[Bob4God]

“Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of JESUS CHRIST my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win CHRIST." -Philippians 3:8

The Bible tells us that all things but the knowledge of JESUS CHRIST are as dung.

As True Christians, we do everything to the Glory of GOD. Often people ask us how we can possibly expect to do every single thing in our lives to His Glory.

Well, I think that this is a good question. How do we expect to do everything to His Glory, even when making and excreting dung which the Bible uses to to represent things that are disgusting and deplorable to the LORD?

I would like to offer these suggestions which I have found to strengthen my love for CHRIST and keep me holy when doing my dirty business in the toilet:

1. Sing a hymn! We shouldn't expect the Lord to want to sit there in Heaven listening to us make bodily noises in the bowl. Certainly that must be very awkward for Him! I always cover the sounds of my shame by singing a song of love to my Precious Savior. Sometimes I've had to sing out very loudly, such as after eating a spoiled potato salad at pot luck, but I always know that GOD appreciates the effort regardless of whether or not my neighbors can hear me singing in the bathroom.

2. Read the Bible! What better way to keep toilet time holy than by reading God's personal letter to us! (Breathe through your mouth so as not to associate any of the Bible with foul smells or waste.)

3. After finishing my business on the toilet, instead of rubbing paper on my behind, I fill the bathtub with warm water, sit down in it and bob up and down to wash away my impurity. The purpose of this is twofold: Firstly, it reminds me of the meaning of Baptism and being washed in the warm blood of CHRIST, and secondly, it allows me to avoid touching myself back THERE like some kind of homosexual deviant.

4. When doing a number one, I gaze Heavenward instead of looking down at my dirty parts. It is better to look to JESUS and live forever than it is to have a stain-free toilet but burn in hell for admiring myself. (Besides, Mrs. Fore will clean it up.)

5. When sitting down to do a number 2, I lay a towel across my lap to keep from seeing my own nakedness, and to prevent the unholy smell from rising Heavenward.

6. If I eat a large meal, I will take a laxative afterwards so I will not feel any long, hard pieces of excrement passing through, thereby avoiding images and sensations of sodomy that might lure me into depravity.

I hope these tips help, and if you have any other ideas, please list them.

As always, GOD BLESS!