My nephew Paul turns seven in a couple of weeks, which means that he'll be old enough to attend the pee-wee section of the Landover Baptist Church
Vacation Bible Gun Camp next summer. He's really looking forward to this because he'll get to meet his heroine, guest firearms instructor Rep. Lauren Boebert. He loves the way she's not afraid to take a stand against the Jews.
Paul already has a great Bible, of course. I'd like for him to have an outstanding gun to match. Here are a few of my ideas, but I'm open to suggestions.
.44 Magnum Revolver
Pros: Heavy hitting to bring down the toughest target. Sounds amazing when fired. Easy to conceal in a pocket or school backpack.
Cons: Limited capacity revolver, so fast reload skills are a must. Recoil could kick a child back several dozen yards.
Double Barrelled Pump-Action Shotgun
Pros: Can take out multiple targets in one shot if closely spaced. Does not require perfect aim. Great for home defense. Bolt action sounds really cool.
Cons: Only two shots loaded at a time. Long barrel can be awkward in tiny arms of a seven-year old.
Sniper Rifle
Pros: Extremely accurate even at long distances from a concealed position.
Cons: Single-shot weapon. Requires a lot of fussing with range finder. Calculations for adjusting for wind, temperature, and relative humidity are a bit difficult for a seven-year old.
Uzi Submachine Gun
Pros: Rapid fire to take out multiple targets at close range. Reloading magazine is a snap. Smaller barrel easy for children to hold. Lots of firepower deployable in tight spaces, so highly effective when raiding U.S. government buildings.
Cons: Not accurate for distant targets.
AK-47 Assault Rifle
Pros: A classic, easy to use, easy to maintain, great for bringing down that buck (dear or drug-addled negro) even without having great aim.
Cons: Uses a
lot of bullets to take down the target, so costs can mount rapidly. Common weapon for children, so doesn't stand out in a crowd.
Assault Rifle With M-203 Grenade Launcher
Pros: Highly versatile: Lay down a smoke screen, burn 'em with white phosphorous, choke 'em with tear gas, drop a fragmentation grenade on them, mark them with colored smoke for a napalm attack from the air, and shoot 'em when they get close. Can take out multiple targets at a distance, so great for self-protection during Black Lives Matter protests. Not commonly owned, so the child stands out in a crowd. Everybody loves a grenadier.
Cons: Grenades are expensive to purchase and hard to make at home.
.50 Caliber Browning Machine Gun
Pros: Can wipe out a race riot single-handedly. Can take down a herd of elephants in a quarter of a second. Easily defeats personal armor. Can fell large trees without using a chainsaw.
Cons: Requires set-up before shooting, so not good for quick personal defense. Weighs more than the small child who's carrying it. Best operated with a friend to feed the ammo belts, so not ideal for unsupervised play time.