Dear Ezekiel Bathfire,
I am delighted to see my investment advice has piqued your interest! Can we have dinner, my treat of course, one of these days? You would be amazed at how much money you can make as soon as you have decided to become a money magnet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire
I am told that this “pornography” often shows scenes of a racy nature, such as ladies in underwear together with men in sporting poses. There is no need for this on this earth and there certainly will be none of it in heaven where bits below the waist will be superfluous.
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I am glad you noticed what is so great about investing in pornography. You will never come into contact with
pornography in any shape or form, yet you take money away from evil sinners to spend on your own God approved Christian goals. Making the world a better place and thereby clearly pleasing God. Not to mention the return on investment is truly truly amazing. "A faithful man will abound with blessings" (Proverbs 28:20)
What always surprises me is how liberals, democrats or whatever communists are called nowadays, seem to think they have to invest in those silly Al Gore approved "green" funds. Falsely pretending you would gain some green dollars this way. As if the fact that Al Gore failed at stealing the election from our beloved George W. Bush wasn't enough evidence to completely ignore Al Gore for all eternity. Not only do green funds have a much lower ROI than the Christian investment portfolio, they even do worse than the market! And green funds are an insult to God. As if the earth He created wouldn't be capable of taking care of itself!
"In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth." (Genesis 1:1)
Yours in Christ,
Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.
Disclaimer: All investments involve different degrees of risk. You should be aware of your risk tolerance level and financial situations at all times. Furthermore, you should memorize the entire Holy Bible and read all transaction confirmations, monthly, and year-end statements. Read any and all prospectuses carefully and do extensive multi-year research before making any investment decisions. You are free at all times to accept or reject all investment recommendations made by me, although I have to warn you that you risk burning in Hell for all eternity when you choose to ignore my advice of hiring me as your investment adviser. All transactions I execute on your behalf are subject to market risk and may result in the entire loss of your investment. (For example: excessive withdrawals may result in the depletion of your account and also in the accumulation of excessive debt which will become entirely yours and your responsibility). Please understand that any losses are attributed to divine intervention or market forces beyond my control. As you know, a recommendation, which you are free to accept or reject, is not a guarantee for the successful performance of an investment and I am expressly prohibited from guaranteeing against losses arising from market conditions or the excessive fees you will have to pay me.