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Dennis Lukes Dennis Lukes is offline
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Bible Re: My Introduction - 01-23-2019, 11:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
Our Lord Jesus Christ says "I am the bread of life"
Are you implying that Jesus actually comes back as bread, such as communion wafers? Are you sure you're not a Papist, boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
No, my toast does not speak to me, nor does it tell me to do things.
Good to hear. If this changes, seek spiritual assistance immediately. Demonic possession, what the secularists call "schizophrenia," is a very dangerous condition.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan View Post
The morning after we got married, I ordered her to toast me an English muffin, and as she was serving me, she said "Look, your toast has Obama's face on it." I immediately grabbed my King James Bible and beat her over the head with it and shouted "Jesus not black!"
While the Bible does indeed tell men to beat their wives as a means of correction and to keep them in line (Ephesians 5:22), you should also bear in mind Colossians 3:19. We follow the WHOLE Bible (James 2:10). God is NOT okay with beating your wife just because you feel like it. Because women are inferior to men, they often need correction (1 Peter 3:7), but what you describe is cruelty (Psalm 37:8, James 1:20). She did not say that Jesus is black (which would indeed be blasphemy, Galatians 6:7, Revelation 1:14), merely that your toast burn looked like that coon Obama.


I love my wife Doris and hate seeing her in pain. I feel bad every time I have to strike her, and I'd never do it if I didn't have to, but Jesus commands it.


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