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Arrow England liquidates the apostrophe; sells remaining stock to USA: - 02-01-2009, 04:10 PM

After decades of failure to understand the apostrophe and its use, England has resigned its use and all apostrophes have been offered to America for a bargain amount:
Quote:
U.K. to sell all apostrophes to U.S.A.

LONDON – On the streets of Birmingham, the queen's English is now the queens English. Beginning April 1, 2009, by agreement with the National Council of English preservation, all apostrophes will be sold to the U.S.A. for 4.5 million pounds. "We don't need all those little marks, anyway," said the Queen. "They just confuse people. Plus, the Americans dont know how to use them either, so I think the British are coming out ahead in this transaction. They really are just old fashioned, and not necessary in todays society. Think how difficult texting would be?"

The value of all British apostrophes was previously reported at 22 million pounds, but devaluation and lack of use weakened its value. A deal was made before the value of the punctuation mark could slide even more. "We were lucky to sell them at the price we got for them before they became worthless." said treasury Magistrate Wilbur Threadgill.

The devaluation of the apostrophe has been blamed on government officials, and not the general population. It seems that Council officials have been taking a hammer to grammar for years, quietly dropping apostrophes from street signs since the 1950s. This week, the Council made it official, saying it was banning the punctuation mark from all signs in a bid to simplify the job for signmakers. There will be no more debates on the proper spelling of "St. Pauls Square" or "Acocks Green."

Councilor Martin Chester, who heads the citys transport scrutiny committee, said he decided to act after yet another interminable debate into whether "Kings Heath," a Birmingham suburb, should be rewritten with an apostrophe. "I had to make a final decision on this," he said Friday. "We keep debating apostrophes in meetings and we have other things to do. If we just sell them to the U.S.A., we won't have to bother with them anymore. The yanks use too many apostrophes as it is, and I suspect they wont notice a few more."

Public campaigns to restore the apostrophe will find rough going in England. Agreements have been made and road signs are already in place. Alternate signs put in place by apostrophe activists will be removed and the perpetrators fined.

Chester gives additional reasons for abandoning the apostrophe: he hopes to stop public campaigns to restore the apostrophe that would tell passers-by that "Kings Heath" was once owned by the monarchy. "Apostrophes denote possessions that are no longer accurate, and are not needed," he said. "More importantly, they confuse people. If I want to go to a restaurant, I dont want to have an A-level (high school diploma) in English to find it."

Most teachers in England deny apostrophes enrich the English language. "They are just little black marks that play a minor role in the English language," said Marie Clair of the Plain English Society, which campaigns for the use of simple English. "It's always too much effort to understand them, instead of ignoring them. Children become discouraged when they have to learn apostrophe rules. We're looking into getting rid of the comma next."

Mullaney claimed apostrophes confuse GPS units, including those used by emergency services. John Holmes, a spokeswoman for satellite navigation equipment manufacturer TimTim, said most users of their systems navigate through Britain's sometime confusing streets by entering a postal code rather than a street address. Apostrophes are not necessary for navigation.

Place names in Britian:
The national body responsible for regulating place names in Britain is known as the Ordinance Survey, which is also the main mapping agency. Ordnance Survey, which provides data for emergency services, provides its information to local governments and each one is required to conform to its standards.

"All councils have been instructed to drop all apostrophes in local signage and have 2 years to update their signs," said Ordinance Survey spokesman Steve Smith. "Ordinance survey data will be updated during the year to comply with the apostrophe ban. It's a simple task: we just delete the apostrophe from the system, and all instances of it are instantly changed. This is a lot easier than Y2K. There will be no confusion."

Experts wonder what the U.S.A. will do if it determines that it owns too many apostrophes. Will they use more? Will they stockpile them in a strategic apostrophe reserve? Or will they just be rehabilitated and sold to Canada?
Jesus will not be happy. The New English Bible will be reprinted without apostrophes to conform to the new rules. The editor claims that it will be easier to understand without them, but I'm not buying it *(the book or the claim).


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Last edited by Nobar King; 02-01-2009 at 05:35 PM.
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Default Re: England liquidates the apostrophe; sells remaining stock to U - 02-01-2009, 06:13 PM

Quote:
"Apostrophes denote possessions that are no longer accurate, and are not needed," he said.
It seems to me that the agenda is the communist seizure of property by the state. Is King's Norton no longer to belong to the Monarch? Is Adcock going to be stripped of Adcock's Green?




