[Pastor Ezekiel]

Covfefe! While the next presidency and papacy are more or less within my grasp, we'll need total world domination by our church until Jesus my pal returns. I've got an idea. If I was to succeed the English throne after the Queer Lizzie, we'd more a less govern the world with Vlad my boy doin' our biddin'.

This is not at all fat-fatched. HRGayness Charles is a nincompoop, Willis is a baldie, Andrew and Edward useless, Anne is a woman etc. etc. Harry is ginger etc. etc. I recently found the whole line of succession list and searching through the archives of the 17th century and my great-great----great granddad's (the Flynte) papers, I discovered that I'm related to the von Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburgs and can thus claim the throne. I surmise that I'm now somewhere between 765 and 770 in the line to power.

No problem. Jesus will assist me in this task.

Problem: They don't accept papists (a wise move) and as the Pope is usually a Catholic (tho I'll be a papist in name only) they might make my claim invalid. In that case, I'll have my hellish army of Joo lawers descend upon the Lords and Commons.

Problem: Some powerful men and uppity women stand between me and my rightful heritage, such as the king of Norway (#74), the Hapsburgs of Australia (#118-124) and the Swiss king Carl Gustaf (#283). This could be bad news. How to proceed? My plan: let's start winnowing the other candidates by "disqualifying" (y'all know what I mean) not only those above me in the Line but also those below. That's the way to steer suspicions away from me to someone who's, let's say, # 1322 in the Succession! I'll need your help. The led casket in the Flint Mansion porch is at your disposal and for God's sake do not open it without suitable protection (this one time prayer might not be enough, FYI). I'm gonna bring peace and unity and prosperity to all TC™s on Earth!

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Pope, Queen, what's next?


Finest covfefe's to you too, Sir!

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Covfefe to you too, dearest Pastor. Exciting times are ahead and we, your sheepish flock, are right behind you.

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Problem: They don't accept papists (a wise move) and as the Pope is usually a Catholic (tho I'll be a papist in name only) they might make my claim invalid.

Can the Pope be called a papist? You might argue that a man cannot follow himself and therefore you, as Pope, will not suffer from the curse of papism.

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Problem: Some powerful men and uppity women stand between me and my rightful heritage, such as the king of Norway (#74), the Hapsburgs of Australia (#118-124) and the Swiss king Carl Gustaf (#283). This could be bad news. How to proceed?

You could start by eliminating all the Europeons, who are now ineligible on the grounds of Brexit. (By "eliminating" I was thinking only of crossing them off the list, although ... but no. This is not Kind Hearts and Coronets.) The benefit of this is that you remove all the descendants of Queen Victoria, whose husband was a cabbage-eater. So was her mother, come to think of it. In fact, you remove almost everyone. If you go down this route, it might be best to keep your von Schleswig-Whatever heritage under wraps and maybe look for someone whose name begins with Æthel in the family tree.

It is all very thrilling!

[MitzaLizalor]

Don't the orthodoxes invite new popes to reconcile with them, overturning whichever mutual excommunication was most recent? I'm not sure if the Churches of England, Ireland & Scotland could be considered British Orthodox but after reconciliation popes would no longer be a catholic, simply Italian Orthodox and one leader among many.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole

Queen

King.

Double tithes for Mr. Toole.

[Dennis Lukes]

His Holiness, Ezekiel Flint, by the grace of God President of the United States of America, Pastor of Landover Baptist Church, King of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Christ, Head of the Commonwealth, Supreme Pontiff of the Catlick Church, Commander-in-Chief, Sovereign of the Vatican City state, Defender of the Faith, Best Friend of Jesus.

Has a nice ring to it.

[Cranky Old Man]

Ever since Great Britain started pressing the auto destruct button over and over again, I started wondering why even bother about it.

Being King or Queen, or whatever the WOKEs call it nowadays, of "Great" Britain is as useless as Anne Frank's drum set.

[Johny Joe Hold]

I don't really understand how that "Throne" business works, but I have the impression you will need a public wife and some children. It would be called "The House of Zeke."

Of course they don't have to be a real wife and your own children, they can be rented actors or props. I do think you need to be arranging a total royal picture.

[Isabella White]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

I don't really understand how that "Throne" business works, but I have the impression you will need a public wife and some children. It would be called "The House of Zeke."

