[Witch Hammer]

If True Christian™ men knew the horrors that awaited them on their wedding night, and each subsequent seeding thereafter, they might just risk an eternity of hellfire rather than shove their manhood into something that looks like the mouth of a rabid pitbull that has mercifully had its teeth pulled, and reeks like the beach at low tide.

That being said, it is only by God's grace that we can even achieve, much less maintain, turgidity in the face of such a ravening nightmare. I say blessed is he who has less to lose if the gaping maw snaps shut and devests him of his masculinity, and blessed is he who's stunted prong allows for a quick withdrawl before the beast can devour its prey.