[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by Santa Claus

Baby boy, you're partly correct and your math is not too skewed. Verily,it's a miracle that I'm able to deliver all that. However, you missed the Japanese and Chinese who don't have the Jesus Faith but still rely on my delivery.

No I didn’t! I included all slants – we at Landover are very strong on Diversity! See my title.

I can now see a problem. You seem to expect that I require Faith.

If you mean that you have to have some sort of “faith” then I suspect an anagram would sort out the origins of that one.

If you mean Christian Faith (the one true ‘Faith’) then as you were born a Christian, it doesn’t take a lot to get used to having it. The benefits are enormous and bountiful, and you’d be stupid not to accept Jesus. But wait… you believe that you are of indeterminate age, fly through the air on a sleigh pulled by reindeer and work one day a year… It’s possible you might be stupid.

However, even the childlike(i.e. simple-minded) can come to Jesus.

I don't. I only assess the naughty/nice-axis. Regardless of the Faith I deliver.

This seems to be the same as Ahura Mazda – you’re not Iranian are you? They’re slimy lot of treacherous bastards who think they can cheat POTUS Trump and also attack our close allies the Saudis.

This is the main difference between me and Jesus.

I was wondering when you’d come to that.

As it happens, Jesus too assesses the “naughty/nice-axis” or as we say “godliness/sin” axis, and unlike you He has a book of guidance giving absolute morals – whereas you seem to let anyone do anything, so how you can tell the difference without a moral compass,I frankly have no idea!

Nor am I planning to appear at an unexpected point of time and start destroying the environment by polluting the waters

There you have it, Brothers and Sisters! Condemned by the lies of his own forked tongue!

I have shown above that your sleigh weighs c. 150,000 ton at the start and, we can say in comparison to a semi, about 2,000 ton empty. Now, simply take to conversion rate of reindeer fodder to energy of a 24 hour period of pulling that sleigh from 0-1000mph, about 2 billion times and we can see that the output of dung is going to account for all marine and land pollution.

and by delivering poisonous locust-scorpion hybrids.

I know a young boy who wants some of them for Xmas – what are you going to do?

I deliver plastic toys, games, videos, frying pans, robotic vacuum cleaners, gift baskets and stuff, not vials of wrath.

Words are cheap –you’ve no idea how much wrath you delivered when the Blu-ray player I ordered last Christmas didn’t work!

(Not to mention –which I am about to – the plastic that apparently chokes baby polar bears or something – That doesn’t particularly bother me, but it bothers some people.)And frying pans deliver cardiac infarcts by the thousand.)

That is why there never was any challenge. Instead of an insecure eternity, people turn to action figures painted with tacky colors.

Oh, I just love these baseless, sweeping statements devoid of common sense or evidence. People want what people are told to want by your master, you and he lead then astray from what God wants them to have. Mankind is weak and helpless without God to guide him: We fight Satan and your sort 24/7.

Wouldn't you just love a present depicted below? I bet you would, Ezzie, my runny-nosed superboy.

Why, pray tell,would I consider a “graven image”? Try it out on the Catlix – and throw in apiece of toast that has a picture of something that looks vaguely like some biblical figure or Elvis – they’ll buy anything.

Hey – that drunken Latvian dwarf – I’ve a picture of him – he says he misses you.