The Landover Baptist Church Forum - Election Race OPENS Today

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Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

Quote:

From the Desk of
MISTRESS COOKIE
Chairlady of Freehold Elections

RE: New and Improved FREEHOLD GUIDELINES FOR MAYORAL ELECTIONS

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Hear Ye, Hear Ye.

Comes Now CHAIRLADY OF FREEHOLD ELECTIONS on this 1st Day of March in the Year 2010 of OUR LORD, to Proclaim to All and Sundry: The Town Council is Now Accepting Canditutorial Applications for ELECTION OF MAYOR.

As many know, there has been recent contention as to what electoral municipal guidelines have been in the past, as our late and beloved Mayor Mitch Mitchell, May God™ Rest His Soul, held office for so many years, and without opposition.

However, all available records of former Election Chairladies/Registrars Phyllis Collins and Rosemary Woods having been duly sworn and studied; the Town Library having been duly sworn and studied; and our Male Elders who recall previous elections having been duly sworn and studied; the election guidelines are now presented thus:

The City of Freehold will hold its General Municipal Election to elect one (1) Mayor who will serve a four (4) year term on Wednesday, March 17, 2010.

The polls will be open from 11 a.m. to 12 p.m. on said day.

Eligible voters may request vote-by-mail ballots. The deadline to register to vote for this election was Monday, March 18, 2009. You may not now register by completing a registration-by-mail form.

CANDIDACY REQUIREMENTS:

Candidates must be of at least twenty-one (21) years in age, American Citizens of three (3) generations, and residents of Freehold in good standing. Additionally, candidates require at least two (2) letters of moral recommendation from fellow Freehold residents in good standing, to be Publicly Noticed. All property owners that meet above criteria are eligible for candidacy. Renters in the Freehold area are eligible for candidacy should they have rented the same abode, or same unit at the same address, for a minimum of three (3) years. Candidates must be no shorter than six (6) feet in height (6'), and no taller than seven (7) feet in height (7').

The maimed, the cleft-palleted, the sterile, the acneed, the left-handed, the paralyzed/humpbacked via spinal injury, the pigeon-toed, the boxer, and the blind or eyeglass-wearer need not apply. (Leviticus:21, 18-20, For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded, Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken…)

All candidates must engage a duly authorized Freehold doctor for a physical exam, to confirm freedom from markings, tattoos, piercings, and cuttings. (Leviticus 19:28 Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh…nor print any marks upon you) Candidates must be free of all manner of STDs, including the homosexual-driven AID. (2 Chronicles 21:18 And after all this the LORD smote him in his bowels with an incurable disease.) Test will include a rectal exam to ensure virginity is still intact. (1 Kings 14:24 And there were also sodomites in the land: and they did according to all the abominations of the nations...)

Campaign Schedule as Follows:

Candidates' Statements of Purpose including priorities (100 word minimum) must be submitted in writing to the Freehold Truth and Light newspaper. Publication of such constitutes official entry in the race.

A debate including all viable and vetted candidates will be held on a Date To Be Announced. Attendance is mandatory for all candidates. Failure to appear will constitute forfeiture of candidacy.

Furthermore, be it understood that each candidate is to host a meet-and-greet BBQ within the Freehold vacinity and with no less than five (5) days’ public notice, so that Freehold Residents, City Officials and Contesting Physicians may examine and question candidates in person.

If you require additional information regarding Freehold’s upcoming General Municipal Election, please contact Mistress Cookie. May God™ be with you.

Please Note: The Chairlady of Freehold Elections serves at the pleasure of the Town Council, who may adapt these municipal codes at any time via majority vote. Watch this space for updates.

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

Thank you for posting these up Miss Cookie.

I was patiently waiting for these registration guidelines - while all other candidates were already all over each other :glare: - before I would announce my own candidacy.

I am however extremely saddened by two of the requirements that make it simply impossible for me - a long standing Pastor and Outreach Director, loved by every True Christion™ in Freehold - to enter the race.

And before you ask: no, the little problems I had with my stones have been completely solved now, thank you. :angry:

I have sent you a PM with my complaints, and I will consult with Pastor Zeke in a few hours via our Secured Video Conferencing system.

Signed,

Wide-Schwarzenegger-Open.
Pastor.

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

I for one will welcome you as a worthy opponent. I thought the native born requirement was not necessary. Since we are eventually forming a world government under Old Testament law, nationality should not be an issue.

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

It's amazing how many laws are broken by these "GUIDELINES". Your attempts to exclude me and several other candidates from these elections will completely fail though. Freehold is still in America, even though some people do not seem to realize that.

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

I hope Mr. King realizes that in Iowa, one cannot vote with a felony conviction, which most Negroes in Freehold have.

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

Once the candidate I plan to vote for wins it won't matter. Under Biblical Law the Nubians are only household or field servants.

