With the autumn season upon us, I've been thinking it's time for me to find a wife. Being well past 60, it's hard to fathom I could be a bachelor for so long. I can't think of anything more romantic and holy than proposing on Landover's own Christian Singles forum.
It just so happens, I think I've found the perfect match after my time of being here:
MITZALIZALOR.
I've been watching you for a while now, in a gentle Christian manly way, sort of like how Jesus watches us, so in a non-creepy way.
But Mitza, your firey auburn hair, those violet lips and penetrating eyes. I love that your cosmetic enhancements (If my presumption is correct, or else you've been blessed with natural God-given beauty that has beguiled me) don't cross into harlot territory.
Recently, a pastor has suggested I might be two-eyepatches crazy. Given your certified status as Crazy for the LORD, it would be no surprise that perhaps two crazies can go hand in hand?
I admit, I know little about you Mitza (Do you have an existing spouse who will hunt me down with a sawed-off shotgun over this modest proposal? If so, disregard anything I've just said), nor do I particularly care about that. My needs are more straightforward than bothering with fickle superficial details; I prefer substance.
So, what do you say? You, me and Jesus make three?
As your prospective husband, I will sing my latest Christian diddies as you sleep.
