[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

History proves that Old Presidents Are Bad Presidents:

Ronald Reagan
Age: 69 to 77

As men age, they claim to be "mellowing", "letting go of grudges" and the like. In Ronnie's case, this meant a policy of appeasement towards the Russians. Despite starting his term with some of the greatest opportunities to nuke those polacks into a stonier stone age, we ended up instead making peace deals on par with Obama's Iran deal. Every time that some Russian posts an election-rigging dank meme, you can thank Wimpy Ronnie.

And don't even get me started on his policy on Walls. Or his son.

Donald Trump

Age: 70 to immortality at the right hand of Christ.

Okay, not ALL old presidents are bad presidents. Moving on...

Dwight D. Eisenhower
Age: 62-70

His career as a tool of Moscow is well documented, but also worth remembering his interstate highway system, a boongoggle that set back the development of flying cars by approximately forever. He was a cusser, the oral equivalent of the tendency of old people to fart in mid-conversation. He was the first gaming addict to become president (his game was Bridge, only because Starcraft had not been invented), and his desire to invent video games is probably what led to his post-Sputnik policy of throwing money at every nerd with a STEM degree and a plan to fake a moon landing.

Andrew Jackson
Age: 61-69

When he was young, he was fighting the Battle of New Orleans with BOOM! HEADSHOT! and BOOM! HEADSHOT! But in old age, he turned into a wimp, allowing Indian terrorists to escape via the "trial of tears" (aka the Ho CHi Min Trail of the 19th century).

James Buchanan
Age: 65-69

Also known as "the guy most responsible for the Civil War". Also known as "the war with the boring soundtrack". I'm not sure what to make of this guy.

George H W Bush
Age: 64-68



Spoiler Alert: he lost.