The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

The Holy Bible is the complete manual of life, which includes instructions for everything any Christian would need in life. That, of course, includes some really tasty foods and recipes!

Here are some of my absolute favorites (and please feel free to add more):

1. Gold powder beverage.

Exodus 32:19-20
19 And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing: and Moses' anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount.
20 And he took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strawed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it.

While finding the golden calf might be a problem, any 22 karat (or higher) gold jewelry should do for this purpose. May I say, though, that this delicacy is not for tin tithers, if you know what I mean! :giggle:

2. Human dung-baked bread.

Ezekiel 4:9-12
9 Take thou also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentiles, and millet, and fitches, and put them in one vessel, and make thee bread thereof, according to the number of the days that thou shalt lie upon thy side, three hundred and ninety days shalt thou eat thereof.
10 And thy meat which thou shalt eat shall be by weight, twenty shekels a day: from time to time shalt thou eat it.
11 Thou shalt drink also water by measure, the sixth part of an hin: from time to time shalt thou drink.
12 And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.

:drool:

Now, that's Biblical dining at its finest! :thumbsup:

3. Books.

Ezekiel 2:8-10
8 But thou, son of man, hear what I say unto thee; Be not thou rebellious like that rebellious house: open thy mouth, and eat that I give thee.
9 And when I looked, behold, an hand was sent unto me; and, lo, a roll of a book was therein;
10 And he spread it before me; and it was written within and without: and there was written therein lamentations, and mourning, and woe.
Ezekiel 3:1-3
1 Moreover he said unto me, Son of man, eat that thou findest; eat this roll, and go speak unto the house of Israel.
2 So I opened my mouth, and he caused me to eat that roll.
3 And he said unto me, Son of man, cause thy belly to eat, and fill thy bowels with this roll that I give thee. Then did I eat it; and it was in my mouth as honey for sweetness.

While an ancient scroll of the Book of Lamentations would certainly have the sweetest honey-like taste, I think any old book would be very tasty as well! :thumbsup: Nonetheless, we probably should avoid eating books which appear a bit moldy.

4. Own children.

When cannibalism is described (and always in such delicious detail) in the Bible, it is usually the parents who eat their own children. Pastor Ezekiel Bathfire has covered that tasty aspect of True Christian™ life quite excellently.

5. Insects.

Who wouldn't like the crunch of an exoskeleton in their mouth? Well, enjoy all you want, because God clearly wants us to eat locusts, grasshoppers, and beetles:

Leviticus 11:22 Even these of them ye may eat; the locust after his kind, and the bald locust after his kind, and the beetle after his kind, and the grasshopper after his kind.

After all, any food that was good enough for John the Baptist should be good enough for a True Christian™:

Matthew 3:4 And the same John had his raiment of camel's hair, and a leathern girdle about his loins; and his meat was locusts and wild honey.

6. Grass.

Several verses show that despite our meager denture and single stomachs, people are, in fact, capable of chewing and digesting grass:

Daniel 4:25 That they shall drive thee from men, and thy dwelling shall be with the beasts of the field, and they shall make thee to eat grass as oxen, and they shall wet thee with the dew of heaven, and seven times shall pass over thee, till thou know that the most High ruleth in the kingdom of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will.

Daniel 4:32-33
32 And they shall drive thee from men, and thy dwelling shall be with the beasts of the field: they shall make thee to eat grass as oxen, and seven times shall pass over thee, until thou know that the most High ruleth in the kingdom of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will.
33 The same hour was the thing fulfilled upon Nebuchadnezzar: and he was driven from men, and did eat grass as oxen, and his body was wet with the dew of heaven, till his hairs were grown like eagles' feathers, and his nails like birds' claws.

What have I missed, Brothers and Sisters? Please help me in compiling a comprehensive list of the most delicious foods of the Holy Bible! :)

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

Sis, it is a delicacy. My houseboys always keep a good stock of different types of edible gold.
http://topaztopaz.com/5845-large_def...o-librillo.jpg
This one sells in 1000-leaf packages, but you can also order it in larger quantities (as we do) and it makes even the most mundane everyday luxorious baking goods a feast fit for Heaven! I follow God's rules and love my meats (Genesis 9:3 and for the sakes of me, Jesus and Donnie, read it sinners!), but with a nice gold leaf covering even the most basic carrot cake becomes something that I can share with Donnie every time he visits the Flint mansion. Covfefe if you know what I mean.

http://www.manetti.com/en/wp-content...UM-500x416.jpg

But what I especially like is some Dom Pérignon with gold flakes. Don't buy the ready-to-drink mixtures with gold: you want to sprinkle it yourself to taste.

http://www.manetti.com/en/wp-content...T--300x300.jpg

I recommend this product: it is reasonably priced and will last for up to a week if you spend some time away from home and don't use it daily.

