Quote:
Originally Posted by Jean Poole
Naturally, children can get a bit boisterous at times. This is always embarrassing, and it is a fine time for a whippin', as you beat Jesus into that child of yours. What better way to make your child think of Jesus' sacrificial blood while blood pours out of their own body? 
In Church, however, it would be rude to distract other Church members during a Service, and so, before utilising the ever-famous "beatin' in the hall" method, my husband and I have come up with some very quiet disciplinary methods during service. This way, your brat is silent, and everyone can worship! 
1. Stick a pin into them. The noise of the pin is near-silent. If they are disobedient enough to scream, take them outside. Give them sinful midgets something to be frightened of! 
2. Tie the child with ropes to the pew, and put a gag in their mouths. Useful for continual offenders.
3. Got a bottle of water, coke etc.? Lie the child down on your lap, hold his limbs tight, and hold the bottle to their mouth, tipping the drink in without ceasing. They will have to concentrate on not drowning, and so will make very little noise. Particularly good for toddlers!
4. For older children, the Bible is always a good resource. Lay them on the pew and put your biggest and heaviest Family Bible on their chest and strap it to them with a belt. ( Multifunctional Belt- Can also be used for beatings). With the Bible constricting their breathing, they will be unable to make mischief.
5. Force them to the floor and make them sit up on their knees. Preferably on a plank punched with nails you have brought in. When they have been kneeling on a naily plank for an hour, you won't be having any more problems with sitting still! |
Or maybe you should just realize that they don't want to go to church and that they would much rather follow a religion they weren't forced into.