Came here to apologize.
 

I came here to apologize.
Many of you will not remember me or my acts on this Godly forum some years ago.
I did deeds so unspeakable, so humiliating and inhumane that even to present day I do not believe God can forgive me.
God is by all means absolute and all present, but even for Him I have hard time to imagine forgiving burning the bible.
I was brainwashed, beaten false religion in my head.
Now I just came here to apologize and hoping that at least you can forgive blind camel banging idiot from past times.

Best regards,
Jack
(I have naturally changed my name from Omar)

Re: Came here to apologize.
 

There is no record of you making a Love Offering© in the financial records of LBC. Are you positive you made proper amends, can you locate your receipt? Perhaps your joo :joo: accountant has it.
Now, get back in Church. It is Gods Special Day™.

Re: Came here to apologize.
 

The question is, have you apologized to, and begged forgiveness from Jesus Christ?

Have you accepted your guilt? Do you feel sufficiently horrified for the person you are outside of Christ? Have you given yourself to Him for all eternity? Have you prayed for Salvation©?

If not, you can do so right now if you'd like! You can say any words that come to your heart, or you can join me now. I'd be honored to pray with a sincerely repentant sinner.

Dear LORD,

I acknowledge that you, Jesus, are the Son of God. I believe that you were born of the Virgin Mary in a miraculous way (impregnating her with the Holy Spirit, which is You, without her knowledge or consent, or even the benefit of physical sperm, but by the very will of God, who is, amazingly, also You). I believe you died on the cross for my sins. I believe you were resurrected, floated up into the air, through the atmosphere, and straight to Heaven. I know that your divine nature means you were impervious to the physical effects of the lack of oxygen in space, that your divine body saved you from any danger of your blood boiling, your eyeballs exploding, or your lungs turning into red slush.

I admit that I was born a sinner by your design, and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. I know I have led a life of sinning by not obeying your every command. It tears me up inside. My guilt is overwhelming.

Please forgive me.

Please change my heart so I can be a willing slave and do whatever you want me to do.

Please change my heart to want to read the Holy Bible and agree with all of it.

Be my Savior.

By my LORD and Master.

I beg you, save me from the very Hell you created for me in the beginning of time in case I didn't fear and obey you.

In Jesus' Name I pray.

Re: Came here to apologize.
 

Omar/Jack, I would love to believe you, but how do we know you're not a terrorist trying to gain our trust and infiltrate our church?

We may need to devise some sort of test.

Hmmm, let me think on this...

Re: Came here to apologize.
 

Here's twelve that Omar can start with:

1. Did you read The Introduction Forum rules? Y_ N_

2. Did you provide the proper introduction according to those rules? Y_N_

3. Do you own more camels than wives? Y_ N_

4. Do you love your camels more than your wives? Y_ N_

5. If you chose Y on the last question, how many times a day? __

6. Do you typically leave your tent with dynamite strapped to your waist? Y_ N_

7. If you chose Y on the last question, how many sticks do you typically carry? __

8. Have you stoned one or more of your daughters/wives to death in the last year? Y_ N_

9. If you chose Y on the last question, how many of each? D__ W__

10. What do you call a muslim who owns a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual
B. None of the above

11. What do you call a muslim who owns 6 goats.
A: A pimp
B: None of the above

12. When is the only time you should wink at a muslim?
A: When aiming
B: None of the above

Re: Came here to apologize.
 

It has been more than a decade, and I am beating myself everyday over how I behaved here.

Sometimes I wake up at night sweating and gasping for air.


What do you think is need for the Lord to forgive me for my sins committed here in 2010?:lex_12:

Re: Came here to apologize.
 

Dear Miss Gibberish: Your bouts of night sweats and the feeling of suffocation are due to the Spirit of Almighty :god-fancy:, reminding you that there is a very high price to be paid for your terrible sins.

Matthew 10:28 "And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear :him-fancy: which is able to destroy both soul and body in :hell-2:."

You see, Dear, you cannot hide your filthy sins from the :lord-fancy: :jesus-fancy: :christ-fancy:. He, and :his: Father, know all. There is nowhere you can run to, to hide from Them.

Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"

The only way to escape the wrath of :god-fancy: is to accept :jesus-fancy: as your :savior-fancy:, repent from your sins, and open the :kjv1611: and study along with the :true-fancy: servants of the :lord-fancy: :jesus-fancy:, here at :landover-fancy:.

Failure to do so will land you in :hell-2: -- for all of eternity -- which you deserve, so very surely, for being such a wretched sinner.

I do hope that you will show a willingness to learn about the Will of :god-fancy: for your life, Dear -- here, at :forum-fancy:.

Re: Came here to apologize.
 

Is this your third intro now? One point worth considering is that posters here can generally write and don't need speech-to-text software. Hence there is no speaking involved.

Concerning your other point, have you considered God's standard? Heretics never vary mildly from The Truth, they are always diametrically opposed. Very easy to identify, in that case.

Genesis 38:14-16 She put her widow's garments off from her, and covered her with a vail, and wrapped herself, and sat in an open place ... When Judah saw her, he thought her to be an harlot because she had covered her face. And he turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee ... And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me?

She was complying with God's requirements (which do not involve anyone wearing bags over their heads) but Judah was edging out of a deal sideways or at least trying to. Although there is no divine command for the correct way to be a prostitute, there were conventions and Judah had fallen prey to the camel's nose. I hope that your Bible study is going well. Here's a good place to start:

Genesis 1:1

Re: Came here to apologize.
 

Sincere apologies are appear in the tithe. We have yet to see yours.

Re: Came here to apologize.
 

I spoke to Miss Cookie and she supplied me with any and all records of what gifts you gave to Jesus and LBC. Nada. Zilch, Zippo
I was rolling on the floor when Miss Cookie said 'Who is this clown that thinks he can joo :joo: Jesus?" I told her you were a bomb vest wearing :lex_12: towel head. Then we went to lunch.

Re: Came here to apologize.
 

Omar, would it be too much to ask you to complete the questionnaire posted by our friend Sammy just a few posts above. That would help us determine your mental state. To save your finger the effort of scrolling, I'll re-post it here for you.

Re: Came here to apologize.
 

Oh, Dear. One wonders if Miss Gibberish has left the building, dear Brother Dr. Toole. It appears that she comes around only every ten years or so, and then she disappears -- into the wild, blue yonder, wherever her foolish heart takes her. However, she can take heart in knowing that the :true-fancy: servants of the :lord-fancy: :jesus-fancy: :christ-fancy:, here at :forum-fancy:, will be here, to assist her, when she returns in 2033.

And, as always, we will be ready to be of service to her, to explain how she must abandon her :hell-2:ish sins, and how the :savior-fancy: will save her for all of eternity in Heaven, if she accepts the gift of :his: blessed, shed :blood:.

Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of :god-fancy: is eternal life through :jesus-fancy: :christ-fancy: our :lord-fancy:."

Of course, everybody knows that if Miss Gibberish refuses this very generous offer of salvation, then eternal torment is her only option.

II Thessalonians 1:9 "Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the :lord-fancy:, and from the glory of :his: power;"

Revelation 14:11 "And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night, who worship the beast and his image, and whosoever receiveth the mark of his name."

http://image.blingee.com/images19/co...91_1631175.gif

Re: Came here to apologize.
 

I'll look out for that in 2032 or 3 ish

Re: Came here to apologize.
 

Did you blaspheme against the Holy Spirit? If so don't bother.

Re: Came here to apologize.
 

How about you try to post more often than once per seven years?


Otherwise -
Oh, I'm sure the Rapture will happen before this heathen comes back to write another enigmatic post! :giggle:

Re: Came here to apologize.
 

Yes. I'm looking forward to it.