudest Camp Ministry: With the weather permitting, this is where I take a hard position for expounding upon Jesus’ true words to the exposed of His creation.


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