[Virginia Day Templeton]

I never understood how a man who masturbates can be considered heterosexual. Makes no sense. You mean to tell me that there is one penis in the world you can not only touch but stroke to orgasm and still be straight—and that this is in fact a rite of passage to becoming a normal, masculine man, and the more you think about touching and stroking this penis during your daily life, the more virile, healthy, and manly you are—but doing the exact same thing to any of 3,499,999,999 other, more or less identical penises means you are gay? Sorry, I don't buy that. It flies in the face of all logic. Giving a man a handjob, even if that man is you, is a fundamentally homosexual activity that cannot be performed non-homosexually (unless of course a woman performs it, which is still a gross perversion and a waste of seed). The same goes for female masturbation, but the less said about that, the better.