Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Ho ho ho! Aren't I nice! My very well-earned 11-month vacation is OVER and I'm ready to GET IT ON! Keep 'em Christmas Lists a-comin as they say in the old South.
As always, I'll deliver based on your naughty vs. nice balance. Usually, for you naughty 'uns, I'd deliver coal but considering the energy crisis in Europe, all the coal is reserved for y'all Tiny Tims over there. For the naughty ones I'll just have to improvise. For instance, I'm gonna give Vlad the Putin a 30% discount gift card for a very thorough prostate exam. Very_thorough. Brenda Koczszinsky née Hernández in Tonaph, Nevada has been naughty (stealing nail polish) and she'll have a VIP pass for next year's local convention of environmentalist Democrat Ladies. That'll teach her. :D A not-so-gently reminder: I do NOT deliver people (romantic partners, slaves or other employees), I do not deliver world peace but nor does Jesus, as we can deduce based on this year's debacles. Nor do I deliver abstractions, such as falling in love or revivals or love potions unless approved by FDA or your local equivalent. I do not deliver hovercrafts with eels, too messy and Rudolph might slip. Plastic toys are a sure hit and highly recommended. Ho ho ho! Just ask and let all your dreams come TRUE! Merry Christmas, everyone from you all-time favorite supernatural being. Me. Santa Claus! |
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
You know, there is something I've been wanting. A chalice, or grail, of solid gold melted down from the teeth torn out of the mouths of Holocaust victims. I think it would be a great conversation piece and really cool. How about it?
|
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Santa, you know--some of those caveats that you threw in there sound like the restrictions on wish-granting that the Genie mentions in the movie, Aladdin. Just sayin'. . .
|
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Quote:
Based on your request, I'll deliver you not one but TWO nice gifts. You're gonna LOVE them. Obviously, there are some things that no entity, natural or supernatural, can do, not a Jesus a god or even the most powerful of all sentient beings, me! And that is how to trace the transfer of Nazi Dental Gold from the Reich into a Swiss bank accunt and then back again transmogrified into the most powerful weapon the world has ever known, the Swiss Franc. However, does a Gold Atom know its provenance? Actually, it does, and similar to all gold atoms, its provenance is in the collision of neutron stars and that's all we need to know, at least if the Swiss alternative is correct. However, it is also possible that the dental gold went back into the Rhine from whence the dwarf Alberich stole it. In that case, modern technology will help you recover it (just start at the site of Brünnhilde's funeral pyre and dive in a widening spiral thenceforth). AND here my extra jolly gift will help you! Scuba gear that is just perfect for riparian submergence. https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/05...g?v=1635163605 And, as promised. I have TWO nice thingies to deliver to YOU! The other one is a chalice carved from anthracite COAL that with the energy crisis I mentioned, has become much more valuable than rhinegold. https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/eXsAA...TK9/s-l500.jpg Just keep 'em prizes of your hourly motel rooms affordable and more NICE things will be filling your nylon stockings this Christmas. Ho! |
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Quote:
What you need is not the later lukewarm flicks of the franchise but the real stuff, that is, classic Donald Duck and the robotic helper that can give you much more sincere love than the whole seraphim population of the Northern Hemisphere (the number of which is actually=0). Ho ho ho ho ho. |
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
I have been trying to grow some miniature fruit trees and flowering shrubs but at different times of year there are insects. I'd been spraying them at various stages (according to the instructions) but the sprayers always break. Weeds are also a problem, one patch in particular, which need a more permanent solution. Either a(n automated if heavy) commercial strength sprayer or a flamethrower would be very useful.
https://www.23hq.com/23666/79870908_...d_standard.jpghttps://www.23hq.com/23666/97917309_...1_standard.jpg https://www.23hq.com/23666/79870907_...7_standard.jpg |
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Quote:
|
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Quote:
|
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Quote:
|
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Quote:
Instead, I'll deliver an insect hotel to you. I have seen them in many gardens and they seem to repel insects like nothing else. Never ever have I seen any bugs move into one and they soon learn to keep their distance. https://i0.wp.com/www.urbangardenswe...-bug-hotel.jpg Of course, the complimentary cheap brandy will accompany this gift wrapped in unremarkable brown paper, as always. |
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Quote:
https://img.huffingtonpost.com/asset..._720_noupscale |
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Quote:
https://legendsofwindemere.files.wor...21/07/soup.jpg Of course, you'll also need to do laundry more frequently. https://images.thdstatic.com/product...939-64_300.jpg |
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Quote:
This one is probably suitable for you. A nice house to renovate in Dildo, Canada and it DOES have a chimney so I can visit you anytime. https://remax-listingphotos-ca5.imgi...rgb&q=35&h=215 |
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Quote:
PS The insect hotel looks lovely. |
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Quote:
https://i0.wp.com/honestboozereviews...size=433%2C650 Please keep your stockings away from flammables. Ho. |
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Santa, enough about us! Let us
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-70Tl7Ja0R8...kies+text1.jpg |
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Quote:
Anyways, gee, this is swell! Jolly wonderful! Utterly kind of you and Rudolph sends you his gratitude. As a token of his appreciation of this gift that he'll ruminate for a while, I'll deliver you this academic tableau of ruminant intestinal anatomy, in this case, a lamb. Please be nice and remember to share it with that young Welsh shepherd special friend of yours. If not absolutely necessary, you can cut the lower left portion of the tableau off when he borrows it for his advanced education. https://img.agriexpo.online/images_a...-15061671.webp |
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
I would like a 24kt gold plated, life-sized statue of my Second Savior, President Donald J. Trump. Like all Trump products, it can be plastic underneath. If that's too tall an order, then could you resurrect Rush Limbaugh? We need him now more than ever.
|
Re: Santa's Gift Registry 2022. I SHALL DELIVER!!
Quote:
Instead of an idol I can and shall give you a RELIC. These are genuine nail clippings of Donald Trumps toenails delivered by Trump Tower's Janitor Jesus Maria José's Abuela, who used to clean Trump's bathroom (and yours and everyone's and she never had a name unless 'Hey you' is one). Aren't they swell!? https://i.pinimg.com/236x/d4/1c/d5/d...-tutorials.jpg And here's the complimentary jar of genuine plastic where you can store these objects of your veneration! https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/05...g?v=1626951250 I am sure that this'll be your bestest Christmas ever! The jar is for nail clippings only, not for any liquid discharge. You got those in 2019. As for the expected exhumation - I still don't deliver people except of these tiny bits of discarded debris. |
Re: Toole's gift
I must say I'm rather envious of your lovely cruet set.
|
All times are GMT. The time now is 06:09 PM. |
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved