[Santa Claus]

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire

Look, "Santa" or whoever you are, the math is against you. The Sons of Adam number 7 billion upon the face of the earth. As was foretold, we are as numerous as the stars in the sky!

And the weak of faith Christian (we will assume that all are Christian, for that is how all mankind is born) gives and receives, say 5 presents - that's 35 Billion presents to be delivered in 24 hours.

That's 1.5 Billion an hour at 1,000mph. You start off with a sleigh that has to weigh 150,000 ton laden, and you've not even climbed down a chimney yet!

Baby boy, you're partly correct and your math is not too skewed. Verily, it's a miracle that I'm able to deliver all that. However, you missed the Japanese and Chinese who don't have the Jesus Faith but still rely on my delivery.

I can now see a problem. You seem to expect that I require Faith. I don't. I only assess the naughty/nice-axis. Regardless of the Faith I deliver. This is the main difference between me and Jesus. Nor am I planning to appear at an unexpected point of time and start destroying the environment by polluting the waters and by delivering poisonous locust-scorpion hybrids. I deliver plastic toys, games, videos, frying pans, robotic vacuum cleaners, gift baskets and stuff, not vials of wrath.

That is why there never was any challenge. Instead of an insecure eternity, people turn to action figures painted with tacky colors. Wouldn't you just love a present depicted below? I bet you would, Ezzie, my runny-nosed superboy !




Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho