Hold on Larry, a new letter has just arrived.
Dee Penharder, age 14 - "My mommy and daddy have arranged me a new husband, and I'm a little nervous. I overheard daddy say my new husband is black! I don't wanna be wed to a scary nigra. pardon me for the potty talk, but is it true black man have giant penises? Please help me Dolli, I'm worried they are wedding me off to the new neighbor whose black and smells like a Turks bassment when he comes walking by."
"Deary me, Dee, this does sound like a pickle! It doesn't seem you come from from a very Christian neighbor hood, to allow any one to to live there, willy-nilly. Speaking of willy, you don't need to concern your precious little mind over the endowment of your husband. If your parents have any sense, it's likely you are misunderstanding what you overheard, and they are in fact planning to give you off to Conrad
Black! Our Glorious Trump has just pardoned him, did you know? His time in false imprisonments surely must have taken a toll on his grieving wife, who will undoubtedly be cast aside for someone who doesn't need Botox to look like a kewpie doll. Keep praying Dee, and this could be your future man of your dreams! His annulment from Babs will come soon, and his Swiss bank account is the only endowment you need to concern over!
((Those feline eyebrows )