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Default Re: England liquidates the apostrophe; sells remaining stock to U - 02-01-2009, 06:17 PM

It's obviously a communist agenda to destroy Britain and the English language. They won't be happy until we're all speaking Russian.


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Default Re: England liquidates the apostrophe; sells remaining stock to U - 02-01-2009, 06:24 PM

It must be true - Russian does not use apostrophes. I foresee waves of Brit refugees.




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Default Re: England liquidates the apostrophe; sells remaining stock to U - 02-02-2009, 06:05 AM

This seems like a wise investment by the Obama government to help stimulate the American economy. Without apostrophe's where would we be?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: England liquidates the apostrophe; sells remaining stock to U - 02-02-2009, 06:53 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
This seems like a wise investment by the Obama government to help stimulate the American economy. Without apostrophes where would we be?
I hope this doesn't result in punctuation inflation.


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Default Re: England liquidates the apostrophe; sells remaining stock to U - 02-02-2009, 02:23 PM

Inflationary effects could be avoided by selling apostrophes to the Chinese at a profit to pay off the National Debt!




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Default Re: England liquidates the apostrophe; sells remaining stock to U - 02-02-2009, 02:30 PM

I guess ill stop using apostrophys all together lol i never did see the big deal about them my teachers said i didnt get them right but only the faggy kids we use to beat up where the ones that got them right and anyhow i think i turned out okay shools should stick to teaching things that matter like Jesus and abstinece.
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Jesus Re: England liquidates the apostrophe; sells remaining stock to USA: - 09-12-2018, 04:33 PM

Getting rid of apostrophes hasn't worked out so well:
Quote:
Cornwall Council has voted to add an official apostrophe to "Land's End".
Councillors heard Land's End has been spelled with the apostrophe in two different places or not at all, which has led to the uncertainty.


If you type "Land's End" into Google, it currently asks: "Did you mean Lands End", and businesses in the area have a variety of spellings, including "Lands' End".
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cornwall-45499594
Maybe they'll get it figured out, eventually.


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Default Re: England liquidates the apostrophe; sells remaining stock to USA: - 09-12-2018, 08:23 PM

Of course, Jesus invented the apostrophe when He inspired the writing of the Bible. The real meaning of “apostrophe” is
“a figure of speech, by which a speaker or writer suddenly stops in his discourse,and turns to address pointedly some person or thing, either present or absent.
As in 1 Corinthians:15:55 O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?
Or
Hosea:13:14 I will ransom them from the power of the grave; I will redeem them from death: O death, I will be thy plagues; O grave, I will be thy destruction: repentance shall be hid from mine eyes.

It may be that Godless Britain is perhaps becoming Godlier (due to Landover's humble efforts.)




Ec:7:16: Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself?

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Default Re: England liquidates the apostrophe; sells remaining stock to USA: - 09-16-2018, 09:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
Getting rid of apostrophes hasn't worked out so well: Maybe they'll get it figured out, eventually.
It really annoys me when people don't know how to use apostrophe's properly. The people who get it wrong are often so convinced they're right they won't listen if try to correct them. Its something we all learned in school, and if you forget, you can always google it or ask someone who does know, but some people are too lazy. I couldn't stand to live in such ignorance my whole life.

Proverbs 26:16 The sluggard is wiser in his own conceit than seven men that can render a reason.


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Jesus Re: England liquidates the apostrophe; sells remaining stock to USA: - 09-16-2018, 05:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan Swallows View Post
It really annoys me when people don't know how to use apostrophe's properly. The people who get it wrong are often so convinced they're right they won't listen if try to correct them. Its something we all learned in school, and if you forget, you can always google it or ask someone who does know, but some people are too lazy. I couldn't stand to live in such ignorance my whole life.

Proverbs 26:16 The sluggard is wiser in his own conceit than seven men that can render a reason.

Brother Alan,


I worked with a man who constantly misused the apostrophe. In fact, he even misspelled the word as "apostraphy." Disgusting. I put together a short guide for him but I found it in his trash can one day when he was out to lunch. It had some sort of grape stain across the section regarding plurals and chocolate fingerprints along the sides. Disgusting.


Say, running any adult pre-planning specials at the moment? My father continues to decline in health. Due to the fact that my inheritance will be sizable, I don't want to spend a great deal of it on funeral expenses and you people are so money hungry! Well, maybe not YOU. But send me some estimates. Plywood sounds about right. Plots on a flood plane, perhaps. Ultra economy.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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