[Brother Harold Porter]

All that goth stuff is just a desperate cry for help. "Look at me! I dress like a circus freak and smell like a dead trout! Look at me and notice me, please!".

Your corrupt and doomed soul makes you misbehave, young lady. There is serious sin in your life (likely of a deviant sexual nature) that keeps you from a personal relationship with Jesus. But as is so common with the lost scum, you shun your Creator in favor of making an obscene spectacle of yourself, and in so doing, you insult Jesus as surely as if you urinated on Him in His manger.

Yet, you are here because you know deep down that you need help in order to be normal and happy again. Will you confess your countless character faults, your filthy sins and foul temper this day? Let us guide Jesus deep inside you and fulfill you with His warm love and the blissful content that only He offers?

Let's start by dispensing with all the narcissistic obsession with yourself. Tell us what really makes you despair in the wee hours of the morning as you toss and turn in shame and misery. We are here to help.

In Christ