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HALLOWEEN = HELLOWEEN A seasonal forum to NOT celebrate Satan's birthday.

 
 
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Prayer Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 10-14-2018, 09:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey View Post
Oh, Brother Hutchins, I don't have any say in the matter! The no-live-ammo rule was dictated by my husband, after a couple of unfortunate (and very expensive) incidents that are best forgotten. It boils down to "No live ammo until you are old enough to understand that your father's racehorses and prize Charolais bulls are not there for target practice." Six years old seems to be the age for that.


It doesn't stop them spear-fishing most nights, though. There's a Beluga whale just up the estuary from us, though I'm rather hoping they don't find it as I am not some sort of Eskimo and wouldn't know how to cook it.

I covet your prayers, Sister. I am envious that you have an estuary, and envy is a sin.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Godlovesemos Godlovesemos is offline
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Godlovesemos is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Godlovesemos is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 10-16-2018, 01:51 AM

Welp I'm a witch and I'm gay.
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Default Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 10-16-2018, 01:59 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Godlovesemos View Post
Welp I'm a witch and I'm gay.
Dear, honestly, one of these doesn't really matter. You are not going to serve two eternities for two crimes. Just one of them is enough to condemn you forever:

Exodus 22:18 - Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.

Leviticus 20:13 - If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood [shall be] upon them.
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Default Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 10-16-2018, 02:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Godlovesemos View Post
Welp I'm a witch and I'm gay.
Come visit us in Freehold at the end of October! We've got cookies and milk for you.

Free of charge.










I call dibs on this witch!


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 10-16-2018, 02:44 AM

Would love to enjoy those cookies and milk but oops i'm lactose intolerant.
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Default Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 10-16-2018, 03:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Godlovesemos View Post
Would love to enjoy those cookies and milk but oops i'm lactose intolerant.
I bet you're even more intolerant of high-velocity nickel-jacketed lead, but it would be the humane choice here.

Less suffering, you know?

Not that God of the Bible would care either way, but still.



"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." George Orwell
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Grammar Nazi Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 10-24-2018, 12:43 PM

Seven more days, one more than it took for God to create EVERYTHING!

Five more days to purchase permits.

Bobby-Joes 'Gunz N' Ammo' will be open until midnight on the 'dead Witching Night' for all you last minute shoppers.

New this year is a consideration for all accidental 'hits' of a GOTH. It has been brought to managements attention that out of the corner of a decent persons eye, one of these 'people' can appear to be a Witch and as such, cause licensed With Hunters® to expend a round based on the 'shoot first, check second' trained response. A waste of ammunition and a risk of missing an actual Witch hiding in the midst of GOTHs. So it has been decided to award one half of a KC ('kill credit') for any GOTH hits. Proof of a GOTH is eye makeup, tattoos or black clothing (note, a body and a brown paper bag containing these items is acceptable). Note, a GOTH club accidentally blown up will only count based on a officially recognized body count by a Certified Counter©. All decisions final.


As in the past, any shots that hit a Pastors Escalade or personal vehicle will be charged back and the shooter will be reduced in status. Do not be a Tin Tither!


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Grammar Nazi Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 10-27-2018, 02:11 PM

Attention: After services on Sunday, while the ladies are having tea and cackling, the men will be having a 'Last Chance Gunz N Ammo' sale in the Men's lounge.



Bobby-Joe will have a limited supply of silver plated bullets from .223 to .80 calibers. There is still ample preloaded belt-feed in 250 round cases.He will also take rush orders from Platinum Tithers for custom loads with guaranteed delivery by 10/30/2018.



There will be a children's seminar 'Gun Cleaning for Christ' with the theme of "God Loves Cleanliness of Soul, Mind and Weapon".



Remember, all sales are for the benefit of the Pastorial General Fund®



Please, no discharging of weapons in the Church anteroom. Firing may only be done in the Church indoor range.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Grammar Nazi Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 10-29-2018, 07:13 PM

What a day we had yesterday at Church. Nearly all the silver plated ammo is sold, with a percentage going to the Widows and Orphans of 2018 who suffered during the hurricanes this Year at Landover. Unwanted donations will be used for the 'First December Men's Get-To-Get-her' at the Landover's Men's Club.


Tom Smythes boy, Billy is still alive though the Grace of God. While the hole in his head is quite large, it does not seem to of affected him much. I am sure it is not 'attempted murder' as Tom was going on about (I think he drinks a lot) because if someone wanted to kill the boy (and who could blame them) God would of killed him. So please, lets not focus on the past but look forward to a fun, successful and Goldy Witch Hunt.


