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Free Market Fred Free Market Fred is offline
The Prophet of Profit, Now Giving Financial Advice to Jesus in Heaven
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Default Re: Annual Endangered Species Dinner - 05-06-2010, 12:53 AM

These dinners are a great idea. My personal favorite is whale meat, imported from my company's whaling subsidiaries located in Japan, Iceland and Norway. Although the environwackos make a big deal about the slaughtering of whales, what they fail to realize is that these kills are the result of important scientific whale research. We have learned so much from this research - for example, we've learned which species of whale taste best, and which ones will fetch the highest price.

The good news is that as the whales become more scarce, the price goes higher exponentially! When we get down to the last whale in existence, just think of how much we can sell it for! Our profits will be off the charts!


Scientific research

Now, I realize that many people are saddened to see whales go extinct, but really, they shouldn't be. When all the whales are gone, we can go after the dolphins which taste similar but don't (yet) fetch such a high price. That's good news, because it means that more people can enjoy this rare delicacy. You see, my company is a caring, sharing corporation, and we don't mind helping out all the little people every now and then.

Of course, some day our overfishing and polluting (ie oil spill) may wipe out ALL life in the oceans, but I see no reason to be concerned about this. I reckon we still got 50 years before the seas are completely devoid of living things, and by that time I know I'll be dead. Ditto for global warming - as long as you've got a house in Alaska at least 100 feet above sea level, you're good to go for the next 50 years, so what's the beef?

Given the above facts, why do liberals get their panties all twisted in a knot over this extinction hoax? The answer, of course, is that they're in league with Al Gore and George Soros to establish a New World Order to control our lives. I think that's obvious, and I don't know why the majority of voters fails to see it. Fortunately, we've got Rush Limbaugh to bring this message to the masses, and I'm pleased to say that more and more people are drinking his Kool-Aid and voting against their interests. I bet we can get the Tea Partiers to demonstrate in favor of Japanese whaling, even though none of them could ever afford a whale steak, or even sushi, but as long as we keep the price of dried dogfood low enough, they won't starve.


Food for the little people

I'd personally like to take this time to thank all the little people, who loyally support rich corporations as we pillage the middle class. Shucks, all that loyalty just brings a tear to my eye as I count my pile of money. I guess you could say that I've got a heart as big as the great outdoors.


Praise Jesus!
Brother Fred
CEO, The Uranus Corporation
Put your faith in Uranus!


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