Hello Brothers and Sisters, I come with you with more pressing news in the Moans household.
As you know me, I am a dedicated Christian, American mom (in that order) and the proud incubator of sixteen (minus six) soldiers for JesusŪ.
Recently, I've been having increased trouble with one of my more difficult brats; Mildrew. There's always been something odd about that boy, and unfortunately, with the recent accident that had befallen my husband and two eldest sons, there is no more exemplary male role models about to help
beat mold impressionable young Mildrew into an upstanding Christian man.
Now things have taken an increased turn for the worse when Mildrew came up to me this morning and voiced his discontentment over the snipped state of his manhood.
I quote, in his whiny, coy voice:
"Mom, if I have mutilated genitals, I might as well have none at all! I WANT to be a WOMAN!"
Well, I was in state of shock. I resisted the tempted urge to faint at hearing that sort of sick blather spewed from his lips, and forced myself to grab the emergency kitchen Bible from the counter drawer. I began beating him as hard as I could, but all he did was wiggle and moan:
"Ooh! Ooh! Yes, smack me harder Mom! Smack me as hard as Daddy does!"
Then he emitted a demonic giggle I still hear ringing through my head. Right now, I've requested a few handy neighbors to come over and restrain him, and keep him away from any scissors in case he gets any ideas!
