Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold
PUBLIC NOTICE:
Freehold's High School's football team, the She-Bears, is hiring a new person to be inside the She-Bear mascot costume and work the sidelines at football games. The She-Bear is about seven feet high, heavy and very hot inside.
The She-Bear's job is getting the crowd into the game through enthusiastic pantomime. This includes holding up a cross, pointing to the sky when something good happens to our She-Bear team or bad happens to the opposing team (injuries) and assuming a prayer-like pose before point-after kicks.
Please send resumes to:
Johny Joe Hold, Mayor
City Hall
Freehold, IA 50322
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Your Honor Mr. Mayor,
As indicated in my ad placed in the Freehold newspaper I am seeking employment. I realize this is likely part time, but that's fine with me. I do have a few questions about the job, if I may:
1. Is housing included? If so, is the housing near Pastor Zeke (the young, cute, virile, chiseled, muscular, manly, handsome one)?
2. Do any of Freehold's elite attend the games?
3. Would my connection to the governor's office - you know, the one that is retiring next year - have any bearing on my chances for this job? (I know people that know people - I'm just sayin)
4. If anyone hasn't told you lately what a fine job you do for the citizens of Freehold - indeed, this entire state, may I now say that I have the utmost respect for your work?
I've taken the liberty of sending a crate of your favorite girl scout cookies to City Hall as a thank you for being such a Godly person.
Manly Hugs,
Brother Larry