Cot death is also called SIDS -- an acronym which stands for sudden infant death syndrome. Cot death isn't any one illness or disease. Rather, it's a diagnosis, given when an apparently healthy baby under the age of one dies without warning. When doctors and investigators can't pinpoint a cause after performing a full investigation including an autopsy, review of family and medical history and examination of the death scene, the cause is clearly an act of God. It is hard for us mere mortals to say why God chooses to smite babies in this fashion, yet it is clear that they must have displeased Him somehow. Today, I'm going to show you how to minimise the risk of cot death by eradicating liberal and atheistic tendencies in one's infant.
Put your baby to sleep on his or her face
It is a well-known fact that demons can enter a child during sleep, and demon-possessed children being slain by God is a major cause of cot death. Putting a child to sleep with its face and stomach down is a surefire way of reducing the risk of demonic entry via the mouth or nose.
Don't allow liberals to prevent you smoking near your baby
During the 2004 elections,
the tobacco industry donated over $2,000,000 to the Republican party. This is a good and Godly industry, unjustly persecuted by various forms of totalitarian and liberal secularists. Exposing your child to smoke from an early age will help to immunise it against secularist/liberal propaganda.
Use soft sleeping surfaces for bedding
Waterbeds, beanbags, baby nests and other soft surfaces are excellent for this purpose. The use of a firm, flat mattress may lead to gender confusion, and should be avoided.
Avoid underheating your baby
An insufficiently warm room, too little bedding, or bedding that cannot cover a baby's head sufficiently are associated with an increased risk of cot death. If you fear your baby may be falling under Satanic influence, it is important that you give your baby a chance to sweat it out: sweating, damp hair,
heat rash, rapid breathing and restlessness all indicate that a child is being kept at the correct temperature.
It is important that you give your child room to move around; placing its feet at the foot of the cot or pram and tucking covers in securely so that they cannot slip over the child's head are both examples of the sort of behaviour that may lead to your child becoming a work-adverse hippy, and thus a prime candidate for God's wrath.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.