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-   -   To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=110037)

BrotherLarry 09-21-2016 10:32 PM

To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
From the offices of Michael Hezekiah, Atty at Law


While I have not yet consulted with Larry Pureheart, my client, I would like to propose a less expensive solution than the faux exorcism you speak of.


I've found for $300, I can have a woman who calls herself Lady Kerawynn do a ritual of "Banishing and Casting." In this ritual, Kerawynn banishes the unwanted entities from the property and casts them to land where they may. If the good people of your town have any sense at all, they won't worry about where the spirits land.


She then forms her arms into a cross and says:


BEFORE ME STANDS RAPHAEL
BEHIND ME GABRIEL
AT MY RIGHT HAND MICHAEL
AT MY LEFT HAND URIEL
BEFORE ME FLAMES THE PENTAGRAM
AND ABOVE ME
SHINES THE SIX-RAYED
STAR.


She does this while standing in front of a flaming pentagram, which is basically a star-like thing with candles at each point. This is an ancient symbol often used along with an ankh for fertility and other rituals. I'm sure it would rid the place of your ridiculous spirits.


Or how about a better idea? Realize it is 2016 and there is no need for any of this.


I'll wait to hear from you before sending the $300 to your private account.


Mike

Johny Joe Hold 09-22-2016 12:13 AM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BrotherLarry (Post 1189301)
From the offices of Michael Hezekiah, Atty at Law.
While I have not yet consulted with Larry Pureheart, my client, I would like to propose a less expensive solution than the faux exorcism you speak of.
I've found for $300, I can have a woman who calls herself Lady Kerawynn do a ritual of "Banishing and Casting." In this ritual, Kerawynn banishes the unwanted entities from the property and casts them to land where they may. If the good people of your town have any sense at all, they won't worry about where the spirits land.
She then forms her arms into a cross and says:
BEFORE ME STANDS RAPHAEL
BEHIND ME GABRIEL
AT MY RIGHT HAND MICHAEL
AT MY LEFT HAND URIEL
BEFORE ME FLAMES THE PENTAGRAM
AND ABOVE ME
SHINES THE SIX-RAYED
STAR.
She does this while standing in front of a flaming pentagram, which is basically a star-like thing with candles at each point. This is an ancient symbol often used along with an ankh for fertility and other rituals. I'm sure it would rid the place of your ridiculous spirits.
Mike

Dear Attorney Hezekiah:

Your proposed solution to the foreign and heathen spirits embedded in this Freehold owned property is not acceptable. In fact, that solution might have come from the Hillary for President website staffed by barefoot harlots with flowers in their hair.

To proceed with this matter, Attorney Hezekiah, we need to be more forthcoming. First, it would help matters if you would admit your people, the Jews, killed Jesus. This would not change history but would allow the City of Freehold know it was dealing with an honest Jew.

Second, there is this matter of the pastoral fees needed to cleanse the property. You have proposed a tiny payment that would not begin to cover the cost of a Pastor Zeke visit to the property. Pastor Zeke may even be increasing the cost of his services, having been gone for some time.

Thus, the offer of this ritual is unacceptable. Perhaps further discussion of Pastor Zeke's cleansing ritual would be fruitful.

Johny Joe Hold
Mayor of Freehold

BrotherLarry 09-22-2016 02:19 AM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Lady Kerawynn Greets you in the name of the Goddess!


Michael Hezekiah informs me that the town of Freehold is in need of my services. For a mere $300 per house, I will banish the evilness from your lovely town.


Many people see your Christ when they look in my eyes. Jesus Christ deserves our respect but not our worship. I am proud that others see Jesus in my eyes, but I do not rely on him for any of my powers.


Those come from the Goddess.


If your citizens wish me to cleanse their homes, please let Mr. Attorney Hezekiah know and I will travel at once to your land. I am also capable of love incantations, fertility rituals, spells to aid in stress relief, and removal of inhibitions that prevent female orgasms. Since I am bisexual, I will test my spells on anyone - man, woman, even beast.


I look forward to removing evil from your land and restoring the blessing of the Goddess.


