Teenagers: Please Do Not Fornicate on Church Property -
06-15-2022, 01:37 AM
It's high school graduation season again, and that means that we're going to run into more and more teenagers using the Landover Baptist Church campus as their own private bordello over the coming months. To avoid a repeat of last year's incident in which church security had to shoot several randy, trespassing teens, we ask that teenagers stop having sexual intercourse on church property. Jesus is watching you, and so are our security cameras!
We implore all Landover fathers to double-check that their daughters' chastity devices fit snugly and are properly locked.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
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