Of course they don't have to be a real wife and your own children, they can be rented actors or props. I do think you need to be arranging a total royal picture.

Well, what's so wonderfully fascinating, dear Brother Mayor Hold, is that now is the ideal time to assume the ownership of the Throne! With the Royal Family in such great turmoil and disarray, should have no trouble -- none at all -- in acquiring full rights!

[handmaiden]

You know, my late father had a classic Roman profile. I wonder if I could be in line for Empress or female Caesar?

[Uncle Rutherford]

My oh my. From Pastor of Freehold extended to being in charge of the Ministry of Faith in the White House, to being the Pope to change the Catholic Church, to now being a candidate to be the literal KING. As the verse Romans 13:1 says, your voice will be the one to follow across the world soon enough! Praise White Jesus! Hallelujah for M̶a̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ Pastor Ezekiel. Also, I noticed you haven’t scheduled an appointment this week for me to come over and clean out your pipes again. Do you want me to come over and help you with the septic tank system again?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Great news. I'm gaining. One down for "natural causes", one less on my way to the throne. #679 now out of contention.

679. Philip D Edinburgh (1921-2021) m. Elizabeth II Q Gt Britain [SOV, above]
X. [1-13, above]

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Congratulations Sir! Let's hope the false Greek God of Tanna is feeling the punitive wrath of our True and omnipotent Christian God right now, in His fiery basement where the eternal torment happens.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

I'm a bit worried now... Covfefe! I mean I'm praying and all that but. I got a call from MI5. Apparently it's like the English Opus dei but even more powerful. I was expecting something like that as I recognize I'm one of the prime suspects. They asked me if I knew anything about the death of this Philip guy. And. I. Really. Don't.

So, how would a man in his prime, such as this consort, die suddenly if there was no foul play involved?! No chance, zilch, nada. On the other hand, I really was not involved. So who was? The MI5 guy mentioned the "line" and it must mean the line to succeed. There must be someone else who got the same idea and (s)he is now getting rid of the others. It has begun. The WAR for the timber throne is on. And I need your thoughts and prayers. And tithes. And unicorns and dragons. Just about anything to reign victorious. Jesus F. Christ! THIS IS SERIOUS!!

[Johny Joe Hold]

I have to think something is afoot and you are in the middle of it, Pastor Zeke. Think about this. Harry leaves the line. Prince Philip dies. What does the Queen have left, a few months? Then there is this old son who is in line. He may duck out too.

Someone somewhere wants that family out and a new one in.

[handmaiden]

People are saying that Queen Lizzie might die soon 'cause she lost her husband and they were so devoted to each other and all that. But Victoria was said to be crazy for her husband, Albert, and she hung in there for another 40 years or so--you know, for England.

So, it looks like the top spot might become available in 2061 or 2062. Plenty of time for Princess Charlotte to find a way to get her brother, George, out of the picture.

Wait! Update, here. Just learned that Queen Elizabeth's mother outlived her husband by 50 years. So, now the projection for Next Top Monarch stretches to the 2070's. Don't nobody tell me these women can't live without their man.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Originally Posted by handmaiden

So, it looks like the top spot might become available in 2061 or 2062. Plenty of time for Princess Charlotte to find a way to get her brother, George, out of the picture.

Rumor has it that George is turning out to be a homosexual and I wouldn't be surprised if Charlotte munches carpet either. So where does that leave us in 2070 or 2080 when the direct bloodlines extinguish?

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

That's a gorgeous chair, Pastor. Will you put it on the jet? It obviously needs cushions to protect your tender regions, so that will be an area that the Ladies' Sewing Circle can get behind.

Originally Posted by Dr. Anthony J. Toole

So where does that leave us in 2070 or 2080 when the direct bloodlines extinguish?

I'm sure Pastor Zeke and Sister Daisy Mae will have resolved that problem very soon.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Originally Posted by Joanna Lytton-Vasey

I'm sure Pastor Zeke and Sister Daisy Mae will have resolved that problem very soon.

I hear the Prince Consort position has re-opened... or at least, I noticed a new Tinder profile. But probably Pastor Zeke has already clinched the deal with Miss Daisy so that's not an option.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

I'm a bit worried now......The MI5 guy mentioned the "line" ...Jesus F. Christ! THIS IS SERIOUS!!

For the time being, I'd avoid underpasses in Paris...