[Pastor Ezekiel]

Instead of wasting your time with any one of the countless anonymous "experts" on homerism who are openly darwinists, I'd like to draw you doubter's attention to the most successful True Christian*#153; research AND CURE for child homerism.

As we all know, people CHOOSE to be gay. And what is so surprising is the tender ages at which some of our most outlandish gay tykes chose to embrace this immoral lifestyle! While a one year old may not know that a round peg does not fit in a square hole - this doesn't stop many of them from using round pegs as their ungodly role-models to choose a lifestyle that will keep them from fitting into your Christian Family. I can't tell you how many mothers and fathers of children younger than 10, whom they used to be proud of, have come to me and said, "Mrs. Bowers, I have noticed that my son seems to like to do swishy, girly things. What should I do?" Well, let me tell you!

Noted lush and dear Sister in Christ Mrs. Dora Denkins came to me because when her 4 year old boy played "house" he insisted on method-acting the role of an immaculately groomed wife who wore silk cocktail dresses dawn-to-dusk and obeyed her drunken husband in every respect (even behind the closed doors of their Christian marital bedroom). While I applauded the Biblical authenticity of such a role, I pointed out to Mrs. Denkins that her son was obviously a submissive drag-queen in the making and, if left to his own devices, would likely turn into a prepubescent Barbara Billingsly right under her horrified nose!

So many foolish parents throw up their hands saying, "But, Betty, there is nothing we can do!"

Naturally, I want to grab them by their shoulders and shake the Holy Spirit into their wishy-washy beings, and scream: "Children are not born gay! That is a lie broadcast by Satan himself from the very pit of Hell itself! It is a well known fact that homosexuals CHOOSE to be gay! And if your toddler can choose to embrace an immoral, ungodly lifestyle, they can darn-well choose TO CHANGE THEIR DAMNED LITTLE TWO-YEAR OLD MINDS!"

Has Your Toddler Impetuously Chosen to Embrace an Ungodly Lifestyle And Act Like A Damned Homo?

Take BASH KIDS' simple True or False test to find out if your child is a candidate for heterosexual rehabilitation!

• When you take your 5 year old son to look at the action figures at Toys R Us, does he gaze longingly at the "Special Edition Jean-Paul Gaultier Fabulous Manhattan Hostess Barbie," but scoffs, "How outré for evening, Mommy! And that cut is so 'Friends' two seasons ago!"
  
• When your 1 year old boy first stands up, is it to perform a perfectly executed plié?
  
• Does 3 year old Barbara convert her pink Barbie Townhouse into a Meineke Muffler franchise?
  
• Does 2 year old little Bobby crawl out of his Baby Gap denim overalls, only to show up for feeding wearing a smart cashmere sweater set and a simple strand of pearls?
  
• Does your 4 year old little girl eschew dainty lace for corduroy and rewire the electrical outlets on your porch?
  
• When you have dinner guests, does your 8 year old boy climb out of his bunk-bed, slip into something sequined, and slink down the staircase regaling your guests with a heart-rending, coquettish version of "The Man Who Got Away" like a 4 foot, liquored-up Judy Garland?
  
• Does Daddy's Little Princess pass up tulle for tools?
  
• Does your 6 year old son shriek in ghastly apoplexy until you agree to wear Prada to the parent/teacher meeting?
  
• Does your little boy keep throwing out all your silk floral arrangements while you are sleeping and calling reputable florists to have everything replaced with impeccably chosen exotic blooms that are new to you, but he knows by name and scent?
  
• When your little daughter utters her first word, does she talk like a sailor?
• Does your 8 year old boy complain that your pumps are sporting "last season's heel," that you look "too off-the-rack" or sneer that "not even housefraus in Nebraska are wearing that tired Ralph Lauren fragrance"?
  
• When cleaning out from under your little girl's bed, do you invariably find long-neck beer bottles and blue chalk for pool cues?
  
• When you walk into the room wearing a new dress, does your husband barely notice, but your 7 year old son breathlessly exclaims: "Cerise and aubergine! To-die-for, Mommy!"
  
• When you take your children to Blockbuster, does your little girl cry if you don't rent "Personal Best" or does your little boy try to shoplift the wide-screen version of "Funny Girl"?

If any answer is Yes: Your willful child has made the choice to embrace an ungodly homosexual lifestyle and is going straight to Hell. Your only hope is BASH for Toddlers $4,000 Righteous Intervention. Sign up NOW!

If all answers are No: Your child is very crafty in hiding their decision to embrace an ungodly homosexual lifestyle, but is probably going straight to Hell anyway as our Blessed Lord sees behind every closet door! Your only hope is BASH for Toddlers $4,000 Righteous Intervention. Sign up NOW!