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Originally Posted by MuffinMan
Our Lord Jesus Christ says "I am the bread of life"
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Are you implying that Jesus actually comes back as bread, such as communion wafers? Are you sure you're not a Papist, boy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan
No, my toast does not speak to me, nor does it tell me to do things.
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Good to hear. If this changes, seek spiritual assistance immediately. Demonic possession, what the secularists call "schizophrenia," is a very dangerous condition.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuffinMan
The morning after we got married, I ordered her to toast me an English muffin, and as she was serving me, she said "Look, your toast has Obama's face on it." I immediately grabbed my King James Bible and beat her over the head with it and shouted "Jesus not black!"
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While the Bible does indeed tell men to beat their wives as a means of correction and to keep them in line (Ephesians 5:22), you should also bear in mind Colossians 3:19. We follow the WHOLE Bible (James 2:10). God is NOT okay with beating your wife just because you feel like it. Because women are inferior to men, they often need correction (1 Peter 3:7), but what you describe is cruelty (Psalm 37:8, James 1:20). She did not say that Jesus is black (which would indeed be blasphemy, Galatians 6:7, Revelation 1:14), merely that your toast burn looked like that coon Obama.
I love my wife Doris
and hate seeing her in pain. I feel bad every time I have to strike her, and I'd never do it if I didn't have to, but Jesus commands it.