True Christian™ Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Ladies, recent comments by Republican Missouri senate nominee Todd Akin regarding his stance on abortion has come to the attention of Americans everywhere.



Now we here at Landover Baptist Church know very well that the LORD blesses and watches over His flock (Isaiah 61:9; Deuteronomy 28:8; Philippians 4:19). We also know that many women (and men - yikes!) have claimed to have been raped. Clearly this means most of these people are NOT a part of the vine (John 15:1-2), which explains why God's Blessing has been justly denied them. In any case, let's look at some statistics. According to Crisis Connection:

Friends, this is a tragedy!






A predictable consequence of "Feminism" is a prejudice against men!

How do we know?

Because women who maintain Godly standards usually DON'T GET RAPED! Certainly not in this quantity!

So the first thing to do to avoid being raped, is to maintain Godly standards for yourself! Here are some things the LORD was careful to include in the Holy Bible. If it's in the Holy Bible, we know it must be the most important information in the world. Of course True Christians™ know why - it keeps us safe!

We know, for example, the LORD made men to be visually stimulated. They can't help it, and this is but one of the things Satan uses to try and win their souls.

And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
Matthew 5:29

However, the LORD saw to it that devoted men would record the information we women need to do in order to keep from temping the men in our lives to stumble in sin (Romans 14:21). It is a very simple solution - a Godly, modest dress code.

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
1 Peter 3:3

The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.
Deuteronomy 22:5

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
Proverbs 31:30

As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.
Proverbs 11:22

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:2

IF you happen to be legitimately raped, that is, forced against your will, then you need not worry about getting pregnant. You see, our bodies were fearfully and wonderfully made! (Psalm 139:14) The LORD has provided within our bodies, the miraculous mechanics of thwarting unwanted seed!

Now, I hope you'll bear with me while I show you some medical pictures. You may want to usher small children and boys/men from the room before looking. These pictures, although not lewd or pornographic in any way, do depict the female anatomy and might be inappropriate for some people.


Perhaps our dear Brother, Professor Bessimer can help us understand all this technical and medical jargon, but in the mean time, I encourage you to "fear not"! (1 Peter 3:14)

As senate nominee Todd Akin explains, after much medical and scientific training,





And do keep in mind, should the LORD send someone to forcibly impregnate you, each pregnancy is a gift from God! Why, as former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee explains, some "Forcible Rapes" created "Extraordinary" people!

“Ethel Waters, for example, was the result of a forcible rape,” Huckabee said on his radio show, according to the Los Angeles Times. “I used to work for James Robison back in the 1970s, he leads a large Christian organization. He, himself, was the result of a forcible rape. And so I know it happens, and yet even from those horrible, horrible tragedies of rape, which are inexcusable and indefensible, life has come and sometimes, you know, those people are able to do extraordinary things.”

:)

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Jesus will protect me against rapists! :)

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Naturally! "God never gives you more than you can bear." :thumbsup:

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

I have JESUS on my underwear for protection. The reason is twofold.

1. JESUS will protect me from rape.

2. If 1 fails, hopefully the rapist will see JESUS' face and stop and repent.

http://www.burpstobottoms.com/cart/h...ges/jesus3.jpg

Helpful,

Sister Thumper

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Does this mean that if you're already pregnant you can't get raped?

I hope so, because that would mean I can't get raped for at least six months I think. Aaron thinks the Mexicans that mow our lawn want to rape me and throw me down the old well behind the hog pen. That's why he locks me in the root cellar on Tuesdays.



YIC


Mrs. Aaron Portway

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

You are a very lucky young lady having a husband that cares so much about your welfare.
I hope you are still ALWAYS receptive every time he wants to express his love physically.

Ephesians 5:2 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.


YIC

Jack

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

No white man would ever rape me, even if I axed him to.

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

I hope she knows how lucky she is! I know
I always am receptive every time my husband needs to express his love to me physically. I do not get locked away in the cellar or one of the dog cages when the workers are out on my husband's farm, is he trying to tell me something that I need to do a better job to be worth protecting? He does put me in the dog kennel with my Bible if he's going to be away from the house for too long so I don't get into any trouble being such a stupid girl.

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Thank you for introducing me to a genuinely new concept!

This is the first time I've actually cared what you have to say!

Glory!

