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Thumbs down Re: 10 Reasons why GOD HATES SOCCER! - 11-01-2016, 06:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
#1 Soccer is all about lying and cheating!
The most common way to win a soccer match is to trick the referee into giving you a penalty by feigning an injury, to make it appear as if a foul has been committed. Soccer players are specialized in dropping down and pretending to be hurt. They study children of 3 years or younger to learn how to perfect this technique. If the match is very important, like a world championship, they usually just bribe the referee to win. Proverbs 6:16-19 "... the LORD hate ... a lying tongue ... A false witness that speaketh lies ..."

#2 Soccer players want to be treated like prophets!
Too weak or slow to play football? Play soccer. Too short or slow to play basketball? Play soccer. Even though soccer doesn't require any athletic talent or advanced motor skills, soccer players somehow convinced themselves to be very special. Huge crowds of drunk soccer fans worship these arrogant brats as if they are Jesus Christ Himself. Matthew 24:24 "... false prophets ... deceive the very elect."

#3 Soccer is mostly about sex and drugs!
In 1974 the Dutch lost the World Championship soccer because their players had so much sex and drugs before the world cup final with Germany that they forgot to show up. Someone even wrote a book about it! Ephesians 5:18 "... be not drunk ..."

#4 Soccer players are extremely lazy!
If you have a very strong stomach and you can watch soccer for a few minutes without puking your guts out, just pay attention to a single player. It doesn't matter which one. Most of the time this player will either be standing still, or slowly walking from one place to another. If you look even closer you will notice all players only cover a small part of the playing field to minimize the chance of getting tired to an absolute minimum. Proverbs 12:24 "... the lazy man ..."

#5 Soccer prevents people from going to Church!
Most soccer training and soccer matches are on Sundays! Satan deliberately designed soccer this way to doom as much people as possible to Hell by preventing them from going to Church! Acts 20:17 "... the elders of the church."

#6 Soccer makes people gay!
Soccer is all about grown man hugging and touching each other in ways only gays would approve off. The favorite part of a soccer match is when the actual match is over and all players can get naked together in a huge shower. There is not a single soccer player in the world who is not gay. It's reasons like this that make ultra-gays like Sir Elton John a soccer fan! Romans 1:26-27 "... burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly ..."


#7 God has sent us many signs He hates Soccer!
God has warned humanity many times by sending crystal clear signs that He hates soccer! Clear signs like the Heyse Stadium disaster, the Hillsborough disaster, the Orkney Stadium Disaster, the Ellis Park Stadium Disaster and the Accra Sports Stadium Disaster leave 0% room for doubt that God hates soccer with a vengeance! Luke 18:27 "... The things which are impossible with men are possible with God."

#8 Soccer supporters are extremely violent!
If a bunch of soccer hooligans would have attacked Afghanistan, we would have won already! Soccer violence is without limits and is the most extreme form of violence known to man. Soccer hooligans are all totally insane psychopaths who completely lose every shred of humanity. Psalm 73:6 "... violence covereth them as a garment ..."

#9 Soccer and fascism are actually the same thing!
No one in their right mind can deny the connection between soccer and fascism. It is very common for soccer fans to wear Nazi symbols and to shout Nazi insults during soccer matches. In German concentration camps zyklon was used to kill as many Jews as possible. For this reason Umbro named their extremely popular soccer shoe Zyklon!

The English (!) soccer team in 1938:


#10 France is successful at soccer!

And to prove for once and for all that God really really hates soccer, just note that France is successful at soccer! Psalm 9:17 "... all the nations that forget God."

All people wasting time on soccer need to repent and accept Jesus Christ as their savior! Until then, they will suffer and they will burn in Hell along with people wasting time on Tennis, Golf, Cricket, Gymnastics, Swimming, Ice Skating, Lacrosse, Curling, Rugby, Softball, Cycling, Hiking, Horse Racing, Skiing, Snowboarding, Triathlon, Wrestling, etc.
I am afraid I must disagree with you kind sir. Here are my points.


1: There are many precautions that prevent foul play from occurring in soccer.


2: Soccer requires many skills, including hand-eye coordination, high stamina, and strong leg muscles. They must also be able to analyze their current situation and their options at any given time. The reason soccer players have such high confidence is because of their coaches using the placebo effect. This also applies to physical abilities. If you did not read the article on the placebo effect, simply put, if you believe that you can do something, you will be more likely to succeed.


3: You cannot base the entire sport after one instance.


4: Speed is not always a good thing. The average match lasts for over two hours, so the players must conserve their energy for when they need it. As for the players covering only a small part of the field, they must be near the action, so that they can act when needed. There are two situations, they have the ball, or the other team has the ball. If they have the ball, they must stay close together so that they can pass the ball if the ball is about to be stolen. If the other team has the ball, they must be close together in order to minimize the opportunities for the opponent to pass.


5: Most sports games are held on Sunday, so by that logic, every sport is meant to keep people away from church. Also, many soccer matches start after church ends, so there is no reason to not be able to go to church and enjoy soccer.


6: Have you never hugged a close friend? Also, many places have showers without barriers, such as a public pool.


7: Natural Disasters destroy all kinds of places.


8: So are many other people. Humans are sinful by nature, you cannot limit this sin to only one group.


9: The "Nazi Symbol" also known as a swastika, used to be a symbol of well-being. Was your footage before WWII? Also, it is possible to know more than one language, and to use curse words in another language to avoid prosecution of those who do not speak it.


10: There is nothing wrong with France. There are many French Christians! The fact that France is successful at soccer doesn't prove anything.




I doubt I've changed your mind, but I hope I've given you food for thought.


I do not intend to offend anyone, I simply wish to have an intelligent conversation.
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