Blessed be!
Lady Kerawynn


Roland 09-22-2016 07:46 AM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BrotherLarry (Post 1189306)

Hello Larry,

You won´t have to tell me how easy it is to fall for the beauty of redheads. You might be careful giving them access to your computer though. Before you know it they start posting strange things under your account which might lead to you having to have a stern talk with multiple pastors. Be safe and have fun.

Kind regards,

Roland

Joanna Lytton-Vasey 09-22-2016 08:43 AM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Brother Larry, your account has been hacked (again), probably by Russian anarchists. I have notified the administrators of these Godly forums and they said they will reset your password.

I hope they remember to tell you what the new password is.

BrotherLarry 09-22-2016 12:37 PM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Friends,


May I assure you I have not been seduced by the wiles of this witch nor have I been hacked. I have been praying ever since I discovered these posts. Permit me to explain:


As is obvious from other posts, I am simply trying to move to Freehold to be rid of godless NYC temptations and to live where I can keep horses and maintain a respectable gnathology practice as I study to become a veterinarian.


Selfless academian and most of all True Christian™ Elmer White has presented an opportunity to continue my education at Landover University. The property on Exodus Lane is near the Whitford Library and a short drive to campus and such attractions as the Flint Fountain (is it really solid gold?), the Christ's Glorious Appearing landing site, and the spires of Landover Baptist Church.


My joo attorney is unhappy with a $300,000 pastoral services fee and he was offering an alternative without consulting with me first. He allowed the witch to use my account. I have informed him that it is unacceptable and I have provided her address to several of the most adept witch hunters for the upcoming event. She would be an excellent catch.


In the meantime, I just want to move ahead with my purchase of a home in your fair city. I have alternative plans for a home after speaking with your realty office. We'll get this all behind us soon. Let's return to praising Jesus and winning souls for the LORD, shall we? GLORY!


COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry

Johny Joe Hold 09-22-2016 04:27 PM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Brother Larry, the matter of horses brings up something else involving our Christian life here in Freehold. It is whether you plan on treating these horses with respect, and liberals are wont to do, or disrespect as we Christians are required to do by our Bible.

Christianity was hit with a low blow by the book and movie, The Horse Whisperer.

The Bible teaches us that we humans are the masters of all that is around us. We dominate the animals.

We learned in the Bible that Jesus loves the bull whip. I wish we had a photograph of the donkey Jesus rode into Jerusalem. It would have had scares and whip marks from Jesus' whip.

The whip was the Christian way of training horses--we were to whip the horse until its spirit was broken. Then it would do as it was told.
Along comes this atheist, The Horse Whisperer, and starts telling people horses have individual personalities and we must learn what the horse wants.

I want some reassurance, Brother Larry, that you will be treating these horses with Christian distain, whips and all. We cannot tolerate horses in Freehold who think they are the masters of man.
http://www.training-horses-naturally...whisperer.html

BrotherLarry 09-22-2016 05:18 PM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold (Post 1189340)
Brother Larry, the matter of horses brings up something else involving our Christian life here in Freehold. It is whether you plan on treating these horses with respect, and liberals are wont to do, or disrespect as we Christians are required to do by our Bible.

Christianity was hit with a low blow by the book and movie, The Horse Whisperer.

The Bible teaches us that we humans are the masters of all that is around us. We dominate the animals.

We learned in the Bible that Jesus loves the bull whip. I wish we had a photograph of the donkey Jesus rode into Jerulsem. It would have had scares and whip marks from Jesus' whip.

The whip was the Christian way of training horses--we were to whip the horse until its spirit was broken. Then it would do as it was told.
Along comes this atheist, The Horse Whisperer, and starts telling people horses have individual personalities and we must learn what the horse wants.

I want some reassurance, Brother Larry, that you will be treating these horses with Christian distain, whips and all. We cannot tolerate horses in Freehold who think they are the masters of man.
http://www.training-horses-naturally...whisperer.html


From the desk of Michael Hezekiah, Esq.
Attorney at Law

Mayor Hold:
Your continued resistance to releasing the keys to my client led me to do further research into the property. Why are documents sealed by the Iowa Supreme Court regarding the prior use of this home? Who is "Faith Machine," and why does his name appear in several investigations related to 1925 Exodus Lane? What is the purpose of the "immediate removal of the "FM van"? I also was surprised to learn of an emergency "DOF/Mayor's Council" session yesterday, changing the zoning of the property from residential to condemned.