The obvious point here is that now we know that if you were indeed to turn up sexually assaulted and dead down that well we would know who to blame!

No need to worry the Police: just a good old fashioned spic whooping!

YIC

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Aaron wanted me to ask you what the heck you're talking about and to tell you to mind your own damn business. He said he knows what's best for me and that I don't need to listen to some stupid slut with a ball in her mouth.

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Amen, Sister

If only more selfish stumpets, slags and whores would follow your carefully thought out wisdom they save literally hundreds of tax payers dollars every year that goes on federal rape crisis services.

Not to mention when the real victim of consensual rape goes to jail and looses his job and ability to reach for the American Dream©.

It seems to me stumpets who have not followed your advice hate America, Capitalism and God.

YIC

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Ah, so that explains why you're never to be found when it's Aaron's turn to host the Men's Tuesday Night Prayer Circle!

I admit to having had some disturbing thoughts in wondering about your absence. "Perhaps," I said to myself, "the dear child fell down the stairs in the night, on her way to get a drink of water. Aaron, being a quiet and shy fellow, might have refrained from calling the coroner. Instead, it could be he carried her to the back yard tenderly, digging out a new garden bed as she lay beside him, bathed in the gentle moonlight, atop the steaming compost heap, surrounded by a softly shifting, shimmering cloud of flies buzzing a paean to her all-too-frail beauty. With each swing of his pickaxe, Aaron would curse himself for waiting three days to clean her off the stairs; he just had to be sure she was really dead!

"In this luxurious, rich garden bed his little Naomi would rest, eternally at peace, her shallow grave planted over with those two strange rows of tomatoes, swollen abnormally large and red, the only marker a wooden Popsicle stick cross upon which he'd carefully misspelled, "Beefstake". He'd have to disguise her absence through a clever ruse."

See, that's where I stopped. We all know Aaron isn't much good at clever ruses. :thumbsup: So now we know you are alive and well!

This would make a great story for the Pediabear Mystery Series, don't you think?

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Sometimes you frighten me Reverend.

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

I hope you will be reminded of just how fragile life is; God could snatch it away from you at any moment, leaving you buried in a vegetable garden!

Oh, please thank Aaron for the three jars of spaghetti sauce. He said you made it yourself with homegrown tomatoes, and that you really put a lot of yourself into it.

How did you know I love meat sauce best of all? :licklips: Widow Helen and I had some of it over tortellini earlier tonight.

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Legitimate rape .... Oxymormon.

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Actually, it's not. Sex is a choice. Women make this choice and later regret it (personally, I think it's because their soul is in pain for having defied the woman's natural instinct to wait until marriage to give her virginity to her husband as his rightful gift). When they regret it enough, they cry "rape" so as to deflect the blame from them and onto the men. It's the kind of thing feminizies like Gloria Steinem and Helen Gurley Brown have promoted for years. It just so happens that we've become so used to these cries of wolf that we assume they are legitimate. Only when rape is actually forced upon a woman (not because she's alluring the man or men, which is by far the most common situation), is it actually legitimate, thus the specification, "legitimate rape."

I hope that helps.

:)

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

I am sure that there may be some cases of alleged rape that were actually consensual sex, to begin with. However, I have a problem with this claim of yours :

"IF you happen to be legitimately raped, that is, forced against your will, then you need not worry about getting pregnant. You see, our bodies were fearfully and wonderfully made! (Psalm 139:14) The LORD has provided within our bodies, the miraculous mechanics of thwarting unwanted seed!"

You seem to think that the biggest issue of rape is conception of the rapist's child and urge women not to "worry about it". Why do you neglect the fact that by being raped, a woman has been violated, regardless of whether she gets pregnant or not as a result of that violation ? And you further add insult to injury by blaming the victim - or rather, her style of dressing - for the attack.

Doesn't the Bible teach one of the concept of PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY ? If a man feels the need to attack a woman simply because he does not like the way that she is dressed, then he should not live in civilized society. AND, he not have a problem with being castrated by any woman that he attacks just because he does not like the way that she is clothed.

What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, too. It is HIS fault that he got castrated for touching a woman against her will just like it is supposedly HER fault that she got raped for dressing immodestly.

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Friend, if I eat a half gallon of rocky road ice cream, have I been "violated" because my skirts are a little too snug?

