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Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
 

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Default Re: To get Cornavirus out of the headlines, let's talk Sharknado preparedness - 03-11-2020, 07:32 PM

Seeing as this thread has turned into the general brainstorming thread, I have some ideas.

Thought #1

I've noticed that toilet paper is a really, really hot commodity all of the sudden. Not sure why - do people think coronavirus will kill all the trees? Are they so backward and barbaric that nobody told them you can buy a bidet for under $300?

Anyway, I hear that in dictatorships people buy the newspapers to use as toilet paper. And in America, the newspaper business is collapsing. Well, all we have to do is ban toilet paper manufacturing, and the newspaper industry will rebound! Best of all, since hardly anybody will actually read the things, the journalists will be free to write things other than the normal clickbait. Maybe they will just have entire issues of gut-bustingly hilarious Marmaduke cartoons.

Quote:


Or they can just type "you had to be there" a zillion times for a similar comedic effect.
Thought #2: death beats taxes.

The pandemic has caused tax-filing day to be delayed. Perhaps we could extend that further by...

...No, I don't dare go further into this.

But I will dare say that if, for tax reasons, you held your nose and voted for Trump, now you might want to touch your nose for completely different reasons. Mike Pence is leading the way here.

Thought #3: Proof for the recovered/immune

The economic damage can be reduced by giving some sort of proof of immunity to people who have recovered (assume re-infection is proven impossible). A certificate or something difficult to counterfeit. The immune get to ignore quarantine rules etc.

This will be very annoying for people who got it without noticeable symptoms. No idea how to fix that.


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Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 03-13-2020 at 03:24 AM.
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