https://4.imimg.com/data4/NU/HY/MY-1...es-250x250.jpg

I tend to say jokingly that gold by itself is useless, but to really praise Jesus for this sparkling gift, I must consume it just as Jesus entered me as a wee boy. I am becoming God's Temple, you might say! :gleam:

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

Of course, Pastor! :wub: Please let me know if you ever want some of the gold leaf-covered doughnuts:


And I do agree that even a little gold sprinkle on dessert goes a long way:


The tin tithers can munch on books, crickets, and grasses, but gold is the food for the truly elect, as per Proverbs 10:22 The blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it. :innocent:

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

:drool:

This is appropriate and I'm gonna update your tithing schedule. Of course, the Flint Mansion's cutlery is one of the few items that can be used to eat such Christian foods with decency. Even the Donald is constantly amazed by the shining state of the knobs of my cutlery that my houseboys polish tirelessly. :innocent:

http://images.neimanmarcus.com/ca/5/...NMH7U62_mu.jpg

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

Hey guys! Covfefe! I need some extra tithes asap! I have fears that some of the gold that I consume won't survive the powerful digestive juices of my stomach. Recently, Donald alerted me to this calamity (he only takes McDonald's stuff because of this) and now I've found a solution. Gold Pills in capsule form. I've started taking these 3 capsules 4 times a day to "turn my innermost parts into chambers of wealth".

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/00...g?v=1225827853

FYI, this is something that Jesus would have loved!I am the Temple!My Temple needs to be sanctified and I demand your help brethren! You wish to service me one day in Heaven also, don't you!? Just get this done. Now. It also makes the wiping duties of my houseboys much more agreeable to them (I do care). :gleam:

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

I shared this thread with my pastor here in godless NYC and he said it is "obscene" to waste precious tithes on nonsense like gold leaf food and airplanes. He told me God would prefer that I tithe locally and support ministries that are Bible based and Christ centered, not material based and egocentric.


I am, therefore, starting to tithe during Sunday services here instead of mailing a money order to Freehold every week. This will also help me financially since the 40 cents I pay for money orders can be saved for missions to the gay community. Praise God!


Cancel my application for residency in Freehold, please. I will also be withdrawing from the doctorate program since all I've done is pay tuition and dissertation review fees with no results. I have notified Enobarbus that I can no longer pay Dr. White's salary effective immediately.

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

This is terrible news, Brother. :fear2: I guess you are also canceling your reservation of Prime Seat in Heaven (resting on Jesus' bosom)? Well, if you want to risk the future of your immortal soul by trusting some shady "pastor" who has not read Haggai 2:8, that is your choice to make, but I would be worried if I were you.

I will pray that you come to your senses, my beloved Brother. :pray:

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

My Dear Brother Larry,


What has happened to disillusion you so? Who has cast a pall over your eyes and blinded you to The Truth that is Landover?


I sense the hand of a certain joo that was rumored to be missing, presumed consumed, in New Guinea. Having spent over a year searching for his remains I have come up with a blank during my coast to coast search of that sh*thole country. No. Not even a finger bone could I find.


Tell me what is this so called "pastor" of your's name?


I hope this message finds you well and still in control of your mental faculties.


Your friend,
Thomas

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

Well, first of all "friend," (the one who has abandoned me for so long), this has nothing to do with Landover. I am not now or ever (May God be so gracious) abandoning Landover.


The wise brothers and frail sisters of this church mean the world to me. However:


I am being given the chance to be a youth pastor. I am offered nothing in Freehold - no residency, no pastorshiphood, I am paying thousands of dollars for someone to read my dissertation (and also paying his salary) that only results in "you left out a comma," or, "you didn't quote my book properly," etc. No PhD.


I am a certified equine gnathologist, man! Do you realize how my fellow certified equine gnathologist friends look at me when I tell them I still don't have a PhD? Well, it's kind of like when your best friend tells you he has a Ferrari and he picks you up in a Ford Fiesta. You look at him, like, WTF? But he has no explanation. You assume the Ferrari is in the shop or getting washed and you let it go.


I can no longer let it go. So, I simply withdrew from my studies and will be transferring my credits to a different doctorate - one in divinity. I will be giving my tithes to my local godless NYC place of worship - a beacon of light and truth in an otherwise decrepit and sinful metropolis. I will donate no more to a ridiculous airplane when there are starving children in Des Moines. I won't support food with gold decorations when fried bologna would do wonders for someone in the poorest parts of the world.


Landover will always have my love, my devotion, and my respect. I will, as I always have, continue to contribute my deep theological and spiritual content here. Nothing has changed, in the scheme of things.


Now I will get out of the women's area (as should you). Have you heard from your daughter - you know - the one that was your son?


Nostalgically,
BrotherLarry


PS: You left something in my car.

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

Larry,
How can you say I abandoned you? All those letters I sent you that you never answered. At times it was only the thought of you and I ministering to the poor on a Saturday night that kept me going.


