[Free Market Fred]

Thank you Brother Prayer, for raising this very important issue! Not too long ago, I was visiting Washington DC for some important meetings with the five Supreme Court justices we have on our payroll, and during lunch break we decided to head over to McDonald's. Yeah, I admit, I enjoy an occasional Big Mac and chocolate shake - it makes a welcome break from caviar and French wine. Anyway, it was noontime, and McDonald's was really crowded, even the handicapped parking spots were full. Furthermore, none of the parking spots were big enough to fit our stretch limos.

Fortunately, my professional security people handled it well. They towed away all the SUVs and cars parked in the handicapped spaces, and three adjacent spaces together were long enough to park one stretch limo. They also herded all the customers into the lady's room and locked them inside during the two hours we ate and chatted before heading back to the country club to resume a few rounds of golf and discuss upcoming court cases and how much in bonuses we would pay for favorable rulings.

We did have a slight incident when one of the elderly patrons locked in the rest room had a heart attack and his wife tried to call 911 on her cell phone, but my security people were using a radio device to block the call (the War on Terror, you know), so some of the other trailer trash started banging on the rest room door demanding that we call paramedics, despite the fact that they'd been told to keep quiet so as to not disturb us. That's where those tasers come in handy - if I was back in Cambodia where my security folks use live ammo, it would have been a lot messier. After binding all the customers' wrists with plastic handcuffs and taping their pie holes shut with duct tape, my security people didn't have any more trouble.

Anyway, we had a nice lunch. Although I probably don't go to McDonald's more than once or twice a year, it's good to keep in touch with what the riff-raff eat out there in flyover land. Of course, we brought our own organic lettuce and tomatoes for the burgers - I wouldn't touch the E-coli infected and chemical-laden stuff that my company's agribusiness division supplies to McDonald's and Wal-Mart - that would be practically suicidal!