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Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Meek and Humble will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: A Poem about the Gospels - 02-05-2009, 06:53 PM

A Poem Based On Leviticus

Sanctify Aaron, Moses, do what God requires - put the animal blood on his right ear, thumb, and big toe!
Thank you Lord for killing Aaron sons, who practiced some really strange religion instead of Yours!
Don't eat unclean animals who chew cud, like hares!
Don't eat unclean birds, like bats!
Four-legged birds are an abomination!
Four-legged insects are alright to eat, though!
Women are dirty a week after giving birth to a son, it takes 33 days to purify her - double these numbers if it's a filthy daughter!
If you catch leprosy, here is the cure - get two birds, kill one, dip the live one in the blood of the dead one, sprinkle the blood on the leper seven times, let the blood-soaked bird fly away, kill a lamb, wipe its blood on the lepers right ear, thumb, and big toe, sprinkle oil seven times, wipe oil on the leper's right ear, thumb, and big toe, do that over again, get a pair of birds, kill one and dip the live bird in the dead bird's blood, wipe some of the blood on the leper's right ear, thumb, and big toe, and finally sprinkle his house with some of the blood seven times!
If a man who has issue spits on you, then you must clean your clothes, wash yourself in water, and you'll be unclean until evening!
If you get your seed of copulation on yourself, your clothes, your wife, or anything else you own, you must wash it in water and be unclean until evening!
When a woman in menstruating, she is unclean - don't let her touch anything - everything she touches becomes unclean, everyone that touches anything she touched becomes unclean - and if you you have sex with her you'll be unclean for seven days!
Do not uncover the nakedness of your mother, father, aunt, uncle, step-mother, sister, half-sister, granddaughter, step-sister, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, both a woman and her daughter or granddaughter or sister, or if she's on her period, or with your neighbor's wife!
Homersexuality is an abomination!
Don't have sex with animals!
Don't mix different seeds in a field, or fibers in a garment!
If you sleep with a slave girl who is engaged, whip her!
Don't round the corners of your head or mar the corners of your beard!
Children who curse their parents, adulterers, and homosexuals must be killed!
Women with familiar spirits must be killed!
If a priest's daughter is unchaste, burn her!
The handicapped have no right being near that altar!
Cursers and blasphemers must be stoned to death!
You cannot make your fellow man a slave, but the foreigners are fair game!
If you disobey, you shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it!
God will send wild beasts who will rob you of your children!
And you'll eat the flesh of your sons and daughters!
A man is worth fifty shekels, a woman thirty, young men are worth twenty, young women ten, boys are worth five, girls three, an babies are worthless!
Amen!
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