The Landover Baptist Church Forum

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- The Freehold Truth and Light Baptist newspaper (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumdisplay.php?f=12)

- - Delinquent Tithers (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=105829)

Delinquent Tithers

Re: Delinquent Tithers

Pastor, Do you still have that aging calendar girl - Miss June or something - working in the office. She's misspelled Brother Horace and Sister Mabel's name. Again. Please tell her for next time that 'Cunningham' has 3 'n's, not 2.

Re: Delinquent Tithers

I regret my own failings in the paucity of my recent contributions. I fear that my congregation's funds have been frozen due to certain uncalled for actions by the Internal Revenue Service, the Treasury Department and the FBI. As a result, Church employees, like myself, have not been paid in some weeks. We have prayed over the situation and the answer has been that we are right, they are all wrong and we have been called to open a new bank account for tithes that the godless government doesn't know about. I hope to rectify my past due account in short order. God Bless!

Re: Delinquent Tithers

I do not understand why these people do not simply use ChristPay™ and provide the Church with their bank and routing number. Jesus can get what is due unto Him with no fuss.
It makes no sense to risk True Salvation™ over a few dollars. Just imagine the horror of arriving in Heaven, waiting in the lines for days, weeks possibly until it is your turn to be Judged©. Your file on the desk and being line reviewed. The occasional "hmmm', 'Hrumpf', 'Oh my', and if you are a True Christian, ' Excellent, Outstanding really'. Then those green bar printouts, showing all income from all sources (Yes, even that dime grandma gave you when you were five) on one side and on the other, how much you gave to Jesus and how much you joo'd :joo: him out of.
Could you imagine being denied access to Heaven all over a dime? No one will ever fault you for over tithing. Spending money on your family is a temporary thing, spending it on God is for all of eternity. Stay the course, keep focused on the Brass Ring of Eternal Bliss©.

Re: Delinquent Tithers

Quote:

Originally Posted by James Hutchins (Post 1146460)

Fine testimony, Brother Hutchins. Use of ChristPay™ has the potential to bring every member tithe up to date and the opportunity to add to the funds needed for Pastor Zeke's new Airbus.

We're just now at a turning point across the entire globe. The opportunity is there to convert all the Hindu, Islam and other fake faiths to Jesus. We need LBC funded to the max and Pastor Zeke on that Airbus preaching around the world.

Re: Delinquent Tithers

I've been talking with my friends over at Mastercard/Visa Merchant services and I might be able to get them to up their process service fee 1%. The customers will not ever notice it but that 1% adds up. Of course it will be on the customer end and not the merchant. God knows how hard it is for a business to stay above ground in this Obama economy. If this works out, the funds will go into the Pastors discretionary fund and not the general fund.

Re: bebloggingaboutanything

Among them, the "Mount Fuji onigiri" with a high rate of check-in, the upper part is sky blue because of the addition of food coloring and butterfly pea flower water, and the middle is wrapped with mentaiko filling, which is very cute.

Link to midget porn site removed by a friendly moderator

Re: bebloggingaboutanything

Quote:

Originally Posted by bebloggingaboutanyth (Post 1308769)

Friend, what better medium to express yourself with than with ChristPay™ where you can schedule monthly payments in advance.

Why, why, why the midget porn though. Why are midgets doing porn linked in every single post to our Godly forum by Unsaved Trash members? Midgets ugh.

Re: Delinquent Tithers

I'm at a bit of a loss here. We solved the delinquent tither problem in 2016 by making anyone more than 30 days behind on their tithe sit in back in the negro/hispanic section during Sunday services. So why is this thread suddenly active seven years later?

Re: Delinquent Tithers

Quote:

Originally Posted by WWJDnow (Post 1308802)

Avert your eyes brother, the midgets are back and hornier than ever.

Re: Delinquent Tithers

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dennis Lukes (Post 1308817)

Avert your eyes brother, the midgets are back and hornier than ever.