I hate to do things like this publicly, sir. However, in the best interests of my client, I am asking the Federal appeals court in your district to overturn the seal and allow complete transparency. We intend to subpoena your honor and other parties of interest. Unless, of course, those keys arrive by secure courier within 24 hours.

My client has advised me he is willing to pay the Pastoral Services Fee, but my advice to him is to hold out on that for now while we learn more.

One more thing: I have tried to reach one Ezekiel Flint, but the person(s) answering his phone continue to tell me he is unavailable or that he will "call in a few moments." No such call has been received. I understand whoever this Flint person is has some authority within your city?

I am sure those keys will be forthcoming.

M. Hezekiah, Attorney at Law
PS: Your last correspondence still has reference to Christ killing. OK. If you MUST continue with this nonsense, I Killed Jesus. There. Is that better? Yep, I crucified that SOB and watched his body hang on quality lumber from the Jerusalem Home Depot. Danced at the foot of his cross. Are you satisfied? Finally?

Johny Joe Hold 09-23-2016 11:56 PM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BrotherLarry (Post 1189344)
From the desk of Michael Hezekiah, Esq.
Attorney at Law

Mayor Hold:
Your continued resistance to releasing the keys to my client led me to do further research into the property. Why are documents sealed by the Iowa Supreme Court regarding the prior use of this home? Who is "Faith Machine," and why does his name appear in several investigations related to 1925 Exodus Lane? What is the purpose of the "immediate removal of the "FM van"? I also was surprised to learn of an emergency "DOF/Mayor's Council" session yesterday, changing the zoning of the property from residential to condemned.


M. Hezekiah, Attorney at Law
PS: Your last correspondence still has reference to Christ killing. OK. If you MUST continue with this nonsense, I Killed Jesus. There. Is that better? Yep, I crucified that SOB and watched his body hang on quality lumber from the Jerusalem Home Depot. Danced at the foot of his cross. Are you satisfied? Finally?

Dear Mr. Hezekiah:

I can tell from your letters we are talking to each other across what sociologists call a "cultural divide." You, from the Jewish faith, were brought up in a culture of haggling. To you, there are no hard and fast moral or standards, just what you can negotiate.

We Baptists, on the other hand do things by the book. For example, we know there are dangerous spiritual elements on this property and they must the dealt with. It costs $300,000.

I have pointed out we are a Christian community that expects animals to be treated as lesser and under the club of humans. We need to see evidence of Brother Larry's resolve to whip his horses. And, there are other Christian requirements. We would not want to see women riding Brother Larry's horses in an manner but side saddle and wearing covering dresses.

In the future, please focus on important issues, rather the process for buying surplus property in Freehold.
Johny Joe Hold, Mayor

BrotherLarry 09-24-2016 01:27 AM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Mr. Mayor,


This has all gotten way out of hand. I didn't tell my lawyer to say any of this to you.


Now he's claiming that he wants to buy the house and land himself for some riding academy or whatever - for girls. I don't know where he's headed with that, but I'm going to ask your help in just getting my money refunded so I can purchase another property on the "residential" list.


I am grateful for your patience.


Respectfully
BrotherLarry

Johny Joe Hold 09-24-2016 02:50 AM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BrotherLarry (Post 1189470)
Mr. Mayor,
This has all gotten way out of hand. I didn't tell my lawyer to say any of this to you.
Now he's claiming that he wants to buy the house and land himself for some riding academy or whatever - for girls. I don't know where he's headed with that, but I'm going to ask your help in just getting my money refunded so I can purchase another property on the "residential" list.
I am grateful for your patience.
Respectfully
BrotherLarry

Staff just cut a check with you refund, Brother Larry.

You made the right choice by terminating the Jew lawyer. I am suspicious of people who commit crimes, like killing Jesus, and never sincerely own up to them.

As to a girl's riding academy, Freehold's zoning laws permit only riding academies for boys. Hopefully he has something else in mind.