Anyway, whilst on my journeys through the darkest parts of New Guinea, I came across evidence that the Joo Lawyer, you know the one I am talking about, may well be alive and kicking (this is something that still needs to be kept low key as I am still gathering evidence).


My son, who is now my daughter, sends it's regards to you and said to tell you that it really appreciated all the one on one positive re-enforcement therapy.


On another note I may have found a university for you. It is in a different country but looks rather good. It is called Taylor's University. have a look for yourself.


Your matey,
Thomas

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

Oh, Sister Basilissa: What a wonderful idea, to research the Bible for foods that are both delicious and pleasing to our Lord. A very simple and always-available food is the apple. Now, I know that this can cause some regret because of Eve's rebellion and sinful nature, as we are reminded of our own sinful natures, but apples do have many benefits. Song of Solomon 2:5 "Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love." Although, I can't speak much from personal experience there, Dear, as my Wilbur (he passed on to meet his Saviour a few years ago) was not the most affectionate lover in the world, sad to say. Following the years of being in the army overseas during WW II, he developed a bit of depression. However, I'm happy that he often found relief from his burdensome loads by visiting his private health spa, with many of his menfolk friends. As for me, I was never without my apples. Thank you again, Sister Basilissa, for bring up such an enriching topic, and may you have a blessed afternoon. Sincerely, Isabella W.

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

And Jacob sod pottage: and Esau came from the field, and he was faint. And Esau said to Jacob, Feed me, I pray thee, with that same red pottage; for I am faint: therefore was his name called Edom. And Jacob said, Sell me this day thy birthright. And Esau said, Behold, I am at the point to die: and what profit shall this birthright do to me? And Jacob said, Swear to me this day; and he sware unto him: and he sold his birthright unto Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and pottage of lentiles.

This must be pretty good stuff. The birthright in question comprised land given by God, as promised by way of a covenant sealed by the smoking furnace and burning lamp passing at night through the dismembered ram, dismembered heifer, dismembered lady goat and the dove & pigeon (complete) arranged by Abram for the purpose:

Genesis 15:18-21 (the land)
Genesis 15:8-10, 17-18 (the covenant)

We're looking at around 250 million acres, allowing for a rough oblong parcel from the Nile to the Euphrates. I'm assuming red lentils, illustrated, for the pottage and the redness of Esau's hair. It was served with bread and I know what you're thinking: "Is that stuff presented on a bed of tripe?"

Well, no. It isn't. There weren't too many grains available in that area mainly because they'd be highly seasonal. Remember that it was a novelty for Pharaoh to store food in a silo and that was some time later. The bread I've suggested is made with hot water and is slightly rubbery, similar to a crumpet, and would have been easy for Jacob to make from a variety of grains such as buckwheat or spelt or even grass seeds if that's all there was.

In any event Jacob sod pottage, bread or no (but there was bread) and even though they were probably both hungry there was a choice. Sod pottage or 250 million acres? Hmmmmmm, dunno, I am rather peckish but against that (and I can always just walk home even if I go without for another 24 hours it's not going to kill me) how much venison, beef, mutton, poultry, cereals, building materials, vineyards, orchards, mining opportunities for gemstones, precious metals, truffles.. for the rest of my life.. difficult choice.. "It is red. pottage?"

And sure enough, Esau chose the pottage.

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

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Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

Please provide the chapter and verse in which God says it's okay to smoke dope.

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

You forgot one food in particular:


(Matthew 26)
26 And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed it, and brake it, and gave it to the disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body.
27 And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, Drink ye all of it;
28 For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins.


https://aleteiaen.files.wordpress.co...0&h=310&crop=1

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

Oh dear, bread is great, I love bread, but I'm 100% sure that the bread Jesus ate did not look like that thing you posted. :bad:

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

What on earth is that thing in the background? Some sort of idol?

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

it's a cross.

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

Do you know what a cross looks like? Here are some diagrams. Two of them are crosses (although one of them is, strictly speaking, a saltire) and one is not.


1. Attachment 28023
2. Attachment 28024
3. Attachment 28025

TICK BOX
. .http://www.landoverbaptist.net/attac...1&d=1489018685. .1 is not a cross (or saltire)
. .http://www.landoverbaptist.net/attac...1&d=1489018685. .2 is not a cross (or saltire)
. .http://www.landoverbaptist.net/attac...1&d=1489018685. .3 is not a cross (or saltire)




Ask your child to point out which of the following shapes can be seen in the picture.

Attachment 28023. . .. . .Attachment 28024. . .. . .Attachment 28025
https://aleteiaen.files.wordpress.co...0&h=310&crop=1

Re: The most delicious foods of the Bible
 

The skanky old Papist nun that baked that cracker sure doesn't. That's not a Christian cross, it's an older pagan symbol. It is said to represent the four seasons, the four elements, or some other hippie nonsense. It does NOT represent Christ or His temporary death for our sins! This is further proof of the heathen Catholic Church's connection to Satan and the occult.