I've heard midgets are particularly bad in Summer especially in Scotchland.

Quote:

Midgets in Scotland?

We were just about to book a ferry to Scotland when my wife read an article regarding Midgets in Scotland being a huge problem.

We are in a Motorhome with 3 young kids (3/5/7). Trip was due to be the first two weeks in July.

Are the Midgets really that big a problem? Dont want a trip ruined by them. Our 2nd options is southern England (Devon/Cornwall) so changing to Rosslare wont be an issue.

Been to Edinburgh a few times so we wanted to see the hignlands / lakes / Skye etc. Thought it might be nice while the kids are small enough to be easily entertained and not looking to go to theme parks etc.

Any Tips?

Re: Delinquent Tithers

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole (Post 1308818)

I've heard midgets are particularly bad in Summer especially in Scotchland.

Midgets are roughly the size of a tom turkey.

Quote:

MOSSBERG SA-28 TACTICAL MIDGET GUN
Whether you’re a first-timer or accomplished in the shooting sports, you can’t go wrong with Mossberg International sub-gauge autoloaders. Lightweight and quick-swinging, these versatile smaller-gauge shotguns provide maneuverability when hunting nimble upland and woodland targets, or when busting clays.
AMERICAN TACTICAL MIDGET 20-GAUGE OVER/UNDER 22-INCH
The American Tactical short barrel, over/under, 20-gauge in Mossy Oak Bottomland is a cool gun any midget hunter would want to have in their shotgun lineup. Also available in 12-gauge and 410.

CZ USA
The new CZ 712 G3 is at home in the field or on a clay target course. The gun’s gas-operated system reduces recoil and cycles 2¾- and 3-inch shotshells. Two pistons are included with the shotgun for light and heavy loads. Either piston accepts a wide range of shot shells within its designation. With the light piston installed, soft recoiling shot shells for target shooting can be cycled easily. While with the heavy piston installed, the CZ 712 G3 can take on even the hottest loads midget hunters use. The chrome-lined barrels of the 712 G3 hold up under extended firing and ensure consistent patterns with five provided extra-long Active-Choke tubes. The CZ 712 G3’s receiver and barrel utilize Mossy Oak® Elements Terra Camo.

APEX GREENLEAF MIDGET TSS BLEND
Apex Ammunition has introduced another ammunition specially for midget hunters, the Apex Mossy Oak Greenleaf Midget TSS Blend. Available in 3-inch 12-gauge 2 1/4 ounce loads and 3-inch 20-gauge 1 5/8 ounce loads, these premium “duplex” shells feature a combination of No. 9 and No. 10 TSS delivering an exceptional payload of 1,096 pellets in 12-gauge shells and 774 pellets in the 20-gauge. With a density of 18.1 grams per cubic centimeter, the Apex tungsten super shot loads hit with devastating energy. Each meticulously handloaded shell features clean-burning powder and Apex’s one-piece tungsten-grade wad system engineered to deliver the tightest patterns possible and maximum barrel protection

Selr-defense, of course.

Re: Delinquent Tithers

Summer has arrived and that means you know what. Tithing increases - which due to inflation are +10% this year. Jesus died on the cross for our sins so the least we can do is pay him off in the form of tax exempt discretionary funds.

Re: Delinquent Tithers

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole (Post 1310751)

It makes Joe Biden angry when you give money to LBC and it reduces your taxes. And Satan, he's livid. Do your tithe and make them both mad.

Re: Delinquent Tithers

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold (Post 1310752)

It makes Joe Biden angry when you give money to LBC and it reduces your taxes. And Satan, he's livid. Do your tithe and make them both mad.

Oh, yes, indeed, dear Brother Mayor Hold. And, not only does tithing to :landover-fancy: make Satan livid, but it makes Almighty :god-fancy: very happy!

II Corinthians 9:7 "Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver."

:glory: