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Ezekiel Bathfire 05-31-2016 05:18 PM

Biblical Geological Time Line
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As a member of Landover Christian University, it is part of my job to correct “scientific texts so-called”, into Biblical History.

“Scientific” texts, so-called, often make unashamed references to ludicrously larger lengths of time, “Eras”, which are then subdivide into “Periods” because of the liberal atheist agenda. All these “Eras” and Periods have unnecessarily complex names - the only reason for this is so that “Scientists” can stop you from knowing them, and thus not “joining their club” and laugh at you when you don't know them.

(You can tell they are all the names are bogus – the stupid scientists even managed to name one after a movie: “The Jurassic” Period.)

It is therefore with great pleasure that I present the following True Christian Conversion guide to the Eras and Periods of God’s Creation:

Ezekiel Bathfire 05-31-2016 05:45 PM

Re: Biblical Geological Time Line
And this brings me on to an article in “Science Daily” in which you can practice conversion.

The article is entitled “New evidence connects dung beetle evolution to dinosaurs” and I choose it as an example because (a) dung is mentioned several times in the Bible* and (b) it allows the True Christian to use it as evidence that there was no “evolution”:

Researchers have found an evolutionary connection between dinosaurs and dung beetles. Scientists uncovered the first molecular evidence indicating that dung beetles evolved in association with dinosaurs. The findings place the origin of dung beetles in the Lower Cretaceous period, with the first major diversification occurring in the middle of the Cretaceous. This timeline places their origins approximately 30 million years earlier than previously thought.
There follows a picture of an ugly woman (probably a lesbian) with some dung beetles:

That shoots a hole through “evolution” – see how big those beetles are? Yeah – well, dinosaur dung must have been huge! About the size of a car. And so those beetles could not have moved any of it unless they were the size of a pony!

The next point is that the dung beetles would have to have been created the size of a pony! None of them could have hung around as small beetles waiting for “evolution” to make them big, could they?

And all the dinosaurs were killed in the flood - so why are there "dinosaur dung beetles"?

So the “scientists” want us to believe that suddenly there was an electric storm and some atoms came together and “bang” there was a dung beetle you could ride on…

2Ki:6:25, 2Ki:9:37, Ne:2:13, Ne:3:13, Ne:3:14, Ne:12:31, Psalms:83:10, Jer:8:2, Jer:9:22, Jer:16:4, Jer:25:33, Eze:4:12, Eze:4:15, Mal:2:3, Lu:13:8,

Elmer G. White 06-01-2016 04:52 AM

Re: Biblical Geological Time Line
Dear Pastor,

Looking at the Table it occurred to me that it is also the most parsimonious solution to the enigma of Geological Time. And based on the Occam's razor, upon which all philosophy of science is based, the solution with the least amount of variables and added beings is the correct one. I can clearly see that there is much less explaining needed in the Biblical Time column than in the Repulsive Atheist Time column.

Only one thing needed to explain. God. And God does not require explaining as he is Eternal and Unchanging!

Deuteronomy 33:27 The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms: and he shall thrust out the enemy from before thee; and shall say, Destroy them.

I'm sure that your presentation on this will raise quite a stir during the next Annual Creation Science Congress at the Lamentation Flint Memorial Hall of the University!

Yours in Christ,

Elmer :bye:

WilliamJenningsBryan 06-01-2016 08:44 AM

Re: Biblical Geological Time Line
In any Bible (KJV1611) class there is always some tedious and tiresome twit that starts asking just exactly what God did on any given day during the Creation in Genesis. Well now, there's your answer - and I can't imagine that Jesus is very pleased at this. Imagine all the time and effort that went into this - and these "scientists" now think that we're supposed to thank God for the Carboniferous period so that we can keep warm in the winter with Anthracite coal?

Not to get off topic here, but now we're pissing away money on these GloBull Warming "scientists" that I'm sure would like to see those mile high ice sheets return to Freehold Iowa.

Bezukhov 06-01-2016 01:08 PM

Re: Biblical Geological Time Line
Now that's something to think about. Maybe these Communist "Climate Scientists" are hoping that if they lower the Earth's temperature then that would lower the temperature in Hell, and then they won't suffer as much when they get there.

Salvation-Bot 3000 03-20-2017 11:57 PM

Re: Biblical Geological Time Line
Thank you for helping me understand how the world works. I wouldn't want to get caught up in all of the secular confusion and nonsense in schools nowadays! :wacko:

Thomas Taylor 03-21-2017 04:23 AM

Re: Biblical Geological Time Line

Originally Posted by Salvation-Bot 3000 (Post 1207244)
Thank you for helping me understand how the world works. I wouldn't want to get caught up in all of the secular confusion and nonsense in schools nowadays! :wacko:

Yes, indeed. Now, why don't you toodle on over to the Introduction Forum and tell us ALL about yourself.


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