Bill-Joe will have his mobile armory at the Church for all your last minute gun tuning needs. The 500 yard range will be open until sunset through the 31st for those who need to fine adjust their scopes.



Go get them and Be with God!


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Grammar Nazi Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 10-30-2018, 10:42 AM

I'm pretty pissed right now. Some jigaboo leaned on my Opalescent Escalade while I was in the Church Basement holding a 'Cub Prayer Group' and I think if the sun is just right, you can see a mark.
How can I devote myself to God and Guns if I have to worry about my personal space being invaded by wild eyed animals.
I'd not be surprised if a few of these beasts get 'accidentally' shot during the Witch Hunt Festivities. Being dark as night and just a flash of teeth, they can be mistaken as demons. So hitting a nigra will be considered a 'no harm, no foul'


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 10-30-2018, 05:30 PM

Picture scary
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Guns Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 10-31-2018, 02:24 PM

I am opening up my hunting cabin to all platinum Tithers for a Turkey shoot where we will be using accused witches instead of turkeys. The witches will be chained at the ankles of course and the chains attached to stout pegs driven into Gods Earth.

The Menu:

Martini Bar

An Extensive Menu of Martinis Highlighted With an Ice Luge
Grill Station

Grilled for your pleasure Filet Mignon, Shrimp & Chicken kabobs to order
Fire & Ice Station

Hot & Spicy Grilled Calamari Served Side by Side With Iced East Coast Oysters
Seafood Bar

With Jumbo Shrimp, Little Neck Clams & Blue Point Oysters, Lobster
Manned Mozzarella Station

For your everyones’ enjoyment a Chef will prepare Fresh Mozzarella a la minute & with the traditional accompaniments such as stuffed with arugula with tomato. . .sausage with broccoli rabe. . .prosciutto & fig
New Zealand Baby Rack of Lamb Station

Roasted & Carved to Order With Accompanying Sauces

Sushi Station

Tableside Chefs Will Prepare Sushi & Sashimi With all The Accompaniments For Your Pleasure

Caribbean Tastes Station

Whole Roasted Suckling Pig, Grilled Sweet Potatoes, Black Beans & Rice, With Pineapple Carpaccio

Caviar Station With Iced Vodka Luge

Elaborate Station Consisting of a Variety of Imported Vodkas Imported and Domestic Caviar Served With Accompaniments and Toast Points

Dazzling Decadent Dessert Display
(Viennese Dessert Table)

An Array of Sweets & Dessert Temptations. Assortment of Miniature Tarts, Pastries & Petite Fours, Homemade Cookies, Our Chef’s Own Chocolate or Fruit Mousse, Fresh Sliced Fruit, Crčme Brulee Station, Cannolis made to order, Bananas Foster, Freshly Made Belgian Waffles with Homemade Icecreame and Toppings, Chocolate Immersion Station with Chocolate Fountain with Assorted Sweets & Fruit to Dip, Gelato Station with Mini Cones, Zeppoles with Fried Oreos or Chocolate Martinis. International Coffee Bar featuring Irish Coffee, Mexican Coffee & Jamaican Coffee
Lighting Package For The Ballroom

Coordinated Lighting to Set The Mood of the Event

COMPLIMENTARY ITEMS

UNIFORMED VALET PARKING
DOORMAN AND HOSTESS – Will Graciously Greet and Guide Guests Upon Arrival
FRESH FLOWERS – For The Front Lobby, Upstairs Lobby and Throughout Cocktail Hour Rooms

PERSONALIZED PRINTED MENUS
ONE WAITER PER TABLE – Featuring White Glove Service
ELEGANT TABLESCAPE – Set With Fine China, Crystal Stemware, Silver, Linen and Candles on Every Table Inside the Mansion.
DIRECTION MAPS AND PlACE CARDS

Bobby-Joe's staff will be on hand for personalized gun tuning. For those not wanting any GSR, we will have a supply of SEAL marksmen on hand to shoot for you.

Please contact the Church office to arrange to be 'added to the list of the Saved®' and sign off on the tax deductible donation of $100,000PP.

As is usual with these events, I will be making a brief appearance


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Guns Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 10-31-2018, 08:04 PM

Wow Pastor, that sounds incredible! No doubt it will be a sell out like every other of your modest little get togethers for your humble Church goers. I'll look forward next Sunday to seeing that the 'donor list' will no doubt matches 100% to the Platinum Tithers of the LBC Chrystal Cathedral.


Well everyone, the fun starts in just a few hours. Remember, not is only fun to kill witches, it is good for the community too.


A reminder, you must present a minimum of 60% of the witch (two hands and two feet) to be credited. Have your logbooks handy!


Bang-Bang!


