The Landover Baptist Church Forum

The Landover Baptist Church Forum (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumindex.php)
-   General Church Fellowship (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumdisplay.php?f=2)
-   -   An easy guide to bringing the light of God to SINNERS! (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=59020)

loveforchrist 02-03-2011 03:11 AM

An easy guide to bringing the light of God to SINNERS!
 
I have made it my duty as a Christian ever since I left home to tour this great country (and others) and convince people that the word of God is the only word there is. Having done this for quite a long time, I have developed a well rounded method of converting people. Wanna here it? Too bad, I'll post it anyway.

Step ONE: Establish TRUST
Although it is a well known fact that all sinners are vile disgusting human beings who should never be associated with under any Godly circumstances, there comes a time in the converting process when you must plug your nose, pray hard, and approach them with an out-stretched hand. Don't get me wrong, that hand should be just as ready to smack them down if they give you lip, but it should be outstretched none-the-less. When you are picking them off from the vile ground they are rolling around in, you will have their admiration. If you are crusading in other parts of the world, many of the people you encounter may have never seen a white man before. They will view you as perfect, and everything they aren't. This is understandable, for it is true. Once you have their attention and trust, move on to the next step...

Step TWO: Hit them where it HURTS
Mentally of course. Though, I would resort to physical violence if they piss you off. After all, if they piss YOU off, imagine how peeved GOD is! As SOON as you have their trust (make sure you don't bask in it, pride is against the Lord), tell them what PATHETIC HERETIC SCUM THEY ARE! Since they trust you, this will really hurt them in the SOUL. Tell them that they are going to Hell and explain the horrors of hell.

Step THREE: Open up a GAPING hole in their self-confidence
This one is similar to step two. Keep on insulting everything about them. Use the information you gained about them from them in step one to destroy them. Insult everything they love, and convince them that every single thing that means ANYTHING to them will send them to hell (probably true). Only when they are on their knees in tears may you move on to step four...

Step FOUR: Fill that hole with GOD
Once they are empty inside, show them the Bible. Tell them that if they love God and do what the Bible wants them to do, they can enjoy Heaven FOREVER. Since you have stripped everything else of value away from them, they will be forced to accept this as the truth.

Step FIVE: Show them the WAY
In this step, you must instruct your now ex-sinner that in order to truly ascend into heaven, they must recruit other sinners as well. Show them steps 1-4, and tell them to begin their journey. Imagine if everyone did this! The world would be filled with righteous people!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, as I crusade, I always come across a so called "christian" who only vaguely believes in the Bible, and ONLY GOES TO CHURCH ONCE A WEEK! Don't let these people fool you! They are just as bad if not WORSE than any atheist. Unfortunately, since they THINK that they are already saved, truly saving them requires WORK!

One of the biggest problems you have to work around is that these people seem to think that God loves them. You must make sure that they know THIS IS A LIE! You see, these people have been raised (probably by hippies) that the Bible is a peaceful book. Oh, they couldn't be more WRONG! Loving God means doing everything he says, especially the parts LIBERALS don't want you knowing. The following will be Bible verses to use when persuading these people to fear God

Commandments LIBERALS don't care about!

Leviticus 24:14-16 - Bring forth him that hath cursed without the camp; and let all that heard him lay their hands upon his head, and let all the congregation stone him. And thou shalt speak unto the children of Israel, saying, Whosoever curseth his God shall bear his sin. And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the Lord, shall be put to death. This couldn't be more obvious. If someone you know blasphemes God, get some friends and stone him to death. What's so hard to understand about that? The Bible commands it, so it shall be done.

Leviticus 20:9 - For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him. In other words, if your kid is disrespecting you, just kill him. It's not like you want that kind of son anyway, and God says it's okay, so you're in the clear :thumbsup:

Leviticus 21:17-18 - Speak unto Aaron, saying, Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations that hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God. For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous Easy translation: cripples and diseased sinners were not meant for the light of God, He cursed them for a reason.

Deuteronomy 13:6-10 - If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers; Namely, of the gods of the people which are round about you, nigh unto thee, or far off from thee, from the one end of the earth even unto the other end of the earth; Thou shalt not consent unto him, nor hearken unto him; neither shall thine eye pity him, neither shalt thou spare, neither shalt thou conceal him: But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die; because he hath sought to thrust thee away from the Lord thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage. If ANYONE, EVEN in YOUR family suggests worshipping other Gods, KILL THEM!

Deuteronomy 13:12-15 - If thou shalt hear say in one of thy cities, which the LORD thy God hath given thee to dwell there, saying, Certain men, the children of Belial, are gone out from among you, and have withdrawn the inhabitants of their city, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which ye have not known; Then shalt thou enquire, and make search, and ask diligently; and, behold, if it be truth, and the thing certain, that such abomination is wrought among you; Thou shalt surely smite the inhabitants of that city with the edge of the sword, destroying it utterly, and all that is therein, and the cattle thereof, with the edge of the sword. If this isn't reason for the war in Iraq, I don't know what is...

If they still believe God is merciful, have them read some of these...

Violent Bible verses

Psalms 137:9 - Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

Numbers 31:17 - Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.

2 Kings 2:23-24 - And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

Deuteronomy 22:28 - If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;

Deuteronomy 22:28-29 - If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.

Isaiah 13:16 - Their infants will be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses will be looted and their wives violated.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That's all for now folks! Use this advice wisely!

I only hope I converted a few sinners reading this!

And remember, follow God's advice or
http://www.sjgames.com/errata/burninhell/logo.jpg

loveforchrist 02-03-2011 03:55 AM

Re: An easy guide to bringing the light of God to SINNERS!
 
Oops! Left out my personal favorite :wub:

Exodus 32:27 - And he said unto them, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Put every man his SWORD by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and SLAY every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbor.


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:16 PM.

Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Landover Baptist Forums 1620, 2018 all rights reserved