[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

After speaking with the administration of Landover Baptist University and coming together with the men who help ensure its continued accreditation, we finally reached a climax that I am happy to share with you here.


Everyone knows that I am shy and demure, and I do not ever wish to sing my own praises. I try to always make the Lord first and myself way, way down the list so that His Glory is apparent and my small, humble work for Him only magnifies His Name.


It is with that same spirit of humility that I announce the formation of the Naomi Ruth Lamb Scholarship, which shall be available to deserving young men of all specializations. In addition, another fund has been established strictly for those involved in research for Creation Science, which has been aptly named the White-Lamb Scholarship in honor of Dr. Professor Elmer White, illustrious and distinguished faculty member whose works in the field of Creationism and the science behind it are regarded quite auspiciously by true masters in that field. But there's more:


The Naomi Ruth Lamb Comfort Station Fund - monies with which the bathrooms of the university will be completely renovated and tastefully appointed - now has $250,000 and continues to receive donations from customers of Naomi's Moist Pie in special collection boxes across the country. These boxes will be sent to the building committee under the watchful eye of Brother Bathfire. I will hire by contract special bathroom supervisors to ensure that the vandalism and graffiti that was formerly found in these "necessary rooms" is a thing of the past forever. For those who do not know, such hateful slogans and slurs were found on the walls that it behooves me to speak no more of them here.


And we must praise our Lord yet once more, since the deficit facing the university for the past five years has now been resolved and LBU is operating in the clear financially as I have loaned over 75 million dollars long term with low, Christian-like interest rates, a sum which not only paid past debts including salaries of faculty and staff, but allows for hiring of five additional professors in various departments. The hiring will be managed by Dr. Enobarbus, Dr. White, Dr. Bathfire, and special consultant and education experts to be determined after investigation by the Department of Faith. Naturally, Pastor Ezekiel will have the final say on hiring since his spiritual expertise and direct line to Jesus is invaluable in such matters.


Please do NOT thank me - I am merely the humble and wealthy successful businesswoman who kept LBU from being closed permanently in five weeks. No - please direct the glory to GOD and His provision, which is unspeakable, as the songwriter of this great hymn of the faith explains:


"He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father's full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again."


Of course, that song could also be written about me, but let's not talk about that fact now, because Jesus deserves the credit and I know He will bless the University to pay me back.


In Humility and Praise to God Almighty,
NRL


For those of you who are simply obsessed with thanking me, gifts and notes of appreciation can be sent to my new office on the campus of LBU at this address: Miss Naomi Ruth Lamb, Landover Baptist University, 777 Naomi Ruth Lamb Way, Freehold, Iowa. Please do not send them to my home address of 1380 Apostle's Park Court, Freehold, Iowa, as I am only residing there sporadically until I feel my work here in Dallas is complete. Of course, if you feel led by God to write to both addresses, I am sure Christ will honor you tenfold come the Glory.