:)

You seem to forget that to live in a civilized society, we must expect everyone to do their part. Women must not dangle the otherwise "forbidden fruit" of her most prized possession in front of those who fight the battle of lust, which is a part of a man's nature. It's like saying the lion should be punished for biting the hand of the zoo-keeper for holding a steak in reach. The lion can't help but attack meat. It is his nature to do such a thing.

That's a naive way to look at it. In reality, the man is created to be visually stimulated. The man has no choice. The woman has the choice to either draw attention to herself or not. In nearly every case, with the possible exception of a homeless, negro, crack-addict, the woman could have prevented the sexual act. Because of that very fact, it cannot be considered rape even if she feels it was. Emotions can be misleading you know. That's why True Christians™ walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7).

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

This is the most PROFOUND piece of nonsense that I've read on this site.


So, men are a barbarous lot with no more self control or sense of personal accountability than a wild animal ? Very good, Mary. This is a start.

If so, then the man should ignore what he sees and operate solely from faith. That means that he only has sex with his own wife (with her consent, of course), and not with every female primate that he spots who is dressed "inappropriately". Good Christian men do not walk purely by sight, after all !

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
Matthew 7:16

Which is why you will never see a True Christian™ man rape a woman, or a True Christian™ woman cry "rape."

I think you're starting to catch on!

Oh I have such high hopes for you!

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

REALLY ??? In light of all of these postings, that's quite a revelation, my dear.

Oh, well, guess it feels good to be an ostrich every now and then ...whatever floats the boat in your la-la land, sweetie.

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Why do you want to be an ostrich?
Those stupid birds can't even fly.

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

...Says the dotheaded demon worshiper...:glare:

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Nice video...lots of lovely images of Kali ..my personal favorite of all the 30 million Gods and Goddesses.

BTW, are you a closet Dharmavadin, Ezekiel ? You seem to spend an AWFUL lot of time looking for and posting videos on Sanatana Dharma and India... :)

'Fess up and we'll see what we can do for you, kid. Our samajas welcome any convert with open arms ... And the process is fairly simple and straight forward, too. All you need to do is to shave your head save for a tuft of hair at the back, put on a dhoti, slam on Krishna's sandalwood paste on your forehead and you are good to go... ! :D

Oh, and we'll rename you Eshwar.... Ezekiel aient no Dharmavadin name.

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

There are but one God, silly!
And His son Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
But They are one.

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Have you ever considered that rape "victims" wouldn't be so traumatized by the experience if you people weren't so melodramatic about it?

Instead of, "a woman has been violated", why not say the truth, "a woman has been subjected to some minor bruising and abrasions which typically heal within a few days"?

I've been in schoolyard brawls that resulted in more significant injuries than the typical "legitimate rape"; you don't see me going to a support group for it, do you?

Yes. Why do you deny it?

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

I almost thought you were serious until I saw the "medical" pictures. Those are funny.

*** deleted unnecessary block quote***

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Please introduce yourself properly in the Introduction Forum.

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

The worst thing that could ever happen to a woman is rape.
Its unjustifiable for any reason and is utterly wicked.
A woman cannot ask to be raped, this is a contradiction in terms. Thus no woman can ever be accused of bringing rape upon them selves.
Any man with the appropriate equipment can commit rape, it does not matter about Race, Religion or personal background.
The best advice anyone could give to any woman who is genuinely scared about the possibility of this happened would be this:
Never go out alone in any area where there could be a threat.
If going out at night, stay in a group; the larger the better.
Never become so inebriated that you are out of control of your situation.
If you live in a dangerous area, get a Phone with your local number for Emergency services on a quickdial function, and consider carrying a weapon for self defense or taking up self defense classes.
ALWAYS TELL PEOPLE WHERE YOU ARE GOING AND WITH WHOM! Tell them when you are leaving, and when you will return, and tell them to phone the police if you are late.


Stay safe ladies!

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

WRONG: The worst thing that could happen to a woman being Justly Condemned to Hell for All Eternity, and finding out too late that belief in Christ could have saved her.

He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already,
because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.
John 3:18

WRONG: Only legitimate rape is unjustifiable. That's why it's called "rape," but people take the word and change it to suit their sinful desire.

For there is not a just man upon earth,
that doeth good, and sinneth not.
Ecclesiastes 7:20

WRONG: Only sluts get raped. Dressing like a slut is like playing a game of Chicken against the LORD, and being stupid enough to think you can win.

