Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

Friends, I've been having a bit of an awkward problem. As you all know, I've made a few mistakes with my life, but since I accepted Jesus, followed all of the commandments in the Bible and became a True Christian™, I assumed that none of my previous deathstyle choices would matter anymore. For the most part, this HAS been the case, but there's one problem that just hasn't taken care of itself yet.

My tokens of virginity haven't spontaneously regenerated yet! As I'm sure you all know, this may cause some problems for me on my wedding night.

"If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her, And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel's father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her; And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him; And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days. But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you." Deuteronomy 22:13-21

I just don't understand it! I know that God will restore to us the years that the locust hath eaten, so I just don't get why it hasn't happened to me yet.

"And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you. And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed." Joel 2:25-26

I pray every day that my h*men will be re-made, and I check to see if it's grown back regularly (once in the morning, once in the evening and sometimes once or twice throughout the day), so I just don't see that the problem is. Could I be phrasing my prayers wrong? Maybe an hour of prayer a day isn't enough? Maybe God's trying to tell me He wants me to consider the surgical option?

Please help me figure this out, friends! I want to be a woman who can one day proudly say "I have a blood-stained cloth on file in Landover's archives!".

Wishing to be bathed more in the blood of Christ so I can bleed for Him,

Lycia :(

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

i'm sorry to hear about your cooter, Lycia. Unfortunately, i know little of these matters as i have never sinned. :innocent:

(Billy Bob: I approve this post.)

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/custo...ar25335_11.gif Sister, eyes like these show that you have truly Found Jesus. Surely He shall lead you to the answer soon :)

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

Maybe it hasn't healed because you keep poking at it. :innocent:

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

I think you need to pray harder! :)

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

Sister Lycia, as long as your prospective husband (whoever he is, since it's obviously not ME :() is aware that you are not a virgin, then you just need him to sign a waiver before the wedding acknowledging such.

Besides, I can't imagine a man going in unto you and hating you. :blush:

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

Oh! Um, thanks for the compliment, Rev. Rodimer! I'd really prefer that my h*men spontaneously regenerates, though. I mean, wouldn't a bloody cloth carry more weight than a signed waiver? :huh:

What exactly do you mean by THAT, Godmocking hippie atheist? :angry:

Thank you for the advice, Sister? I'll up my praying for this to two hours a day. :thumbsup:

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

I have personally witnessed an amputated finger regenerate through the power of prayer. So such things are definitely possible. I think that more prayer is the answer. Have you been tithing adequately lately?

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

I tend to agree with this, unfortunately I believe that although you are a BAG (Born Again Virgin) God isn't going to regenerate it because you're still not as sweet as fresh picked. I think he want's to keep you honest to any prospective husband.

Also, I believe that scripture only comes into effect if the wife was promised to be a virgin in the first place. I know I was nervous on my wedding night because of some indiscretion as a teenager (horse back riding, motorcycling) so I wasn't 100% sure I was "intact".

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

GOD is love! He would not do something so horrible to someone who has made a special effort to redeem themselves! She could be killed for not being a virgin! I believe, like many others, that the answer is simply more prayer, bible study, and tithing to our fine church! Believe in the LORD and do not doubt him!

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

I would also say pray. Pray and continue to be a True Christian and praise Jesus! :)

Mark 9:23
Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

(I am only guessing that the same thing applies to woman, please forgive me if I am wrong!)

Yours in Christ
Elisabeth

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

One of the Dingle sisters, either Dolly or Dotty, was having the same problem and asked for my advice.

Now, I'm not saying the lady in question was beyond hope, but I'm constantly reminded of the adage: It's not the years on the road, it's the mileage.

It's sort of like if the horse is ridden hard and put away wet often enough, that's not much hope for it.

Anyway, I consulted one of our Pastors on the problem. He had just returned from the Far East and brought a case of these back:


http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u...oan_of_arc.jpg

Before you jump to conclusions about his intentions, I should point out he told me he uses these to protect the mufflers on his Harley from rain so they must work pretty well.

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

I know a Godly doctor who has a special praying table. You go to a hospital, they lay you on the special prayer table, you go to sleep while making mental supplications to Jesus to restore your hymen and when you awaken your hymen will be restored. It's called hymenoplasty and it only works on the Saved®.

Just give me a call if you are interested.

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

Lycia, I am a bit upset that you keep checking. Sounds to me like you have two bad things happening here.

1. You do not believe God will restore you - A total lack of faith - Shame on you!:angry:
2. You keep touching and worse, looking at the obscenity of a 'womans nether parts'. Sounds to me like someone is masturbating.:o

You need to know God will make you whole if you are worthy. Faith will cure you. You do not need to touch it or look to know God is taking care of your business. Get married and in complete confidence, know you will be a virgin on your wedding night.
I have been married three times and each time, God had me be a virgin for my wife.:innocent:

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

Brother Lebeau, this is very interesting, I'd love to see the miracle of God being performed. I think the opportunity to lay hands during the miracle would be a blessing. Please PM me the details. Are cameras allowed?

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

I KNEW IT!!! This, right here, is ABSOLUTE PROOF that prayer works!

Just take a look at THAT, Godmockers! I prayed for an answer, and I GOT IT! Now I now the answer is more prayer, and a Godly doctor praying over me!

I want to do this right away! :thumbsup:

OH MY GOODNESS! :fear2:

Brother James, of course you're correct here. I didn't realize it, but my faith must have been faltering and I was on the fast-track to relapsing into slut-dom because of it. Thankfully, Jesus answered my prayers and sent Brother Remy to inform me of what I need to do to make sure I remain a good, True Christian™ woman.

I can't wait to get that holy Prayer Procedure™! I want the ENTIRE WORLD to see that I'll be a whole woman again! :yahoo:

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

Well, since you don't want this, I'll just use it on my moped.

http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u...oan_of_arc.jpg

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

Sister, if you want your virginity to be restored, you must be a holy woman and live in silence, the way He commanded.
:brimley:

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

Is that the only part of the Bible that you've read? You've openly admitted to getting your "internet degree" from the same place pasta boy got his from!

Go back to your heathen ways and leave the True Christian™ women alone, they ARE NOT for the likes of you!

Re: Why haven't my tokens of virginity regenerated yet?
 

Um, thanks.

You are aware that us True Christian™ ladies have proven ourselves to be less empty-headed than the average woman, and have permission to speak on these boards (save for the Men's forum), aren't you?