Thread: My introduction
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My introduction - 01-05-2016, 03:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by "Sodomite" Sebastian View Post
Hello, Landover Baptist Church.
I am a filthy atheist sodomite, who has, for his whole life, plainly rejected the love of Jesus by being a fag. You may be asking, "what is such a disgusting abomination doing on our forums?" The reason is that I wish to repent. To rid myself of sin. To cast out the demons.
Well Praise Jesus! Another foul, disgusting, perverted, negligent steward of seed has decided to embrace the Body of Christ, and find the One Thing that can fill the God-Shaped hole in his heart! Oh how I shall pray you the fertile ground upon which the LORD planted His divine Seed (Matthew 13:8)!

I know you feel bad about disappointing Jesus. I know you think to yourself, "Self, I can't possibly feel any more humiliated than I already do." And I want to share with you the good news that Jesus not only thinks worse of you, He's come to the conclusion you are the most repulsive thing on this earth! All sinners are! Why, to Him, you are nothing more than a festering rag soaking up menstrual blood (Isaiah 64:6)! Can you imagine anything more vile than that? I can't either, Praise the Lord!

But how wonderful for you that, should you be sincere in your desire to repent, Jesus has promised to look the other way and embrace Alzheimer's like memory loss of every repellent, nasty sinful behavior, word, or thought you've ever had, and pretend none of it ever happened (Isaiah 43:25)!

Welcome to our forums, dear. I look forward to watching your rebirth in the Spirit.



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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