Friends,
In
an exclusive first-hand expose, we have introduced to America
the modern-day Gomorroah that is Denmark.
We have warned time and time again that, instead of dissapearing into history, the viking menace is alive and more threatening than ever. While the vikings of yesterday built an empire on longships and plunder, today's stealthier viking empire conquers with disco music,
perverted children's shows, and poo-fetishism disguised as international development aid.
Yes, the poo-fetishist eco-terrorists are striking again. We warned you about
the worm-poo coup in the
White House, but it turns out their dung-stinking ambitions are global in scale. They want to do no less than turn the "Third World" into the Turd World. Their plot is propagandized here:
http://www.michaelyon-online.com/gobar-gas.htm
Basically, this Danish invention takes animal and human dung, and various garbage, and turns it into natural gas, and fertilizer. They claim that it solves many problems, but these arguments fall apart under closer inspection.
Lie #1: It revolutionizes the third-world's economy as women and children don't have to spend all day finding and hauling firewood, but can instead go to school and start businesses.
The truth: One of the core tenants of Capitalism is that if someone is making more money, it's because they are working harder, and if someone is making less money, it's because they're lazy. Obviously women and children in the third world don't "
spend all day gathering firewood and hauling water", since if they worked that hard, they wouldn't be poor any more. I make more money in a second than most third-worlders do in a year, and on many days I only get out of bed to eat or go to the bathroom. And third worlders are even lazier than me!
And if these kids go to school, those schools will either be terrorist madrasas, or worse, schools that teach evolution and sex ed. Children's work ethic will collapse as they spend their days sitting down indoors. Idle hands are the devils playthings: newly idle women will spend their time cheating on their husbands, and plotting divorce.
Remember, this invention comes from Scandanavia, the land of socialism. If it led to businesses being started, they would ban it.
Lie #2: Because it replaces firewood, it saves trees, which means less desertification.
First of all, everybody knows oil is in deserts. So if you kill the desert, you kill the oil, and thus the economy. Secondly, trees cause pollution. Also, forests and trees are associated with paganism. Anyway, Genesis states that God intelligently created all the trees in the world, and if He wants more trees, He will make them.
Lie #3: Methane burns cleanly, so people won't have their health ruined by cooking smoke - a major, overlooked cause of death in the third world.
Methane is not clean, methane is the stuff that comes out of you when you fart. This invention is basically a fart-machine. There are already many poor people who get high by "huffing" glue and spaypaint, just imagine how many of them will spend all day by the fart-still, huffing their moonshined farts. And this being a european invention, the fart-snobs won't be far behind:
"SNORT...Ah, four-day old thistle-fed goat droppings, with a delicate after-aroma of corn husks and just a hint of constipated cow..."
As for this cooking-smoke lie - third worlders eat their food raw. In fact, the word "Eskimo" means "eaters of raw meat". The Danish know this, as eskimos infest much of their empire.
And let's not forget that the whole theory of this machine - that rotting garbage creates methane - is based on
germunist theory. This is the same germunism that claims that disease is caused by invisible monsters, rather than the
wrath of God. Germunism directly disagrees with the Bible, just like evolution does.
Lie#4: This is an infinitely substainable source of fuel and germ-free fertilizer.
"Substainability" is just a buzz-word for denying the Book of Revelations, which tells is that we are living in the Last Days, and that the Rapture is coming soon.
"Behold, I come quickly!" -Jesus. We will be raptured up to heaven, where the oil flows in rivers and food grows right on your plate, long before the world runs out of oil and fertilizer. The "germ-free" is just more germunist propaganda.
Lie#5: this technology is overlooked because it's not a profitable gizmo, and capitalist thought focuses on profitable treatments rather than cheap and simple solutions. Since the work done by women and children isn't measured in money, ie the GDP, capitalist economists think it doesn't exist.
Anyone who thinks women and children don't add to the GDP have never spent much time in Bangkok. While Bangkok has given our crusading soliders good RNR and our business leaders a way to unwind after a long hard day of golf meetings, what have the poo-moonshiners of Nepal ever given us? They don't even tidy up Mt. Everest, the place is a dump! Plus, now that they don't need firewood, it will get overgrown with trees, spoiling the views.