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Default Re: Landover Baptist Will Not Cancel Easter Services - 03-31-2020, 01:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
We will absolutely be holding Easter Service. We will be holding Service EVERY Sunday and I will preside over it LIVE every time. We will be holding one hour services 24/7 of reruns of my greatest sermons of all time.
As in the past there are times when I cannot physically be present but my image on the JesMegaTron is the real deal. Attend, you will see me looking right at YOU! Fail to be there and I will know. God will know. Then in a weeks time, the attendance sheets will be published in God's Favorite Newpaper®, the Landover Truth and Light™.
Beloved Pastor Zeke: I would love to be there, but according to my calculations, Easter this year will fall exactly during "this" time of the month, which means I shouldn't be there, for the sake of others, of course. We just cannot risk anyone becoming unclean just because I selfishly decided to attend church. I mean I can avoid sitting or touching anything, but what if someone accidentally touches me? We wouldn't want to risk that.

Leviticus 15:19-21
19 And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even.
20 And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean.
21 And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even.

I will send triple, no: quadruple amount of my regular tithes. Also, do you still have anything left from the dozen jars of edible gold I sent you for Christmas? If you are out of it, I'll send you another dozen. Or should I round it up to two dozens?
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