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

I like the BBQ requirement! More proof that Freehold is the most True American part of the USA.

I also like the other guidelines, Ms. Cookie, well done!
This will prevent indecent people from annihilating the True Christian™ Culture of Freehold, which is the glorious result of 400 years of Biblical cultivation by True Christians™! Glory!:yahoo:

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

Quote:

Originally Posted by SayvedByTheLord (Post 481248)

Under Biblical Law the Nubians are only household or field servants.

A mayor does not have the authority to do that. Wake up to the reality of living in the free nation of America!

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

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Originally Posted by Alfred King (Post 481341)

Wake up to the reality of living in the free nation of America!

Feel "free" to leave our great nation at your earliest convenience please.

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alfred King (Post 481341)

A mayor does not have the authority to do that. Wake up to the reality of living in the free nation of America!

It hasn't been a problem for 400 years. Why should it be different when JJ Hold is mayor?:huh:

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

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Originally Posted by C. Reconstruction (Post 481235)

Thank you Mr. C.

I see other people are ignoring my points entirely. But, what if the guidelines stated you'd have to be an ordained Pastor to be admitted. :glare:

Oops!

Pastor Zeke isn't taking my calls at the moment - he must be rather busy - but I'm sure he'll do so any moment now. :unsure:

I admit I'm not an American citizen yet - it's just a matter of red tape though - and I know I'm currently not living in Freehold. But I am fighting in the TRENCHES to make this world a better Christian place.

I think that should count for something.

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alfred King (Post 481341)

A mayor does not have the authority to do that. Wake up to the reality of living in the free nation of America!

Once I am mayor my cabinet and I will immediately begin Gods work. Because He is with us in this post-millennial age mission there is nothing anyone can do about it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man (Post 481382)

Feel "free" to leave our great nation at your earliest convenience please.

It will do him no good, a God Centered Global Government is at hand.

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wide-Open (Post 481394)

I see other people are ignoring my points entirely. But, what if the guidelines stated you'd have to be an ordained Pastor to be admitted....Pastor Zeke isn't taking my calls at the moment - he must be rather busy - but I'm sure he'll do so any moment now...

As Chairlady, I feel it is best that I not engage in the race too closely, but I do want to point out how precious and beloved you are by every single member of the church.

There was talk of opening the race to those outside Freehold, as we received some high-powered calls from interested parties in Washington DC, but it was ultimately decided that allowing this would open the door for communists and our other enemies overseas to somehow "rig" the election, and get a toehold in Freehold.

It's nothing personal, Pastor. It's simply that the Mayor of Freehold, as far as anyone can recall, has always been a resident, as well.

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie (Post 481208)

All candidates must engage a duly authorized Freehold doctor for a physical exam, to confirm freedom from markings, tattoos, piercings, and cuttings. (Leviticus 19:28 Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh…nor print any marks upon you)

I'm fairly certain that Al King is now illegible to run, I've heard from various people that he has nipple piercings.

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Halleluyah Rob (Post 481500)

I've heard from various people that he has nipple piercings.

You have heard wrong. I have no piercings whatsoever.

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

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Originally Posted by Wide-Open (Post 481231)

Your application is under review, Pastor WO. Go ahead and post your platform.

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Originally Posted by Alfred King (Post 481524)

You have heard wrong. I have no piercings whatsoever.

That can't be true. I have it on excellent authority that all you bucks have holes in your nose.

http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n...ekiel/bone.jpg

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

Quote:

From the Desk of
MISTRESS COOKIE
Chairlady of Freehold Elections

RE: New and Improved FREEHOLD GUIDELINES FOR MAYORAL ELECTIONS

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Candidates:

My phone has been ringing off the hook and my email box is full with messages demanding that we close the registration of Mayoral Candidates as of NOW.

Please refer to the original guidelines, above. Since Candidates are allowed to announce Meet and Greet BBQs up until March 12th, I am afraid the field is open up to and including that date.

We cannot close the registration process at this time.

Thank you.
.

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alfred King (Post 481241)

Oh isn't that rich this coming from some one who will not answer simple questions! Al save us all some time and just start screaming racism now!:angry:

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

Quote:

Originally Posted by James Dewitt (Post 481637)

Oh isn't that rich this coming from some one who will not answer simple questions!

Why do you ignore the answers i have already given you? http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showp...04&postcount=4

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Al save us all some time and just start screaming racism now!

I won't waste my time on that...

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Originally Posted by James Dewitt (Post 481623)

like you asked him to get off his fat lazy niggra butt and pick cotton

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Originally Posted by James Dewitt (Post 481619)

Al ya tap dancing niggra

Re: Election Race OPENS Today - Registration Info HERE!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 481530)

Your application is under review, Pastor WO. Go ahead and post your platform.

Thank you Pastor! :thumbsup:

Platform. Ehm. :unsure: Right! I'm on the case! :o