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety;
not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array
1st Timothy 2:9

WRONG. A True Christian™ cannot sin.

We know that whosoever is born of God sinneth not;
but he that is begotten of God keepeth himself, and that wicked one toucheth him not.
1st John 5:18

WRONG: The best advice anyone could give to any woman is to accept Christ Jesus as her LORD and Savior, and she shall be Blessed and cared for!

The LORD shall command the blessing upon thee in thy storehouses, and in all that thou settest thine hand unto;
and he shall bless thee in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
Deuteronomy 28:8

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

I noticed you omitted the two most important things: Always carry your Bible and your Glock. Shout Glory! :thumbsup:

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Friends, Blessed is the man who is persecuted for the LORD's sake!

Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.
Matthew 5:10-12

Our dear True Christian™ representative Todd Akin is being vindicated by Congress, finally. Representative Phil Gingrey (R-Ga.) came forward to praise the courage of Former Senate candidates Todd Akin (R-Mo.) and Richard Mourdock (R-Ind.) for standing up for the Truth.

Gingrey, a former OBGYN and co-chair of the House GOP Doctors Caucus, defended the two men at a Chamber of Commerce breakfast in Georgia on Thursday morning. He said he believes that they are at least "partly right" in what they said about pregnancy and rape, the Marietta Daily Journal reported:

In Missouri, Todd Akin ... was asked by a local news source about rape and he said, "Look, in a legitimate rape situation" -- what he meant by legitimate rape was just look, someone can say I was raped: a scared-to-death 15-year-old that becomes impregnated by her boyfriend and then has to tell her parents, that's pretty tough and might on some occasion say, "Hey, I was raped." That's what he meant when he said legitimate rape versus non-legitimate rape. I don’t find anything so horrible about that. But then he went on and said that in a situation of rape, of a legitimate rape, a woman’s body has a way of shutting down so the pregnancy would not occur. He’s partly right on that. ...

And I've delivered lots of babies, and I know about these things. It is true. We tell infertile couples all the time that are having trouble conceiving because of the woman not ovulating, "Just relax. Drink a glass of wine. And don't be so tense and uptight because all that adrenaline can cause you not to ovulate." So he was partially right wasn’t he?

I'm glad some people in Congress can still tell the difference between reality and fantasy!

:thumbsup:





http://s3.amazonaws.com/dk-productio...gif?1351126298

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Uhh... inappropriate for people that doesn't understand medical terminology?

So sorry, but these pictures are hilariously inaccurate. :D

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

If I am completely cover from head to toe and a man assaults me, is that still my fault? Or if I rape a man, is that his fault?

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

It depends. If you are in a city and you do not cry out loud enough for some to hear you then you need to really take responsibility like an adult.

YIC

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Yes, it's your fault. Women are responsible for bringing sin in to this world in the first place. Only sinners get raped anyway, so it's not that big deal. Another things is that you can't rape a man. At least it sounds like that you are member of weaker sex.

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

I just had a scary thought. We all know lesbeans help limp wristed queers hold down innocent young youths to be raped (anal) by predatory homers because they are built like barns.

I would not put it past a bull dyke to force rape a man out of spite.

As the old saying goes "the gays hate Jesus because they cannot breed".

This is why more people need to read the Bible(KJV1611).

YIC

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

What if I scream to the top of my lungs and no one helps me?

if your hypothetically sinless 9 year old daughter were raped, you would blame her?

he doesnt want to have sex, but his body betrays him by becoming aroused and a woman takes advantage of that, I do believe that would be considered rape.

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Friend, Christianity is not about blame like atheism is. It is about doing what God wants, and God doesn't want you to go and get yourself raped, unless it is by your husband or a victorious army.

God gives clear instructions to women on how to serve Him. If you do not obey God, then He has no obligation to protect you from unsanctioned rapes.

Christ teaches us in His word that faith the size of a mustard seed is sufficient to move mountains. If you are raped in an unChristian way, then obviously it is because you have rejected the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Re: True Christian Guide to Avoiding Legitimate Rape
 

Yes, you might have something there. I mean, you can be guilty of murder, even if you don't pull the trigger yourself. In that case this lesbian could be guilty of rape as an accomplice to the actual rape. Hmm, I wonder if there are any cases of this in the actual law, the law of God.