So
the White House Dog has confessed to being a terrorist mastermind, and
the Gen-X punk rocker turns out to be the secret hacker known as "Psychedelic Warlord".
Welcome to the bizarre parallel dimension that is 2019, folks.
Here's a pregnant Chelsea telling Buzzfeed writers that she apologies for the massacre of 49 New Zealanders:
(If this makes no sense, remember that she has a Jewish husband.)