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Love Jesus Uppity Methodists - 02-28-2019, 03:45 PM

The United Methodist Church, which at one time practically begged homers to come inside and experience the Methodist Difference®, has reversed its stance and decided that LGBTQ+ members are no longer welcome to marry in their "church" and are no longer eligible for clergicalization. This has made them all the rage in Bible believing circles. Well, woopity-piffling do.


Baptists have NEVER welcomed openly gay homosexuals and never will. We would not permit an openly gay homosexual to be a minister in our fine organization. Do you see us bragging about it? No. Well I think it's time for that to change. I propose that Landover starts a massive publicity campaign showing wholesome straight families walking in the door of the luxuriously appointed sanctuary, with slogans like "We've always been Adam and Eve - NEVER Adam and Steve," "Your children are safe here - no homer caregivers in our nurseries," and "Would you want a homer to baptize you and possibly see your naughty parts when your clothes are soaked and sticking to your body in a sensual way?"


While my ministry to the homer population is one of compassion and love, and while I can relate to the pain and loneliness of the homer because God has allowed me to feel it in my spirit, I simply cannot allow Methodists to act like they're the only ones who deep down hate the gay people that enter their church doors. We must prove that we, too, have hatred and disgust - in a Godly, loving way - for the homer men and Lebanese women who try to falsely worship our risen Lord in a Baptist church.


Who's with me? I will personally put up $20 toward this campaign. Will you match my contribution?


Let's show the world the Baptist love of Jesus - the manly, tough love that Christ taught us to show. We'll put those mamby pamby Methodists in their place!


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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