Michael Hezekiah Esq 09-24-2016 03:39 AM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Mr. Mayor:

I am not sure why you have been so stubborn regarding my client's purchase, but soon all will be revealed. A subpoena will be arriving at City Hall requiring your appearance in court. I have paid the back taxes for the property on Exodus Lane, making me the owner and rightful possessor of any keys, deeds, titles, etc.

I will have representatives in your city Monday to survey the land and provide me with information about the condition of the stables and grounds. This will include some excavation, but I assure you that neighboring properties will not be inconvenienced.

Pursuant to Iowa Code, you have the right to present objections to the court once a date has been set. However, considering the circumstances, you may just want to send those keys. They're rightfully mine.

M. Hezekiah, Atty at Law

Roland 09-24-2016 05:24 AM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Michael Hezekiah Esq (Post 1189485)
[...]This will include some excavation, but I assure you that neighboring properties will not be inconvenienced. [...]

I have some vague recollection of some Marko sending one or more gold bar(s) with a stamp of an eagle on it to Freehold. That was a long time ago but I never heard anything about it again. Is this a possible heist?

Johny Joe Hold 09-24-2016 04:13 PM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Roland (Post 1189497)
I have some vague recollection of some Marko sending one or more gold bar(s) with a stamp of an eagle on it to Freehold. That was a long time ago but I never heard anything about it again. Is this a possible heist?

I heard that too, Roland. If there is gold on the property, we want it to belong to the City of Freehold. This property has been infected by Savages, Pagans and who knows what else and that is why it has been zoned as contaminated. All along, there was that story of buried gold.

Then, along comes this Jew lawyer who wants to poke around on the property. Does anyone believe he wants to start a "riding academy?"

This is a time for Freehold to shine. We must show the world we stand to integrity and good government. That is why there was a late night meeting to rezone the property and preserve whatever bounty might be there for Jesus.

Joanna Lytton-Vasey 09-24-2016 04:58 PM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold (Post 1189514)
Does anyone believe he wants to start a "riding academy?"

My husband says he took that to be a euphemism, but when I asked what he thinks it's a euphemism for, he just laughed and said "Not in front of the children".

BrotherLarry 09-24-2016 05:45 PM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Mayor Johny,

I've been looking at the realty listings and have come across a couple that I can afford without losing my whole trust fund in one fell swoop and I will be providing you with a list of those once I choose the ones of most interest.

I apologize that the Joo attorney has been so much trouble. I am tithing extra this week to help make up for it. Your check in refund of what I'd paid before arrived as you promised.

I just want to get back to praising JESUS and glorifying HIS NAME - a name above all others. And - a friend mentioned something to me that might be a real boost to my income in addition to my vet degree by mail! It's very exciting and I think will add to my value as a Freehold resident. God is so good - all the time.

Again, I hope the outcome of this legal matter is positive for you.

COME, LORD JESUS! (Rev 22:12)
BrotherLarry

PS: Has anyone mentioned to you that you resemble actor Chris Hemsworth? Good for you, sir!

handmaiden 09-25-2016 02:31 AM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BrotherLarry (Post 1189518)
BrotherLarry

PS: Has anyone mentioned to you that you resemble actor Chris Hemsworth? Good for you, sir!


You mean like this?




http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZwGr468YnG...77bda6f65e.jpg




The beard is the best part. Reminds me of Jesus. :wub:


Spiritually Yours,


Handmaiden

Johny Joe Hold 09-25-2016 04:11 AM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by handmaiden (Post 1189579)
You mean like this?




http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZwGr468YnG...77bda6f65e.jpg




The beard is the best part. Reminds me of Jesus. :wub:
Spiritually Yours,
Handmaiden


Thank you, Sister Handmaiden. I have to admit that would have been a good likeness of me some years ago. The stress of public office have since given me a few gray hairs.

Michael Hezekiah Esq 09-26-2016 05:36 AM

Re: To Mayor Hold: Legal Notice
 
Well Johny, I see the residents of your town are prone to kissing ***unnatural association to fornication removed***. You look about as much like Hemsworth as I look like the giant Goliath.


When the subpoena arrives I would appreciate your cooperation in setting a court date quickly. The girls of Iowa are looking for recreational opportunities and I am going to provide that - in the heart of Freehold. :thumbsup:


Take care, JH!


Mike Hez'
Atty at Law


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