You will all be horrified to know that, while I was out raking leaves, three scantily-clad female goths arrived and attempted to rape me!
Well, I pounded each of those harlots without mercy! It took two solid hours, but I finally wore all three out.
As they stumbled off, traipsing through the leaf pile they'd scattered with their wanton whoring, they told me they'd be back, seeking the Love of Jesus!
If you'll pardon me, I need a shower. All this raking really makes one sticky!