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 10-31-2018, 09:09 PM

Oh, that menu sounds just fabulous, Pastor! My husband asked me to say he's sorry to miss the fun but (as you know, obviously) this stupid business in Istanbul won't go away quietly without skilled intervention.

Back in England, we're beset with obese children begging for candy and have had to turn on the electrification on the main gate. It's pretty funny and my boys are taking video, which I'll upload to the private channel later.


Revelation 21:8

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
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Default Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 10-31-2018, 09:19 PM

What do you all do with the witch remains? I have an uncle who is a taxidermist if any of you are interested in preserving your witch hunt spoils. It's events like these that make me wish me and my Pa moved to Landover. A witch hunt sounds so fun.
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Default Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 11-01-2018, 06:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleReader2231 View Post
What do you all do with the witch remains? I have an uncle who is a taxidermist if any of you are interested in preserving your witch hunt spoils.
Christ almighty, would you not ask such stupid questions? Jeezus, there must some rule about this on the forums. You get rid of witch remains the same way your get rid of the fetuses of unwed Irish girls - between concrete walls or buried in interior courtyards. Anyway keeping human trophies is barbaric - unless they're alive and your wife.
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Guns Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 11-01-2018, 01:53 PM

Well! What a night!

The Hutchins brood averaged about 10 confirmed kills per person. The bodies filled an entire stake body truck. My children learned a valuable lesson. To have a fun hunt, you must let the witches have free reign (within reason of course) for the year. Let them fatten up (they are all gluttons) and fall into a sense of security/safety. Do not hunt them off season. Then when the hunt starts on 10/31, there are plenty for everyone, even the littlest of tykes.


Little Timothy, God Bless him, walked up to a witch yesterday afternoon, about 4:30 PM (I know, a little early but he is just a toddler) when we were in town. The witch bent over him and exclaimed "Aren't you adorable, I could just eat you up!" Well hearing that, his eyes widened, quick as a whip, he opened his 'LBC For Christ' knapsack . Quick as a whip, he had his .22 semi automatic in his tiny hand, the barrel pressed to the hags forehead. Pop, pop,pop,pop,pop! So cute! His first kill! He looked up to me and said "Bad witch, want to eat me. No Bite me. Dead witch!" I had to explain to him to refill his magazine as you never know when another witch will swoop down on you. Seeing those tiny fingers pressing rounds into the magazine, with no help from daddy. I am so very proud to be an True American Christian™. I cannot wait to have his log book stamped this coming Sunday after Church during the 2018 Witch Hunt ceremonies.


I heard the event at Pastor Ezekiel's was (no surprise) a resounding success. While the crowd that was there was not as large as desired, a massive amout of untouched food had to be taken to the Des Moines landfill. What a waste. However on the plus side, every single Platinum Tither™ had bought tickets resulting in a sold out event. I hear there were witches left and Bobby-Joe did a demonstration of his water cooled belt feed .80 cal. Of course, since he was an employee at the event and not a participant, his kills did not count. I was told they had to use a shovel to pick up the corpses.

No doubt, due to the Perfection® of Platinum Tithers™ one of them (Probably our own Pastor Flint) will be awarded the plague for the most kills.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Cross Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 11-04-2018, 02:03 PM

The final tally is in and as expected, Pastor Ezekiel Flint had the highest count in his log book. 1,629. His fiance, the every gracious and chaste Daisy Mae was a close second as 1,245. Being as no prizes are awarded for any count other than first and second, there is no need to mention anyone else.


A white pearlescent fully armored 2019 Escalade is being awarded to our eagle eyed Pastor and a pink pearlescent 2019 Escalade (with shopping bag holder) to our very own Daisy Mae.


Rumor has it, next year they will have matching Vanity plates 'The Flints'.




Please contact the LBC Dept. of Sanitation and Cleanliness© for any witch body removal, Be aware that anyone not a Platinum Tither® will be required to pay a $1.00/pound removal 'Gift to the Church', so drain and bag the witches! Please do not just leave them in a pile in the gutter outside your home. What would visitors think? Those with sufficient land may dump the bodies in a trench. Do not forget about using lime!


So start stocking up on Ammo for next your, it could be your chance to win and win big!


A parting shot:
Attached Images
  


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Posts: 79,688
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Jesus Re: 2018 Witch Hunt - 11-05-2018, 05:11 PM

I want to personally thank each and every one of you for participating in this years Witch Hunt. Your hard work goes a long way in eliminating these blights.
Thank you very much for the trophy and cash prize I've awarded myself though God's Divine™ wisdom.
For the top ten participants, I'll be having an assistant personally write you a thank you card that will have your official tally (when time permits.)


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
 

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